SCREW YOU, KOBE

First, he rips out my heart by beating the Rockets to a pulp in Game 7. Then, he destroys the Nuggets two games in a row to wrap up the series by being, of all things, unselfish. What the hell, man?

I guess he is unstoppable. And how do you stop the unstoppable? Yeah, those commercials aggravate me. How can LeBron get a triple double on Kobe in a one-on-one game? Blocks or steals? Come on. The puppet meant assists.

Then, there's Kobe Doin' Work. It should have been titled: Kobe Doin' Work to Repair his Image that He Destroyed When He Hooked It Up in a Colorado Hotel.

Sorry, I'm just venting. I lost a dinner bet to Derry on the Lakers-Nuggets series. Why didn't I bet a coke? A dinner bet with Derry? What was I thinking?

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I walk into the living room Friday at midday.
My mom: Ya'll got boxes at work? Like the paper comes in.
Me: No.
Mom: Paper comes in fucking boxes!

Mom was busy Friday. "I can't even lay in my own fucking pool."

Mom was in the pool for a short period earlier in the day. Well, until she got a call. "Motherfuck. Every time I'm about to get some good sleep, the phone rings."

I'm watching the LSU game on CST, and it's about that time to take a shower before work.
Me: It's times like this that I wish we had cable on that TV, so I could take a shower and then rewind the TV to catch-up.
Mom: What do you want me to do? It's a fucked-up situation.

We're watching the second disc of Season 4 of Lost. "Who the fuck is the captain?"

Mom is watching So You Think You Can Dance while I'm watching the LSU game. "They trying to do a fucking routine from last year. The judge is like, 'What the fuck?' ... Let's get some fucking dancers on the stage. Fucking thirty minutes, and we ain't had one good dancer."

PARTING SHOTS
Liam was forced to take a short break early in the shift Friday. He had trouble getting back into the groove.

Liam: It's like a rain delay. I need to warm up again.
Brick: Need about 15 minutes? Gene, get him loose.
(This led to several more "Gene, get him loose" jokes throughout the night. I didn't say a word during any of this.)

I don't know the lead-in to this conversation.

JRap: Muskrat Love's your favorite song?
Brick: I especially like the Britney Spears version.
Liam: No. That's Mousketeer Love.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five sound bytes from coaches of teams I cheer for.

5) Mike Ditka. Saints.
The team was struggling in Iron Mike's first season here in 1997. He was trying to rush through a press conference by continuing to say, "Next."

Reporter: Mike, why are you in such a bad mood?
Mike: What do you care?
Reporter: (Inaudible.)
Mike: Ok. If you were 2-7, you'd be in a bad mood, too.

4) Roy Williams. UNC.
Roy's Kansas Jayhawks lost in the national championship to Syracuse at the Superdome in 2003. Bonnie Berstein then asks him about taking the Tar Heel job. Roy: "I could give a shit about North Carolina right now." Oh, you lie, Roy. You lie.

3) Rudy T. Rockets.
After winning a second NBA title in a row, Rudy T has something to say to the haters out there: "Don't ever underestimate the heart of a champion!" Amen, brother. Amen.

2) Les Miles. LSU.
Amongst rumors that he would take the job at Michigan, Les called a press conference before the SEC championship in 2007. "I'm excited about the opportunity of my damn strong football team to play in it. ... Please ask me after. I'm busy. Thank you very much. Have a great day." I did.

1) Jim Mora. Saints.
In 1996, the Saints lost on the road to the Panthers 19-7. Mora didn't have many kind words to say about the team's performance. "We couldn't do diddly-poo offensively. We couldn't make a first down. ... We sucked. The second half, we sucked. ... It was a horseshit performance in the second half. ... We got our ass kicked in the second half. It sucked."