PEOPLE DO HAVE PICNICS AT LAFRENIERE. 

Late Wednesday afternoon, I organized a waffle ball game at Lafreniere Park. It was the first real game we got going since Officer Vi kicked us out of the Peace Quad permanently some time in 2004. Our other participants were Little Joe, Jenna, Chuck, Lopes and gal pals Paul and Kelly. 

The first place we set up shop was going fine (no slop, nice dimensions) until a park ranger (or whatever they call them there) pulled up and told us all the main fields were off limits in order to allow the grass to grow after the rains came. It was like "no waffle ball in the Peace Quad" all over again. 

Why don't they put up a sign, I asked? Well, they had signs all over the place, just not in the corner of the fields where we were playing. Sue us. We moved our game (with Lopes, Kelly and me ahead 1-0) to a picnic area across the street from the fields. 

Did we stop playing because it got dark and no fielders could make a play on the ball? No. Did we stop because we got tired of playing? Hell to the no no. We stopped, dear friends, because I was attacked by ants. 

As I was about to strike out Chuck for a crucial out, I felt a bite on my left leg. Then another. Uh-oh. I ran into the street where there was light and discovered that ants were all over both of my cleats. I also killed no less than six on my hands. 

Once I took off my cleats and scraped all the remaining ants off my bare feet, the game was pretty much over. Son of bitch, Chuck, Joe, Jenna and Paul won 11-10. Man, I hate losing. We should have drafted Lucky (that's Joe and Jenna's dog) to play in our outfield. 

Two gems from Wednesday's festivities. 

1) With Chuck's team demolishing Kelly's pitching (just kidding, nobody got out on both teams for like 15 batters in a row), I took over. 

Chuck: Watch out. Here comes Gene. He's like (Cubs closer) Kevin Gregg. Wait. People score all the time on Kevin Gregg. 

Lopes (from the deep outfield): No one has scored on Gene in years!

2) Kelly and Paul (yes, they drove together) drive by Lopes slowly on his way to the parking lot. Kelly rolls down the window. 

Lopes (referencing Tina): 20 bucks for a blow job. 

Kelly: I'm better than $20. 

Paul: I doubt it. 

Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the fine folks at Lafreniere for leaving my sweat and ant infested socks on the street in their beautiful park. My bad. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom still is pissed about the TV scheduling yesterday. "What does CBS think they are doing putting the Young & the Restless on at 10 a.m. and not telling anybody? Especially Cox. I bet they got a lot of fucking phone calls." 

Mom doesn't like me with facial hair. "It looks stupid. Why don't you just fucking shave it off?"

Mom is mad about the recent consistent rain. "When the fuck can you cut the grass when it's always wet?"  

Mom doesn't believe I have my priorities straight. "All you care about is that fucking computer."

PARTING SHOT

In poker, if a player has the best hand possible, that's referred to as "the nuts." The origin comes from the old west when players would bet their horse and wagon as a last resort and have to put the nuts of the wagon in the pot to ensure they wouldn't flee if defeated. It was assumed that nobody would bet the horse and wagon without the best hand possible. 

Last night at Harrah's, a player turned over his cards at the end of the hand and emphatically yelled, "Nuts!" He won the hand. 

Another player (matter-of-factly): The nuts. Michael Jackson's favorite hand. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

The top five hits from Wednesday's waffle ball game. 

5) Leadoff homers. 

Lopes and Chuck each made out like Rickey Henderson and lead off the game for their teams with a solo (no shit, Sherlock) shot. 

4) Paul bomb.

Paul surprised Lopes with his power by lining a homer over his head. 

3) Chuck crushes. 

In his second at-bat, Chuck hit a dinger about 15 feet farther than his leadoff homer. I was playing deep, took off after it, and it still cleared my head by five feet or so. 

2) BG TFC. (Ballgame. Thanks for coming.)

With the score my team 10-7, Little Joe hit a grand slam, which turned out to be the winner when we quit as a result of ants. 

1) Grand slam. 

To leadoff an inning, I hit a ball really deep. Before we started playing on our second field, we decided that if anyone hit the tree way out in center field, it would be an automatic grand slam, even if no one was on base. I connected with the leaves for four runs in a two-strike count.