SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER

Summer might not start until June 21, but to me, summer commenced Monday. With TV season over and Tina grilling for a pool party Sunday, it's safe to say summer time is here again. Besides, did you walk outside today? It's summer. 

With only baseball on the sports docket (after the NBA Finals) and just a few shows sprinkled on the DVR, I'm looking at lots of blank space on my schedule. Also, shifts at work will be shorter, and I'm sticking to my only-two-casino-visits-per-month New Year's Resolution. 

So, let's roll out some summer goals like a tight hooking bowling ball heading for the pocket. 

1. TV.

After finishing Season 4 of Lost, I will try to knock out Spin City Season 2, all of Wings (I'm on Season 3 right now) and all of Frasier. If I finish all of those, I'm not sure what's next. From the private collection, my objective is to rewatch Seinfeld, Family Guy and Sanford & Son. 

2. Movies.

I'm hoping to watch three movies a week. First up is the first Transformers. I have several classics backlogged on my Netflix list, and when we switch to the three-disc plan soon, I'll be viewing more flicks. The objective is to plow through a bunch of well-known films that I've never seen before. I'm open to suggestions. 

3. Get in shape.

The key here is not to be lazy. I've already started going to bed earlier. I'm attempting to limit my intake of snacks and increase the input of fruit. I've had three smoothies in the last week and a half. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Before I completely woke up Wednesday, mom went to the fridge for some water. "Are you fucking kidding me? There's no waters in here. I have to do every fucking thing around here." (For the record, there were two waters left in there.) 

Mom and I did some yard work early Wednesday. "I'm glad the tree is gone. I ain't got no shade, but I don't give a fuck. There's no more leaves, and we don't have to fucking rake every day." 

On the way to get some Chinese, mom sees a woman working in the yard across the street. She does this for a living. "No fucking way could I do that. Too much shit." 

Mom can't believe schools had their final day of class on Memorial Day, even if it was a half day. "Can you believe they had school on a fucking holiday?" 

Mom warns me that I might have to wake up early one day for the air condition guy to get into the attic so he can add another vent in mom's bedroom. "I have to let him up there early because it's so fucking hot in that attic." 

FOUR CORNERS

A closer look at The Gene Pool World. 

-- I got a voicemail from Liam on Sunday night during the pool party saying that I had forgotten to fill out my timesheet for the week. (I'm used to being there on Sundays.) Well, shit. 

After the party ended at 11:40 p.m., I drove down to work to sign out. If I didn't, then I wouldn't get paid for the week. Paul took a ride. As I was about to get off at Airline from Causeway, I realized I had forgotten something: My ID. 

I completed the loop and went back home. Normally, you can get away with not having an ID, but I didn't want to take the chance in the middle of the night. So, I drove to work 1 and 1/2 times in order to get a paycheck this week. 

When I arrived back home at 12:30 a.m., Tina was shaking her head. "Isn't tomorrow a holiday?" 

Me: Yeah. 

Mom: Well, is anybody going to be there to collect the sheets?

Me: Oh, crap. No. I could have done it tomorrow. 

Mom: What a waste of fucking time!

-- During the pool party, Bob inquired if anybody had ever died in my pool. I responded: "That pool is responsible for fewer than four deaths in its 19-year history." Bob liked those odds, though it became a running joke that the pool needed to claim a victim soon and that victim was meant to be Chuck. 

I told him I had a flash that he would die a la Charlie in Season 3 of Lost. Chuck, however, survived. The count is still fewer than four deaths. 

-- On Memorial Day, I ate dinner in front of the TV at work and watched Wheel of Fortune for the first time since I don't know when. It was probably with my grandmother. 

Anyway, a gay guy named Tom beat the shit out of two cute girls (it was college week). 

Me: You know, if Tom played his cards right, he could have his pick of the chicks after the show. He could say, 'Which one of you am I taking out with all this money?' But, he's blowing it. 

Lopes: Oh, I bet he's blown it before. 

-- We had way too much food leftover after Sunday's pool party, so I brought six hot dogs with some chili and cheese to Chuck and Bob's on Tuesday night. We, along with Little Joe, scarfed those down while watching the Magic-Cavs game and enjoying some merriment. 

You ever notice that Doug Collins, NBA analyst, asks us, the viewers, an awful lot of questions? It's like he's admitting he doesn't have a clue. He never breaks anything down or offers insightful opinions. It's all questions. Can this team do that? Can that team do this?  

THE DAILY TOP LIST

Cartoons were a hot topic at the pool party. My six favorite cartoons growing up. 

6) Garfield and Friends.

That cat liked him some Italian food. 

5) DuckTales.

I even showed Paul, expert gamer, how to beat the Nintendo game. 

4) Inspector Gadget. 

This blog will self-destruct.  

3) Flintstones.

Took the vitamins, too. 

2) Doug.

You think Quail Man was a little gay? 

1) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

I promise this will be the last time they are No. 1 on a list.