BEST WEDDING EVER. NO. SERIOUSLY. PART II.

Granted, I haven't been to many weddings in my day. But after Saturday's affair, I know for a fact that I will never go to another wedding as fun as Gillie and Brian's. Unless, of course, I ever get married. It was emotional, entertaining, euphoric, energetic, etc.

The wedding festivities, as you may have guessed, started with the wedding ceremony. I sat with Lil' Joe, Nick and Bogner in the back row on the left side. We couldn't see much of the ceremony. In fact, we didn't even see when somebody (I think Gillie's dad?) tripped near the altar just before the start. Priest: "OK. Now, let's have a safe wedding."

The priest came all the way from Sonoma, Calif., to perform the ceremony. That's odd. So did Gillie's family and some of her friends. Father had a sense of humor. After all the Mass stuff, he said: "Umm, what part comes next?"

He then told the story of his grandparents renewing their vows on their 60th anniversary with him as the priest. During his vow, his grandfather looked around at everyone there and then at his wife and said: "I do, and this time I mean it." This led Father into his theme for the service.

He said he asks himself every day when he wakes up: "Do I want to be a priest today?" Sometimes, it's easy, like on a wedding day. Other days, it's harder. But he wants to live every day as a priest like he means it. That was the theme. Live every day like you mean it. Do I want to blog today? Yes, and this time I mean it. Inspirational stuff.

Lil' Joe (whispering to me): "He's like you if you were a priest."

Don't think you were getting away with it, Lisa. Halfway through the ceremony, we hear the Church door slam. The back few rows turn around to see Lisa arriving late. She played it off, and everyone turned back around to the ceremony. I gave her the stare down.

After the ceremony, we blew bubbles at the happy couple as they left the Church. Mine kept going right into Nick's face. He didn't like it. I then rode with Lisa to the reception at Mulate's. She parked in a no-parking zone because she's a rebel and such.

I had my first jack and coke at 4:05 p.m. It was strong. As were the rest. Can you guess how many I had? Answer to come. Some food was laid out early as well, which was good because I could already feel it after the second jack and coke. I must have had me about four plates of catfish.

At around 4:45, somebody (I think Bob) told me to pace myself. I said: "I have only begun to drink." Bob also introduced me to his date, Dara, at this point. She kept laughing at me, for the next eight hours.

The table 13 seating assignments: Kate, her boyfriend Marcus, me, Nick, 2/3 of the Virginian Triumvirate (that's an in-person explanation) and a normal Virginian and his girlfriend. Nick asks Kate if she's reading my blog, and she says no. Nick tells me I should have brought business cards.

Kate: "You should have. I have my entire press kit right here with me."

Nick: "Really?"

Kate: "No. But I should."

My mission at the reception (scheduled from 4 to 10 p.m.) was to get drunk, sober up in the middle and then get drunk again. (Accomplished.) Lisa's mission was to start her own cursing corner. Here's her two best efforts.

1) Early in the night, I pretended to choke Lisa for shits and giggles. Later, she was explaining the situation to somebody and said: "I don't want people to think that Gene and I engaged in some fucking weird sexual act involving choking."

2) Erin gets on Lisa's nerves, and the Enforcer in Lisa made an appearance. Lisa: "Erin, I will skull-fuck you if you spill something on my dress."

Dinner was awesome. At first, I thought it was just the alligator and catfish that were put out early. Silly, silly me. The actual dinner was red beans and rice, crawfish etouffee and jambalaya. I got a big plate and ate it up. The etouffee was especially good. Must have it again.

Gillie and Brian made an entrance after their carriage ride around the city and danced their first song as a married couple: Better Together by Jack Johnson. I can't get the first line of the song out of my head. Thanks, guys.

I was a trend-setter at the reception. 1) I was the first person to take off the jacket. Yeah. Like right after I found my table. (Brian, you know I don't play costume games, right?) 2) I was the first person to get drunk. 3) I was the first person to start dancing. Well, I was one of two people to dance first. I danced with Lisa. 4) I was the first person to untuck the pants. 5) I was the first person to loosen the tie.

How much did I drink at this thing? So much that I was still feeling woozy Monday afternoon. So much that I put out a candle with my thumb at the reception and didn't feel a thing. (There was wax all over my thumb.) So much that I threw up eight separate times Sunday morning.

Here's my drinking breakdown:

4-6: five jack and cokes

6-8: speeches + dinner = sober up

8-10: five jack and cokes

11-1: most of two hurricanes at after party

That last part was a bad idea. During the hurling process, Tina set me straight. "Never put fucking fruity drinks on top of whiskey."

Still to come in the series: Reception speeches, dancing and the after party

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom bought a king cake today from the Randazzo's around the corner. They made it a little different today. "They didn't put sprinkles on it. I asked why. They said they wanted to do something different for MLK Day. I said what does MLK Day have to do with the fucking sprinkles? ... I went on the wrong fucking day."

I'm playing Gillie and Brian's wedding CD. The first song (by one Adam Sandler) starts. "What the fuck is this?" Seriously, though, mom loved the CD idea. "It's better than a fucking book of matches."

Mom and I had this MLK Day exchange. I think it's classic.

Mom: Why is there no day for JFK?

Me: What he do?

Mom: He was fucking assassinated.

Me: Yeah. But what did he do to deserve his own day?

Mom: He fucked Marilyn Monroe.

Mom hears that I'm watching the new episode of 24 live Monday night. I had told her earlier that I would watch it later, but I changed my mind. She got confused. "What? That's un-fucking-believable."

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that tomorrow is Obama's inauguration? What? You heard about that? Who told you? That was supposed to be a secret.

I'm told (about 117 times in the past week) that this will be the biggest and most important inauguration in the history of the country. You can watch it on TV (according to the TV guide) from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. That's a bit much on the coverage, don't you think? Isn't two or three solid hours enough?

Here's Tina's thoughts on the matter: "They're going all out for this fucking president. There's a week-long party." ... "All the fucking companies are getting into it, making their employees watch the inauguration."

PARTING SHOT

During their comeback Sunday, the Eagles made a long play on third-and-19 to get into scoring position. After the play, color commentator Troy Aikman said what has now become a catchphrase for me.

Aikman: Usually, when you make a big play like that, a lot of positives can come from it.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five dishes Tina makes.

5) Breakfast.

Comes with cheese omelet, bacon, biscuits and grits. Better than any breakfast place.

4) Steak.

The last few times she's made it have been so good that there's no need to get it at a restaurant anymore.

3) Breaded pork chops.

Only used for special occasions. Like Easter and my birthday.

2) Wings.

Even Marcus would have to agree.

1) Spaghetti and meatballs.

It's in her blood.