TINA AND GENE GO TO PANAMA CITY: DAY 3

MAKE IT HAPPEN, CAPT: On Friday night, we went to Capt. Anderson's for some seafood. Betsy didn't know the place existed, as she tried to make us go to a golf course and also didn't list it under food in the area, even though we were in the parking lot. The view, overlooking a marina, was beautiful. The food was OK.  

Said Tina after the meal: "Why am I so full? (Thinks.) Too much bread. Fucking carbs." 

BREAK-UP: There's a group of 10 staying here at our hotel in a two-bedroom. Doesn't sound like a good idea? It wasn't. One dude was downstairs today lamenting to Tina that his girlfriend broke up with him after a fight in the cramped hotel room. 

LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH: I enjoyed two of them Friday, one in the afternoon in the heat and another in the cool night. The highlight of the early walk was seeing seven dead fish washed ashore. The night walk was capped by me digging my name into the sand. 

SHOPPING: On Thursday night, Tina and I went browsing at some stores. One store had a section of funny slogans on stickers and T-shirts. 

Best sticker: I MAY BE FAT, BUT YOU'RE UGLY, AND I CAN DIET.

Best T-shirt: I DON'T NEED AN ENCYCLOPEDIA. MY WIFE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom and I discussed Kenner continuing to catch sexual predators. The latest one they reeled in after two years of talking to him online. "It takes some real cahoonas to put yourself on a fucking web cam. It's bad enough you're about to be caught, but you're gonna jerk off, too?"

On the way home Thursday night, mom didn't like driving in a patch of dark. "They ain't got no fucking lights out here." 

Mom came close to making a hole-in-one on the 18th hole at putt-putt Wednesday night, which would have won her $50. "My ball went right over the fucking hole." 

We watch Friday's weather forecast on Thursday night. "Lot of fucking rain coming. I don't want to see any rain until fucking Tuesday." (It didn't but sprinkle for 10 minutes Friday.)

Mom buys a USA Today from the lobby. "It doesn't have a fucking crossword puzzle. I was really hoping to do it." (It was in the sports section, which featured a story on celebrations in sports and somehow didn't mention the jump bump.)

RANDOM THOUGHT OF EVERY SO OFTEN

How come every informercial has to get all excited about giving you a second product free with purchase of the main item? They always say, "Call now, and we'll throw in such-and-such absolutely free." If that second product was worth a shit, it have its own informercial. And by adding a second item, they're basically saying the first one isn't good enough to sell itself. 

PARTING SHOT 

On the way home from Capt. Anderson's on Friday night, the radio person is talking about big upcoming concerts in the area.  

Jockey: Yes. Journey tickets went on sale today. 

Tina: Didn't you already get tickets for that?

Me (whispering): We're not in New Orleans.  

Tina: Oh. Right.