HE'S PROBABLY NO JON LOVITZ 

One milestone in every great writer's career is discovering his first published critic. It symbolizes the writer's proverbial arrival on the scene. That moment came for me Sunday night while I was looking at facebook, which is quickly becoming my best site for the latest news. 

On my facebook home page, I read that Bob has updated his Web sites. One is about his favorite band The Band and the other name intrigued me: poolsidebob.blogspot.com.

I click on the link and am taken to the site. In the minute that followed, I was: shocked, amused, spooked, excited, perturbed and flattered. In the end, I decided that flattered was the best word to describe it. 

Bob's blog is a review of my blog. It's called Poolside (feat. Bob Wardlaw): A critical look inside the collected works of blogging's newest rising star. Design-wise, everything about his site mimics mine, except that his title isn't written in red. What's up with that, Bawb?

He's even got my high school graduation picture in the background. I tell Jelly about the site, and she wanted to know how many days he went without sleeping in his picture. Ha. It also has the same colors and a poll about The Gene Pool. I voted for Gene. 

I read Bob's first two entries and kept looking at the logo picture for the site. I couldn't stop laughing. At my pic in the background. At his picture. At his likes and dislikes about my posts. 

With a full day to reflect on the situation, I can't believe this site exists. Will he be able to keep up with it daily? Will he have reoccurring segments? Will he request we do a Q&A? Will we have a public confrontation and end up on TMZ if I get really pissed about one of his critical comments? 

Hopefully, having a hard-nosed critic who calls me out on occasion will be a good thing. It'll let me know I can't get away with stuff. It adds pressure as well because disappointing Bob is just not something I want to do. I'm not sure if Bob is doing this because a) he wants to mock me, b) he really cares about the site or c) he got bored Saturday. I guess it might be a combination. Or something I'm not thinking of. 

Who knows, maybe I'll eventually start a blog that is a critical look into his collected critical works of "blogging's newest rising star." Man, I like that subtitle.  

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I tell my mom that I will leave Volkswagen during my oil change Wednesday for lunch and will hope that the car is ready when I return. "It's a fucking oil change. It should only take 45 minutes even if there's 10 people ahead of you."

Mom is cleaning up. I'm in the living room. She's in the bathroom. "This fucking thing. ... Oh, there ain't no fucking shampoo in there." 

Mom and I are watching $100,000 Password from Sunday. 

-- A contestant tells Regis he's a lawyer and was just laid off. "Fucking laid off."

-- Serena Williams and the contestant she's playing with get no points in a round. "They got fucking zero. That's pathetic." 

-- The password is shoot. The clue giver says score and then basketball, but Serena can't come up with the answer. Mom is displeased. "How do you score in basketball? Fucking shoot." 

-- Mom is impressed with the play of Craig Ferguson. "He got fucking mink out of (the clue) stole." 

-- A contestant loses out on $25,000 because she gave two answers in a row on the winning password. You're supposed to wait for another clue after each guess. She knew the answer. She just jumped the gun. This was heartbreaking to watch. Mom: "Her fuck up. She fucked up." 

Mom watched this NBC show where they have a dance competition between a bunch of nations. I don't think she liked it. "It's so fucking bizarre."

Mom is mad at the newspaper. "I can't believe there wasn't a fucking write-up about the new shows in the paper. Not a fucking word about Nip/Tuck. Like it's fucking nothing." 

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that American Idol is returning to FOX next Tuesday? Maybe you weren't exactly sure when, but I bet you knew it was coming soon. They didn't cancel the show. Can you believe that? 

Did you know that American Idol is the biggest show in the world? Yeah. Wildly popular. I'm pretty sure they don't need to advertise much for it. But that hasn't stopped FOX from airing an ad for it during every timeout in the football playoffs. I get it already. People will take turns singing, and then they will listen to other people tell them how great and pathetic they did. 

While we're on the topic, it seems to me that there are two kinds of reality shows. 1) People compete to see who is the best at a specific talent. 2) A bunch of people come together somewhere and have some sort of weekly random competition. In both, there's usually voting off and a prize at the end. 

I don't like this kind of TV. It doesn't do anything for me. No plots. No thank you.  

PARTING SHOT

I forgot about this one from last week at dinner. 

Derry (to Brick and Stephen): I'll bet on anything. If ya'lls mothers had a race down the street, I'd bet on that.

Brick: Well, I'd hope you would bet on Stephen's mom. Mine's in a wheelchair.

Someone (Phil?): What if it's downhill?

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five Macaulay Culkin films

5) The Good Son. 1993.

That was one bad little mofo of a kid.

4) Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. 1992.

I used to have a 500-piece puzzle of the movie poster.

3) My Girl. 1991.

How dare they do a sequel.

2) Richie Rich. 1994.

Oh, we don't have a barrel of money. Maybe we're ragged and funny. ...

1) Home Alone. 1990.

Mom: Say good night, Kevin.

Kevin: Good night Kevin.