BITE SIZE

On Wednesday night at the park, I only noticed two bite marks from the ants. They were both on my left foot right next to each other. Kelly, bless her heart, had Benadryl in her purse and let me put some on the bites.

There was no itching after that until Saturday afternoon. I found 11 bites. Here's the breakdown:

Left hand: 2 (close together on index finger)
Left leg: 5
Right leg: 4

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Our air conditioner is on the fritz for the third time this summer. My mom: "It's not every other day. No. It's every fucking day. Jesus Christ."

Thirty minutes later. "It's not like it's once a week. It's every fucking day."

Two hours later. "This is not good. Ruins my whole fucking day."

The air conditioner man was scheduled to arrive from noon to 1 p.m. At 3:30 p.m., mom said: "Fucking ridiculous. Ruined my whole fucking day."

ON THIS DATE IN GENE POOL HISTORY

2008: Favre asked the Packers to release him so he could play for another team. That son of a bitch just won't go away. Also, I realized I had been driving without insurance (DWI) for the past three days.

PARTING SHOTS
I forgot what we were talking about.

Brick (about me): He remembers it fondly.
Liam: Did you just say he remembers a fondling?

We're talking about exploiting children.

Me: I'm going to live vicariously through my kids.
Sandy: Don't worry. Blowup dolls can't get pregnant.