CHAPTER THREE: THE PAST IS THE PAST.
Where we left off: Megan was telling me that her sex-partner number was higher than mine.
Me: How many?
Megan: Eleven.
Me: That's not that bad.
Megan: Are you sure?
Me: Yeah. No big deal.
Those are the words that came out of my mouth. Those are not the words I was thinking, however. They were more like: What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? OMG. OMG. OMG. I'm dating a slut. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
For the rest of the evening, she explained how she came to achieve double digits. Keep in mind, she made 21 right before I met her, and she had a boyfriend for two years in high school. She did describe three other boyfriends, so that was four.
The other seven were made of one-night stands, one dude using the shit out of her (he actually texted 'you game?' during this conversation at 3 a.m.) and a threesome with two bouncers from Tuck's, the third such story I had heard involving bouncers from that fine establishment.
Still, I didn't discount Megan right then and there. At the end of her stories, I said: "Well, that's all in the past now." We ended the night on a positive note and made plans for the next week.
Two weeks later, she left for Colorado on Christmas vacation. We hadn't discussed sex in those two weeks, and our relationship slowed down in a good way. We had some good dates, including one where we watched each other's favorite movie right before she left.
I decided to use the Christmas break to evaluate how I felt about her. Would I miss her? Could we have some good talks on the phone? Did I really think I could handle dating someone with double digits? How would I handle the sex situation?
Also, I talked to every group of friends I have about the matter and asked for their advice. The consensus was to give her a chance and not to let her past doom our relationship if I decided I really liked her. Sounded good. I felt like Christmas was a godsend.
On the first week of this break, I was in the Elmwood area and decided to drop in and surprise Kelly at her work. (What is the name of that place?) We chatted for a few minutes, and I was on my way. I didn't think anything about it until she called after her shift, all excited.
Kelly: Some of the girls here were asking about you when you left. They thought you were my new boyfriend.
Me: Ha. So, any of them hot?
Kelly: Yea, but most of the girls here are taken. They just thought you were cute.
Me: Story of my life.
Kelly: Well, this one girl isn't taken.
Me: Do tell. She was asking about me?
Kelly: Oh yeah. I told her some things about you. She wants to meet you.
Me: I see.
Kelly: Ya'll have a lot in common. She's smart. She's a virgin. On purpose.
Me: Is she hot?
Kelly: Smoking.
Me: How old is she?
Kelly: 21.
I hesitate for a moment. I put my left hand on my forehand and massaged it. I pinched my index finger and my thumb at the bridge of my nose with my eyes closed. I let out a deep breath with many thoughts about the situation racing through my head. I shook a little.
Me: Set it up.
TO BE CONTINUED. ...
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
Mom is anticipating the finale of American Idol. She's cheering for Adam. She doesn't like the other guy because of his wife. "She doesn't know what the fuck she's in for if he wins."
I told mom that some of our shows are on the chopping blocks. I tell her one of her shows might get cancelled because it can be cheaper for the network to air a pilot than it is to renew an established show. "Why don't they keep the shows that are popular instead of showing a new one that will just get cancelled in six fucking weeks?"
1) The Rockets blowout Sunday wasn't a shock, but it still hurt. I felt like I did last year when the Hornets lost Game 7 in the second round to the Spurs. Also, last year I told some Spurs fans outside the Arena that they might have won, but the Lakers were going to eat 'em up. This year, I'm telling Lakers fan they might have won, but the Chicken Nuggets are going to chew 'em up.
TV WEEK IN REVIEW
Two and 4/5 Men. Monday's episode was my favorite of the past three years. That's because it focused on Allan and Chelsea being gal pals, and it reminded me of Paul and Kelly. I couldn't stop laughing.
24. Bounced back huge. Psyched for Monday's two-hour finale. Can you say adrenaline rush?
NBC Thursday. They call it comedy night done right. I call Thursday: finale night done right. Interesting twist on My Name is Earl, even if it might not come back. Amy Poehler's date on P&R was hilarious. One complaint about Office: It wasn't an hour. 30 Rock. Liz: "We sure had a great year." Jack: "It's only May, Lemon."
SNL finale. Green Day performed. Amy returned to Weekend Update. Harry Caray was there. Sort of. And they had possibly the best Celebrity Jeopardy of all-time. I didn't stop laughing the whole five minutes. The pickle joke was especially priceless.
AT LEAST THEY WON THE FIRST ROUND
2) It seems like every time I have a team lose in the playoffs, it's a blowout. I can't recall too many classics where my team fell. The Cubs got swept the past two years. UNC gets blown out whenever they lose in the tournament. The Dolphins are creamed every time, too.
3) I gave six things that all needed to happen yesterday for the Rockets to have a chance. Well, Kobe didn't score 40, and the Lakers shot 33 percent from 3-point range. That's two out of six. Is that bad?
PARTING SHOT
I'm reading the Northshore state baseball title story.
Me: It says here the MVP lost his father when he was a freshman.
Liam: In the woods?
Bake: And he never found him?
THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five hot movie actresses in the 30 and under category.
5) Jordana Brewster. 29.
When I fell for her: The Fast and the Furious.
4) Anne Hathaway. 26.
When I fell for her: The Princess Diaries.
3) Mila Kunis. 25.
When I fell for her: Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
2) Rachel McAdams. 30.
When I fell for her: Wedding Crashers.
1) Elisha Cuthbert. 26.
When I fell for her: The Girl Next Door.
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