AH, THE OTHER NATIONAL PASTIME.

Kelly came over last night after work to hang out. We watched an episode of Scrubs, took a peak at SNL, chatted about her new job as a first-grade teacher and played a board game.

While I was eating the rest of JRap's pizza from dinner Saturday night, Kelly asked for a drink. I gave her a Jack Daniel's punch drink. It's still leftover from my Gene Pool pool party back in August. Half an hour later, she had drank about 1/4 of it. I ask her for an explanation. Kelly: "I'm a slow drinker." Could have fooled me.

We played Parcheesi. Never heard of it? I'm not shocked. I don't think it's a very well-known game. On the box, it says that Parcheesi is the royal game of India. Wikipedia tells me that royalty is said to have played the game using people as the pawns. Interesting.

Well, we had quite the rousing game of Parcheesi. You know, once we figured out how to play and all. I think it would be even more fun with three or four players. I was winning big time (so bad that Marcus would have said Ballgame about 17 times) until Kelly made one of the fiercest rallies in Parcheesi history.

Basically, it came down to each of us needing to roll a certain combination with the die. I needed a 3 and a 1; she needed a 2 and a 3. I got to this point well before her but couldn't hit the magic combination. Then, Kelly made a fatal rookie mistake (rolling doublets three times in a row - what was she thinking, right?) and had to move one of her pawns all the way around the board again.

However, I still hadn't hit a 3 and a 1 by the time she was back in position to win again. We should have counted how many rolls it was taking me to hit my winning numbers. I'd say it was a little over 50 rolls. Right when Kelly got back in position to win, I said: "F this. I'm going to stop trying (I was trying to will the dice into a 3 and a 1) to roll a 3 and a 1. From now on, I'm going to pretend that that combination makes me lose. (Getting ready to roll) So please no 3 and 1. No 3 and 1. I don't want to lose."

Believe it or not, the very next roll was a 3 and a 1 for the Parcheesi victory. Kelly couldn't believe it. Kelly: "No fucking way. You did not just do that." But I did. We both took a moment to marvel at what just happened. After my brief reflection, I celebrated by running around the room and then falling to my knees and shouting to the gods like a soccer player after a go-ahead goal. Kelly: "You bastard."

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom realizes the food needs to be put back in the microwave for a little longer. "Aw, fuck."

Mom sends me to work with a full chicken with cornbread stuffing for everyone to eat. She can't eat it herself because she's on a diet, and the neighbors gave it to her for Christmas. "I'll just tell them the fucking thing was delicious." (It was.)

Mom figures out that I'm ignoring her and watching the Eagles-Giants game. "You too worried about that fucking TV."

Mom sees a commercial advertising a Christmas sale. "You think this station is behind? They still showing the fucking holidays."

Mom gets a sharp pain in her thigh. "This can't be happening. How am I going to fucking workout?"

COMPOUND SENTENCES

I've been noticing a bad trend when I read the paper and while editing stories at work. Writers keep having these sentences with three independent clauses and two linking words. A short example: I like pizza, but I don't like too many toppings, and I don't like thick crusts.

That should be separated into two sentences. Too many thoughts going on in one sentence there. It confuses the mind. The correct structure is to use a compound sentence (formed with two thoughts, a comma and a linking word) and then a second sentence with the other independent clause. Example: I like pizza, but I don't like too many toppings. I also don't like thick crusts.

It seems so simple, yet I see this mistake about once a week, and I don't get it. Oops. I just did it myself. Sorry. What is so difficult about forming two sentences? Often times, these three-idea sentences end up being like 50 or more words. Ugh.

While we're on the topic, I also notice many compound sentences without commas in front of the linking word. This is called a run-on sentence and it is very bad. Used to lose a lot of points on a paper in high school if you did that. It's pretty simple. If you connect two independent clauses, you need a comma to separate the thoughts. Like in the second sentence of this paragraph.

PARTING SHOT
Kelly is telling me about her first week of teaching the first grade. She said it was somewhat stressful.

Kelly: "It was my first week with a big-girl job. And I got pink eye from one of the kids. All in all, it was a pretty good week."

THE DAILY TOP LIST
I've been out of touch with the movie world. The top 5 2008 movies that I didn't see but plan on seeing at some point.

5) Quantum of Solace.
Who doesn't like Bond?

4) Four Christmases.
Heard it wasn't too good, but it's Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. I'm obligated.

3) Eagle Eye.
Looks like a solid, hectic action film.

2) Seven Pounds.
Two words: Will Smith.

1) The Dark Knight.
I've never seen a Heath Ledger movie.