LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION.

I have two movie ideas. Both are of the romantic comedy variety. I can tell you're excited.

1) A twisted romantic comedy about two people who meet on a plane trip across country. They are both recently single and sit next to each other. Throughout the plane ride, they exchange stories about past relationships and how they went wrong.

Based on the events of these stories, they realize they are perfect for each other. Just as they hold hands toward the end of the trip, however, the plane crashes, and they die.

2) A sweet romantic comedy about a dude in his 30s who realizes at the start of the film that his life sucks. His marriage isn't working out, and he just got laid off. Through some type of sci-fi magic, he wakes up during his freshman year of college.

This is where he made all the mistakes that have his life fucked up. He picks a new major, and when that epic moment arrives that he had thought about at the start of the film, he makes a move on the girl of his dreams.

But since he's messing with the past, other things go out of whack. He fixes those and is sent back to his mid 30s where he has a good job and three kids with the right girl. Tear. The end.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I call out for my mom once I enter the house to tell her something.
Me: "Ma! Ma!"
Mom: "Don't talk to me when I'm on the fucking toilet!"

Mom didn't want me to get my vegetables today. "We ain't opening up a fucking can of corn."

Mom looks at the sink. "Where the fuck did all these dishes come from?"

RANDOM THOUGHT OF EVERY SO OFTEN

To prevent parents from leaving their children to die in their hot-ass cars, some auto industry person should invent a sensory feature that makes a loud sound if someone tries to close all their doors with a live being in the car. Works for small children and dogs.

THIS DATE IN GENE POOL HISTORY

2008: Tina bought a Wii and worked on her bowling game. I predicted then that she would get bored with the Wii and bring it back within the month. While we still have the Wii, it hasn't been touched in 2009. So, I was kind of correct.

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that Sarah Palin is leaving her post as governor of Alaska? Did you know that Steve McNair was killed?

PARTING SHOT
Danny enjoys hearing my loud laugh from across the news room.

Danny (in text): It's a high-pitched beacon of hope for the future of our troubled industry.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five TV poker episodes.

5) Sanford and Son. The Card Sharps. Season 2.
Fred tries to warn Lamont not to play with some hustlers, but Lamont doesn't listen.

4) Psych. Poker? I Barely Know Her. Season 1.
Sean enters a no-limit tournament to catch a killer.

3) King of Queens. Head First. Season 1.
Doug gets more than he bargained for when he lets Arthur join his poker game. One of Arthur's games is called San Diego Scooby Doo.

2) Family Matters. A Pair of Ladies. Season 3.
Urkel plays with the cops, and hilarity/tragedy ensues.

1) Friends. The One with all the Poker. Season 1.
The girls lose to the boys and seek outside help for payback.

Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so ...