LET US PRAY

Today is the feast day of St. Rita of Cascia, which is my home parish. I did a little reading on the Web site and learned that she is the Patroness of Improbable Causes.

Please insert your joke about me here.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom watched "Notorious." Me: Did you like it?
Mom: Yeah. I'm going to start fucking rapping. How hard can it be?

Mom calls me from a store and asks me to measure something in her room. As I'm reaching for the tape measure a few seconds later, mom grows impatient. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Mom and I attempt to nail a curtain-type device in front of the window in her room. What was wrong with the blinds, I don't know. The nail idea doesn't go smoothly. "It's not fucking working. Tina, your idea isn't working, sweetheart. ... Fuck. It's not going in, Tina. ... Get in there, bitch."

There was also a random "bitch" and "fuck" in there somewhere.

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

Try a smoothie with strawberry, banana and mango. I had one at a place called Skinny Berry next to Quizno's on Carrollton on Friday night. They call it Strabango.

Special thanks to Lopes' cousin behind the counter for the free hookup.

PARTING SHOTS
I square off a story about Dirk's "lover" saying she's pregnant.

Me: Damn, this story is loose.
Liam: The Dirk story? No kidding.

Brick returns from dinner, calls my name and throws a snack in my direction. It falls short of me and lands into Mike's hands.

Me: That was for me.
Mike: But I caught it.
Me: I call Mardi Gras rules. You know, if they're trying to throw to the little kid but you catch it, you have to give whatever it is to the little kid.
Lopes: So, you're a little kid.
Liam: Give it to the kid.

(Mike did. I love Grandma's Mini-sandwich cremes. Brick accidentally hit the wrong button. Sweet.)

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five athletes who I turned on. I used to like them a lot. Now, I could give a shit.

5) Steve Francis. Rockets.
Was our best player for three years, and I own a jersey. Attitude and injuries created the downfall.

4) Aaron Brooks. Saints.
Led us to our first playoff victory, and I have his autograph in my room. However, he then sucked and once threw the ball backward to an offensive lineman.

3) Tracy McGrady. Rockets.
Gave up on him this year when he quit on the team and then decided to show up on the bench because they were winning. I stuck with him through all the tough playoff losses before, even when he cried after a Game 7 loss.

2) Sammy Sosa. Cubs.
I still have fond memories of 1998 and own a jersey. But dude cheated and lied about it. Let's not forget the corked bat, either.

1) Chris Benoit. Wrestler.
It's tough to come back from: killed child, wife and self.