With the World Series of Poker in town again this week, it was just a matter of me picking which off day to play in a tournament. In December, I came in 11th place in a $200 tournament and left with $321.
For the May '09 edition, they changed the pay structure, trimming some off the top finishers to give more money for coming in 10th to 18th. Eighteenth place, the final spot to make money, paid $398 for Tuesday's $200 event in which I participated.
The action started at 9 p.m. with 134 players. Let's go through my experience using the hands I won.
1) K-K.
The only hand I won in the first two hours (there was a break after this) of play. It was a big pot as a guy went all-in against me with J-Q diamonds. My kings held up.
2) A-A.
I didn't raise before the flop from the small blind. I didn't even bet the nothing flop. When I bet the turn, the other three players folded. Small pot.
3) K-K.
With a dwindling chip stack, I make a big raise. Everyone folds. Small pot.
4) K-Q.
With no raise and seven people in the hand, the flop is 3-5-Q. Someone bets $300 in front of me (I had about 5,000 three hours in), and I raise to $1,200. Everyone folds. Solid pot.
A few hands later, I took a big hit with Q-7 in the big blind. No one raised, and the flop was K-Q-7. I bet out with $300, but someone raised to $1,200. I call that as well as the turn bet of $1,200. We both check the river. He had K-7 for a bigger two-pair.
5) A-K.
I'm running low and go all-in. Everyone folds. Small pot, but I'm still alive.
6) A-9 diamonds.
I limp for $400, and no one raises. Two diamonds come on the flop. No bet. The turn is blank. No betting with four players. The river is the king of diamonds. I make the nut flush. It goes bet $300, fold, call, and I raise to $900.
Before I announce the raise, the original better flips over his cards. This causes a disturbance, and the floor (guy in charge of the tournament) has to be brought over. The original better said I was hiding my cards, but the floor gives him a warning. The player says: "Why don't you give him (meaning me) a warning too about his cards?" I don't know what the fuck that guy's problem was, as my cards were completely visible.
7) 7-10.
I made a pair of 10s on the flop and ended up sniffing out a bluff on the river. A guy bet $1,200 on the river with the board showing K-Q-10-5-4. I knew he didn't have a king or a queen because I'm good like that.
8) J-J.
Two hands later, someone goes all in for $2,500 in front of me. I look down at pocket jacks and call. After winning this hand (the all-in player had pocket 5s), I was actually above the chip average (about $11,000) with 70 something players remaining.
9) 3-3.
I only saw one flop (with pocket 7s) over the next two hours. By the time I saw pocket 3s, I went all-in for my last $4,500 with the blinds at 4 and 8 hundred. I picked a good spot, though, and nobody called.
10) Q-6 diamonds.
It was just me (the small blind) and the big blind. I made a flush on the turn and checked. I bet 1,000 on the river, and he called after making trips. Nice. This kept me somewhat alive.
However, I went card dead again. With 50 players left, I was a short stack. I was hoping to get a big hand with which to double up, but it never came. I didn't even get a decent hand with which to take a shot.
When there were about 36 players left, I changed my strategy. My goal was to get to 18th place, and the only way to do that was to only play the super premium hands. Over the next hour, I folded K-10 suited, J-Q suited and K-Q, all hands most people probably would have gone all-in with as the short stack.
One time, I folded 2-4 diamonds, and it ended up making a straight flush. That was painful to watch.
11) A-10.
With 22 players left and a killer big blind approaching, I had to move in with A-10. I hit a 10 to double up, but it was only doubling up to about $5,000 with blinds at 500-1,000 with a $100 ante. I still had to pick one of the next seven or eight hands to go all-in. However, I didn't.
12) J-10 spades.
I ended up just folding every hand as the total players dropped to 21 and then 20. I was forced to go all-in on my big blind. I had a chance to quadruple up, though, and picked up J-10 spades. The flop had two spades, but only a jack came after that. Fortunately, my pair of jacks split the pot, and I stayed alive.
Another short stack went out shortly after to trim the total to 19. It was 3 a.m. Amazingly, I had won only 12 hands in six hours of playing (OK, 5 and 1/2 hours when you don't count the breaks). Plus, several of those hands were really small pots.
I was still the clear short stack and basically had to hope that either A) I got a huge hand or B) somebody else would get knocked out before I was the big blind again in six hands.
Two hands later, somebody at my table (kind of short stacked) calls all-in, and the big stack at the table calls. The all-in player had A-J, and the big stack had pocket 9s. This was it, folks. My chance. If the pocket 9s hold up, I make the money and at least $398. I tell the dealer low cards, please.
The flop: 2-4-6. The turn: 8. ONE CARD AWAY. No straight draw. No flush draw. Guess where this story is going? Yup, the river was a jack. The all-in player doubled up. FUCK! I fell on the floor.
A few hands later, I was forced (I couldn't get better than 8-9) to go all-in with 10-5 in the big blind. Oh, boy. It didn't win. Shocking. And I finished in 19th place. I really thought I was going to survive to the final 18. I could feel it. Stupid jack.
As I walked away from the table, the floor announced to the remaining players that they had all made the money, which was followed by cheers and claps. They call the person eliminated right before the money the bubble boy. That was me at 4 a.m. Wednesday morning after seven hours of playing: The Bubble Boy.
There was no George Costanza to smack around.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
I'm watching Monday's episode of 24. It is cold in the house. My mom thinks it's hot. "I got sweat drops pouring down my boobs; you got a fucking blanket."
The emergency alert system interrupts our viewing for the second time. "Again? What the fuck?"
Mom is intrigued by the change of Tony. "Those are some evil fucking eyes."
Mom believes Olivia is up the creek without a paddle. "She got herself in some fucking shit. Jail-time shit. ... She had a guy fucking killed. She's in some shit."
FOUR CORNERS
A closer look at The Gene Pool World
-- I had an alteration to "Don't hate the player, hate the game." Last Saturday, Max and Brick were talking about the economy and mentioned Obama. I snapped at Max: "Don't hate the man, hate the plan."
-- Did you know that gas prices are on the rise again? Yup. Each time I've filled up this year, the price has been higher. Observe:
December 28: $20.51
January 18: $25.50
February 5: $26.00
February 14: $27.00
March 6: $27.50
March 25: $28.82
April 21: $29.00
May 12: $31.50
-- On Tuesday, I picked up the new Better than Ezra CD and while I was at Best Buy, I bought Simon and Garfunkel's greatest hits as a belated Mother's Day present for Tina. She's been talking a lot about them lately. Anyway, the Better than Ezra album is pretty good. What I'm really looking forward to, though, is Friday when the new Green Day CD comes out.
-- My dentist moved into a real office (and out of the top floor of a bank) since the last time I had a check-up. Fancy stuff. The talk of my visit Tuesday was my crooked tooth on the top of my left side.
Mrs. Cheryl: This tooth is different.
Me: Yeah. It was teased a lot in school.
Mrs. Cheryl said that eventually I will have to get a crown put on that tooth or it could cause some serious damage.
Mrs. Cheryl: It's a problem.
Me: Come on. Let's be more positive. It's unique.
Mrs. Cheryl: You neequed to get a crown.
PARTING SHOT
During the poker tournament, a guy at my table speaks up to make a request of another player.
Guy: "Say, man. Can I have some change?"
Dude from another table chimes in: "Change comes from within, sir."
THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five gay TV characters.
5) Kenny James. My Name is Earl.
Don't forget his partner in crime. Get it?
4) Oscar Martinez. The Office.
It was hilarious when Dwight couldn't figure out he was gay.
3) Carter Heywood. Spin City.
A man of sophistication.
2) Stewie Griffin. Family Guy.
He's really come out this season.
1) Jim Dangle. Reno 911!
Who doesn't love a cop who wears tight shorts?

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