MAC STORE JOURNEY. PART II.

On Tuesday, I had a six-fold goal of errands and completed 4 1/4 of them. On Friday, that number jumped to 5 1/2 at the mall. I had an 11 a.m. appointment at the Mac store for one of its "geniuses" to look at my laptop.

I arrived at 10:57 and was called to the counter to be served at 11:10 a.m. That store is a zoo. Crazy busy. At least my "genius" was a looker (though with a ring). Their computer experts have shirts that say: "If I were a reindeer, I'd be Fixen." (Whistles). I explain the problem with my CD drive to her by imitating the noises the system makes when I insert a disc. She giggled.

Worker: And how long has this problem been going on?
Me: Since, uh, Augustish.
Worker: Augustish, eh?
Me: Yeah. Augustish.
Worker: OK. I'm typing that into the system. Augustish.

She then puts a CD into the drive to try to figure out the problem. She looks at my screensaver.

Worker: Is that who I think it is on your computer or is that just a friend who looks like him?
Me: Oh, it's him.
Worker: What's his name again?
Me: Edge.
Worker: Oh yeah. He's cute. I used to watch wrestling with an ex. That is a tight picture.
(Then, at the end of the session.)
Worker: Is that really Edge? Come on, that's just one of your friends, right?
Me: No. That's really him. It was at a meet and greet.
Worker: Cool. That is so tight.

The good news is that the problem is a software issue. So no major work required. The better news is that the part is under warranty. The downside is that they have to order the part, which is supposed to take five business days. Friday was my second visit (and a 1/4 credit in my plan) to the Mac store. When the part comes in, I'll make a third trip to drop off the computer and then a fourth trek to pick it up.

After the Mac store, I went to JC Penny's to hit up their 70 percent off sales. Bought two pairs of pants. Check.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom tagged along on Friday's journey to do some shopping as well. As we pull up to the mall, she looks at Macy's. "The economy is so bad all these fucking name brand department stores are closing. How the hell Macy's opens up here?"

When we get to the parking lot after Penny's, mom can't find the car. "Shit. Where'd I park. ... Shit. I know it was close. ... Oh, fuck me. It can't be too far. Shit." We found it a minute later.

I informed mom as we entered the mall that I forgot my wallet at home. She just rolled her eyes at me. But when we got back in the car an hour and a half later, she said: "How could you forget your fucking wallet?"

I have an oil change scheduled for next Wednesday at Volkswagen. As you may remember, they royally messed it up last time. "And your gonna fucking go back. They ain't the only fucking dealer around. Fucking turnover there every three or four months."

On the way home, mom sees that the Wal-Mart parking lot is full. "Look at fucking Wal-Mart. They'll never go out of business."

Mom yelled at several drivers Friday afternoon, but only one drew the cursing ire. An 18-wheeler is slow getting over into the turning lane, causing mom to hit her break in the middle of the highway. "Jesus. A complete stop on the fucking highway!"

Mom asks me during lunch if I've made an oil change appointment yet. I tell her yes. "That place is fucking pathetic. An oil change takes fucking hours."

Mom is picking up Christmas decorations and notices the piece for Santa's nose is missing. She realizes she threw it away the other day not knowing what it was. She digs through the trash for a minute. "Where the fuck is it?"

PLAYOFF PICKS
I can't hit baseball and football right on back-to-back, but ...

This week's games: Cardinals, Colts, Dolphins, Eagles
Super Bowl: Colts (who I picked from the start) over Panthers

PARTING SHOTS
Stephen comes over to give the let's-go-to-dinner signal.

Liam: I got sausage over here.
Stephen (excitedly): Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Derry is looking at the NFL playoff matchups.

Derry: What's Addai's status?
Marcus: I think single.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five quotes from Bob's New Year's Eve Bash

5) Kaila is talking about Monday trivia at Finn McCool's and how she and others got third place recently.

Kaila (to Chuck): So, we have to go again and bring you, Bob and all our other smart friends.
Me: Excuse me.
Kaila: What?
Me: I'm sitting right here.
Kaila: Oh. And you, too.

4) We're discussing the Tina Cursing Corner and how everybody loves Tina and her language.

Christie (to me): And Tina would be ... your mom?

3) Twenty seconds into 2009, I make a declaration.

Me: 2009 is going to be way better than 2008.
Bob: Why? We're just continuing our slow march toward death.

2) Chuck and I go to the bathroom at the same time at Cosimo's.

Me: Chuck, can I sing you a song?
Chuck: Please don't.
(A few seconds go by, and then Chuck reads what's written on the wall.)
Chuck: Frank is a fag. Fran will suck your (pause) kick?
Me: Maybe she has a foot fetish.

1) In 2008, Brent and Chuck are discussing their love for the Braves but how Atlanta fans aren't so great.

Brent: Braves fans suck. And most of my friends who are fans don't live there. They're really just TBS fans.
Bob: Very funny.

(In 2009, Bob says something on the negative side.)

Chuck: Well, you'll always have your very funny comment.
Bob (confused): Which one was that?
Me: No. Not some random funny comment you made. Your "Very funny" comment.