SPEAKING AND WRITING ENGLISH IS DIFFICULT.

At work Thursday, Liam was reading the story about Carlos Zambrano's ejection Wednesday afternoon as a result of his hissy fit. He points out this quote to me by Big Z: "I apologize to throw the ball and do other things."

I didn't know he spoke the language so poorly. I really didn't. At least it now gives me something to say every time I apologize for something. For instance:

Me: (Interrupting conversation).
Someone: Dammit. That was rude.
Me: I apologize to interrupt the talk and do other things.

I searched for a youtube clip of Carlos uttering these historic words and came across a video of the tirade. I was reading the user comments (as I usually do on youtube) and saw this entry from everclear010:

1. Your reading my comment
2. Now your saying/thinking thats a stupid fact.
4. You didnt notice that i skipped 3.
5. Your checking it now.
6. Your smiling.
7. Your still reading my comment.
8. You know all you have read is true.
10. You didnt notice that i skipped 9.
11. Your checking it now.
12. You didnt notice there are only 10 facts

Copy and paste to 1 video, tomorrow will be your best day ever! no matter WHAT!!!!!

I felt like posting the following response: "That would have been funny if you knew anything about contractions. And, of course, I noticed there were only 10 facts, jackass. You told me you skipped two numbers!"

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom asks me to fetch her the remote for my CD player she took from my room and put outside for the summer. I'm on my way back with it. "Doesn't take that long to get a fucking remote."

I tell mom goodbye as I leave for work. "What a fucking day."

We're watching the second episode of Season 4 of Lost. Miles' background scene is on. "That's a fucking vacuum cleaner."

PARTING SHOTS
We're discussing Bert and Ernie at dinner.

Brick: Do you think Bert was the man?
Me: Oh yeah.
Derry: OK, Bert. I'll bend over.

D is telling us about a discussion he had with his wife about Hornets tickets at the start of the season.

D: She bought them anyway. I just thought that with the new baby, we could save the money on the Hornets.
Bake: Maybe you can reuse some of those diapers, D.
D: That's the way the Hornets played. Like used diapers.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five "second-career" jobs.

5) Own a business.
Tell other people what to do.

4) Be a poker dealer.
I like counting things. I like cards. I like casinos.

3) Stay in the field and move away.
Fallback.

2) Be a professional poker player.
Seems like fun.

1) Win the lottery.
Don't need a job.