WELCOME BACK. YOUR DREAMS WERE YOUR TICKET OUT. 

On Tuesday, Bert moved back to New Orleans for good after living mostly in Baton Rouge for the past seven years. On Wednesday night, we gathered to celebrate. 

Bert, Jacob, gal pals Kelly and Paul and I had dinner at Liuzza's. Then, it was off to the theatre where the four nerds watched Harry Potter wave his magic wand for two-plus hours. I opted for a different film and was rewarded. (More on that Sunday.)

Before my movie started, I snuck into a showing of the Hangover for thirty minutes. I think that's one of those films that will get even better with time. "I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust" is my favorite line right now. 

After the movie, we went back to Bert's for a drinking game we made up as we went along. For Christmas a few years back, David's crazy girlfriend du jour gave Bert, whom she had known for two weeks at the time, four Playboys and a roulette table that came with shot glasses. 

Bert, Jacob, Paul and I went through a bottle of Jager and a bottle of Amaretto. Our game went like this for three hours: 

-- There were six shot glasses with a set of six numbers each from the roulette table. We each picked a glass, and if the ball landed on one of your numbers, you took a shot. 

-- If it landed in the numbers for the remaining two shot glasses, we played movie trivia (using a board game called Reel Clues) to determine that round's drinker. 

-- The last person to have taken a shot read the trivia question. Whoever got the answer was then exempt, and the reader asked another question to the remaining two. The loser of that then took a shot. 

-- Types of questions were: a) give details about a movie one by one, name that movie; b) say a line said by an actor in a movie, name that actor; c) quote a movie, name that movie. 

-- If the ball landed on one of your numbers, you had a chance to not drink. Bert has a basketball goal attached to his door. You just had to make a shot about free-throw length to prevent taking a shot. This became harder the drunker we got. I made 5 of 9 attempts. 

-- If it landed on zero or double zero, all of us took a shot. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom had trouble locating her iPod. "What the fuck I do with it? What the fuck did I do with it?" (She found it on her treadmill.)

I ask mom a question. "You think I have the Energizer bunny up my ass."

Mom feels something funny in the kitchen. "What the fuck am I stepping on? I just cleaned the fucking floor." 

I tell mom I just got a text from Bert saying to bring cash to dinner. "Where the fuck ya'll going that don't accept credit cards?" 

PARTING SHOT

In a drunken state.

Me: Mom always said don't play ball in the house.

Bert: Well, my mom always said don't put balls in your mouth.