HAPPY 233RD BIRTHDAY, AMERICA

We can all rest easy now. I watched Independence Day on the Fourth of July, a tradition I started way back in 2002. Of course, the one year I didn't view it, 2005, the shit hit the fan in late August.

Because of that, I've made a solemn pledge to the city of New Orleans to watch the Will Smith Blockbuster every July 4th for the rest of my life. I'm so superstitious about it that I'm still watching the VHS like I did in 2002, even though I own the DVD. We all have to do our part.

My favorite line? I thought you'd never ask. In a meeting to launch an attack on the aliens, Will says: "No, sir. (I'm) just a little anxious to get up there and whoop E.T.'s ass. That's all."

Also, for the big American holiday, Tina fixed ribs (with potato salad and broccoli) and brownies. For dessert, I threw down four brownies with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and hot fudge on top. Yummy. I brought the rest of the batch to work as part of Jelly's farewell.

I was disappointed that some of my co-workers ordered Chinese for dinner. Yeah, on the birthday of our great nation. How un-American. How dare they. The Statue of Liberty sheds a tear.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom strolls down the hallway at 2 a.m. Saturday. "People are out there shooting fireworks. Like fucking go to bed."

She stays up for a few minutes and tells me some pop culture news. "You hear about the oldest Jonas brother? Fucking 21. He's engaged. Fucking insane."

Our TV guide doesn't have the schedule for tomorrow. It says no data. "What's with this shit? It's the next fucking day!"

When I woke up Saturday, I ask mom if she liked my headline (DOUBLE VISION) on the front page of sports. "Jesus Christ. What you think I been doing all day? Think I have time to fucking browse your little headline?"

Mom was excited that our electric bill took a significant drop from this time last year.
Me: What do you think made the difference?
Mom: The new vent and not changing the fucking temperature.

Mom didn't much care for Quantum of Solace. "Too much bullshit going on. I can't watch that shit."

RANDOM THOUGHT OF EVERY SO OFTEN

Why do commercials have to be so much louder than the TV show? Sometimes, I purposely have the TV low, but then the commercials start and boom!, it's loud. They think that's going to make me pay more attention and buy into the products? No. It pisses me off.

ON THIS DATE IN GENE POOL HISTORY

2008: I watched Independence Day and talked about seeing free fireworks at Zephyr Field the night before. The game went into extra innings, and I made it out there from work in time to see the end of the game and the free show. Coincidentally, the Zephyrs went into extras last night as well.

PARTING SHOT
Max and D are discussing the murder of Steve McNair.

D: Man, I'm dying to know ... Wait, that's a bad word. I mean, I want to know what really happened.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five poker dealers.

5) Cookie. Harrah's.
In a way, the perfect dealer. If the table is having fun, she joins right in. If the table is quiet and/or boring, she adds some life to it, usually by being a smart-ass.

4) Terri. Argosy.
He was the wise-old sage of Baton Rouge. Dealt me pocket aces three times once in 30 minutes. And all three won.

3) Hamilton. Harrah's.
Even though I seem to always lose with him at the helm. We do exchange fist pounds.

2) Mac. Argosy.
Closest dealer to my age. Probably the coolest one I've ever had. He's Bert and David's favorite.

1) Jamie. Harrah's.
Even though he's a Jets fan. I've had some of my biggest runs with him dealing.