CHAPTER FIVE: DRUNK DIAL

Where we left off: The Sylvia experiment didn't work out, and I decided to make a go of it with Megan. Just when things were going well, Megan got mad at me because I questioned why she would cheer for a skier wearing pink when, in fact, she loves pink. "But I love pink."

After turning around to play the next poker hand and folding quickly, I apologized for not realizing that she loved pink, taking her attention away from thinking there was someone else. It worked. I won $50 that night and bought us some ice cream on the way home.

Eating ice cream and cuddling that night was the last good memory I have of Megan. During the next two weeks, some of her negative personality traits (and I'm not just talking about her easiness) really started to jump out at me.

It all came to a head Saturday, January 26, 2008, at 3:30 a.m. We didn't hang out that Friday night for some reason, and I went to sleep at about 2:30 a.m. When my phone rang an hour later, I rolled over and answered it, because I figured it was important coming at such an hour.

It was Megan. The facts were these: She went out drinking with her friends at F&M's. She danced on the pool table. Some dude tried to get with her while they danced. She told him she had a boyfriend. ...

She didn't have as much to drink as her friend, so she drove her friend home. It was pouring rain. She decided to walk the mile from her friend's house to her dorm. She had high heels on. She was getting whistled at on the street and called me for comfort.

I stayed on the phone with her until she made it home. D thinks I was supposed to drive out there and rescue her. Nah, I was too tired. The actual conversation caused me to decide to break up with her.

1) She used the "f" word 67 times. (Yes, I counted.) Now, using the "f" word is fine with me. Obviously, I can live with that. But she just kept dropping it for no reason. F this and F that. It was a real turnoff.

2) It's pouring down rain. You have high heels on. It's past 3 a.m. You are tipsy. What the hell are you doing walking a mile in all of that?
Me: Why didn't you just sleep at your friend's house?
Megan: I don't know. Her couch isn't that comfy.

Let's see. She could have broken her ankle. She was afraid of being kidnapped. She could have been raped. She could have gotten pneumonia. And this wasn't the first hint to me that she wasn't on the bright side.

When I talked to Megan the next day, I arranged for a date for that Tuesday. I told her I'd pick her up for dinner after a meeting at work. She was excited. What she didn't know was that it was a break-up dinner.

TO BE CONTINUED. ...

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

A character on Harper's Island has thick, extended sideburns. My mom doesn't like the look. "What the fuck is that growth on the side of his face?"

Two characters are talking about camping.
Mom: You couldn't go camping.
Me: I know. Bugs. Snakes. The woods. ...
Mom: No fucking TV.

NOT UNTIL WINTER, THANK YOU

At church today, I was looking at the ads on the back page of the bulletin. There's a square for Reginelli's in Elmwood. Hmm, I think that might be a good spot for dinner Wednesday night.

Then, I see this location explanation next to the pic of the pizza. "Across the street from the Cocoa-Cola plant." Well, I didn't know the Coke people were expanding their horizons.

PARTING SHOT
I say something that grinds JRap's gears, and we have this good-natured exchange.

JRap: I'm gonna come over there and kick your ass.
Me: You know, you always threaten to do that, but I have yet to see any action.
Bake: Oh, he's throwing down the gauntlet.
JRap: Yeah. Well, I'm gonna throw him down.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five memories of May.

5) Scrubs finale / Spilling a frosty in the parking lot / Pool party
You decide.

4) Lunch at City Park Bud's. 19th.
Bout time for another run to the Broiler if you ask me.

3) Rockets playoff run.
It felt good to finally get out of the first round. And I was proud of them for taking the Lakers to seven games.

2) Finishing 19th in poker tournament. 12th.
That drama should have been on TV.

1) Christina and Ronnie's wedding. 23rd.
I showed Tina the pictures I took in Sunday's entry, and she saw her name underneath the last one. I quickly scrolled up before she could read "Cursing Corner."