HE'S NO NORMAN BATES.

Let's be honest. I have a man-crush on Tyler Hansbrough. That's no secret. I named a stuffed animal Tar Heel after him for crying out loud.  

I'm tracking his chase of the record books. He needs 260 points (or about 14 a game) to break Redick's all-time ACC scoring mark. And he needs 45 free throws (I've been counting down on this one since 172) to break Dickie Hemric's career free-throws made record. 

Frankly, I'm appalled by all the hate thrown his way. Granted, the media (namely ESPN) treats him like he's God's daily gift to us. I understand that the coverage focused on him is a little much. It's not like he's Michael Jordan or anything close. But just because they talk so well of him doesn't mean people have to hate him. That's just mean. 

I started liking Tyler in November of 2005. It was the first game I ever saw him play. There was no attention being paid to him whatsoever. It was pure. And he kept growing on me more and more every game. So, it's not like the media just invented him out of nowhere. 

Now, I'm the first one to criticize Tyler. There have been two games this season where I thought his play was pathetic. That's right. Pathetic. But he plays the game with an intensity that every fan should demand their players emulate. OK. OK. I won't get carried away writing everything that makes him so awesome. Nah. I'll do that in song. 

There is a man at UNC (There is a house in New Orleans)

They call him Psycho T (They call the Rising Sun)

And he's been the ruin of many a record (And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy)

And J.J., you're up, you see (And God, I know I'm one)

He plays Texas ping pong (My mother was a tailor)

Off the roof for a thrill (She sewed my new blue jeans)

At some frat house into a pool (My father was a gamblin' man)

Down in Chapel Hill (Down in New Orleans)

Now getting to the free-throw line (Now the only thing a gambler needs)

Is what he does best (Is a suitcase and trunk)

And he'll survive in the NBA (And the only time he's satisfied)

Because he'll be a pest (Is when he's on a drunk)

Oh, coaches, tell your players (Oh, mother, tell your children)

That he intends to play mean (Not to do what I have done)

Attack the glass and lose a contact (Spend your lives in sin and misery)

In the house of Jordan and Dean (In the house of the rising sun)

Well, he's got range, a spin move (Well, I got one foot on the platform)

And a weird hooking toss (The other foot on the train)

He's going back to the Final Four (I'm goin' back to New Orleans)

And not to get a loss (To wear that ball and chain)

Repeat first verse

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I'm watching the first disc of Lost with my mom. Charlie has some type of drug on him. "I thought it was coke. But it's fucking yellow. There ain't no yellow fucking coke." Then, a few scenes later, Charlie snorts it. Mom still is confused. "What the fuck is that?" 

A group of about seven islanders go to climb the mountain to try to get a signal. I comment that it's weird because only like two people really needed to go. "Yeah. They don't need all those fucking people to get a signal." 

I'm sitting in my room after just waking up. Mom is watching TV in the living room, and I can hear a commercial for some type of skin cream. The ad finishes. "Bulllllllllshit!" 

Mom then walks by my room. She thinks I am still sleeping. "He's going to sleep his fucking life away." 

Mom wants to know if I want to go to Circuit City for the going-out-of-business sale. I say I don't want to wait in line. "It's not worth you waiting in line. It's worth me waiting in lane. Because you don't give a shit."

Mom is watching a tape. She hits fast forward. "I'm sick of fucking commercials." 

OWN THIS

The word own is used mainly as an adjective or a verb. The verb part is simple. I own a sweet hat collection. CP3 owned Jason Kidd in the playoffs last season. As an adjective, however, own is useless and can be added to our growing list of such words.

Usually, own is used for emphasis. Which might be fine for speaking but in the written word, it looks rather asinine. Exs: We want to hear your own opinion. He has his own way of doing things. Both sentences are better off without own. Ex: Everyone has his own locker. Now, "Everyone has his locker" loses the spirit of the thought. Still, own is unnecessary. You can simplify: Everyone has a locker. 

The main two examples I can think of from the sports universe: 1) The Saints will start the drive at their own 33-yard line. 2) The Dolphins control their own destiny (the use of the word destiny is a whole other matter). Clearly, own is redundant and any announcer or writer should be beaten with a stick every time they use these. 

Own is acceptable in turns of phrase such as "to each his own" or "Here I go again on my own." I think these don't bother me because own is at the end of the clause. I guess. 

Credit to JRap for pointing this atrocity out to me. He doesn't have his own blog to do it. Oops.  

PARTING SHOT

I'm flipping through the channels at work Saturday and stop on the U.S. Figure Skating Championships for a few seconds. Liam says he doesn't like figure skating (or does he?). 

Me: You ever see how skimpy the girls' outfits are. And the moves they do in pairs. It's all borderline porn. 

Liam: Man, when I see that on, I get off as fast as possible. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five grammar school teachers and what they wrote in my seventh-grade yearbook.

5) Ms. Hecker. 4th, 6th grade English. 

She wasn't there anymore, but once in fourth grade, she casually warned me about another student getting close to my level by whispering into my ear: "You better watch your back."

4) Mrs. Savoie. 6th, 7th grade Religion.

"You are a terrific young man. I have truly enjoyed teaching you. I wish you the best in life. Promise that you will chill out just a bit."

3) Mrs. Stein. 7th grade English.

"You're without a doubt, one of the best students that I have ever taught. Your potential is tremendous!"  

2) Mrs. Bouffard. 7th grade Science.

"I hope you go on to obtain all your dreams and try to keep active in clubs and social events to help balance your academic drive! I'll really miss your wit and humor! You have outstanding talents - keep using them - and smile more often!!" 

1) Mr. Patent. 5th, 7th grade Math.

This is from sixth grade: "You're a dancing machine. I hope you're ready for me again next year. Work on those Final Four picks."