DEAR RAVENS, TRADE ED REED TO N.O. PRETTY PLEASE.

I tried to convince myself for most of the week that the Dolphins could beat the Ravens. Then, I pretended like the game didn't exist on Friday and Saturday to prevent getting too worked up about it. In the end, I concluded the Ravens were too good. After all, I did say they were the team to watch out for about halfway through the season. (I said the same thing about the Giants last year.)

Still, my heart won out, and I officially picked the Dolphins to win. My logic: 1) We don't commit turnovers. 2) Led by Pennington, they're efficient on offense and can sustain drives. 3) Joe Flacco is a rookie QB on the road. 4) Our defense has been stout at times this year. 5) Home-field advantage. 6) We've won 9 out of 10. Like Sparano says: "Why not us?"

Well, they beat the shit out of us. (Though Ed Reed, my best fantasy player this season, did most of the damage. I hear the deal is No. 1 pick and Charles Grant for Ed Reed. He wants to come home, right?) Plain and simple. No excuses. Another Dolphins playoff blowout. Thanks, guys. I forgot what those feel like.

Like Celine Dion said, it's all coming back to me now. The pain. The hearting hurt. The helplessness. Mistake after mistake. An ever-increasing deficit. This team did show some fight, though.

I'll get over it probably some time Tuesday afternoon. It was an amazing campaign, going from 1-15 to 11-5. But this is the fifth time recently I've had a team come out of nowhere during the season, get my hopes up and then have a big letdown when it mattered. The other four being the 2006 Saints, the 2008 Hornets, the 2008 LSU baseball team and the 2006 LSU basketball team.

What pisses me off more is losing a bet Sunday because I'm an idiot. I made a parlay bet with my bookie with the two Sunday games. Here was my thinking: I'm going to tell everyone I'm picking the Dolphins because I just can't pick against the Fish, but really I know the Ravens will win. So, I came up with a solution to come out a winner either way: Bet on the Ravens. If the Dolphins were to win, I wouldn't care about losing the money. If the Ravens did what I expected, then at least I make some money off it.

Somehow, though, when I sent a text message to my bookie naming the teams I was picking, I typed "Give me the Dolphins and Eagles in a parlay." I guess I was thinking about the Dolphins too much. I realized in the second quarter Sunday that I had typed Dolphins. Ugh.

The whole point of betting was to insure victory of some sort. This was putting all my eggs in the Dolphins basket. (Unless the Ravens won by a field goal or less, but I believed it was either Dolphins win by a little or Ravens win by a lot).

Heck, in the second game Sunday, I cheered for the Vikings just so I wouldn't feel like such an idiot for typing in the wrong team. Nope. Eagles got the job done. That sound you hear is my $58 circling the drain.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom wakes up Sunday morning in a bad mood. "I slept like shit. Fuck. The fucking lightning kept coming through my window."

Mom is using the vacuum cleaner but accidentally drops the handle, which causes the thingy where the dust goes to pop open. Yikes. "Oh, fuck! There's shit everywhere."

Mom tries to explain something to me about pants while I'm watching the Dolphins-Ravens game. I tell her to tell me later. She refuses and keeps on with her explanation just as Chad Pennington throws a Jarrett Lee to Ed Reed. I feel sick and shoo away mom, who keeps on talking.

Me: Mom, not right now.
Mom: What is your problem? It's only a fucking game.

REQUIESCAT IN PACE

I found out by browsing through facebook late Saturday night that my Latin teacher from Rummel died last week. The funeral was Wednesday. I had no idea. I felt terrible.

Mr. Suhor would always start class out with a prayer and some sort of Latin chant. He was probably the most holy layperson I've ever met. According to his obit, he studied at Notre Dame Seminary. Didn't know that, but it makes sense. After the chant, he'd tell us to open our books as he opened his calender. He'd say, ever so gently: "The agenda for today, gentleman, is ... "

He wasn't the greatest teacher in the world. I think in two years of Latin we almost finished the textbook that Jesuit finishes completely for Latin I. But that's not really the point of this post. The man was awesome.

There was a reason 10-12 of us still showed up at night time Latin club meetings when we were juniors and seniors even though we hadn't taken Latin since 9th grade. Once, we had a toga party. Another time, we re-enacted Caesar's death. And oh yeah. He overbought on cookies and soft drinks every time, so we'd all get to bring some home.

Regina: Do you want to come over tonight and hang out for a little while?
Me: Can't. There's a Latin club meeting tonight. (And that was during the good times.)

In class, we sang Latin songs he gave us (who cares if I never understood the words), and we had chants to remember the conjugations of the verbs (abam, abas, abat, etc.). Mr. Suhor "translated" the Rummel fight song into Latin. It was a religious version. I still sing his version most of the time when I hear the song played.

I hardly remember any Latin. Except something he taught us on the first day of eighth grade. La puella est pulchra. Which means: The girl is pretty. I think he was trying to teach us a pickup line of sorts there.

Bene, Mr. Suhor. Bene.

PARTING SHOT
Liam tells me that Chad Pennington makes him cringe when he passes.

Liam: His balls are in the air so long, ...
Bake: Excuse me?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
Sunday's loss was not exactly embarrassing. Baltimore is the better team. But it got me to thinking about the most embarrassing losses my teams have had in the playoffs.

5) Georgia 34, LSU 14. SEC championship. 2005.
Except for a blown huge halftime lead against Tennessee, the Tigers were undefeated headed in and ranked third. As I've learned since, this was just the beginning of Bulldog blowouts in the series.

4) Mavericks 116, Rockets 76. Game 7. 2005 playoffs.
And to think we won the first two games of this series in DALLAS.

3) Weber State 76, UNC 74. 1999 first round.
Where is Harold "The Show" Arceneaux these days?

2) Dodgers 10, Cubs 3. 2008 first round.
Ground ball. Error. Ground ball. Error. Ground ball. Error.

1) Jaguars 62, Dolphins 7. 1999 second round.
I still laugh at the notion of Dan begging Johnson to let him go out there for the first series of the second half to see if he could start a comeback.