TWITTER ME THIS.

You know, at first, I was against this whole Twitter thing. Much like I was against the Macarena back in the seventh grade. But I might be starting to come around on Twitter.

The reason is I think celebrity Twitters are kind of interesting. Like for instance, how else would I know that Kim Kardashian, who describes herself as Armenian Princess in her bio, and Reggie went to see Drag Me to Hell last weekend and walked out on it in the middle because it "is sooo stupid"?

There's a Web site called twitterholic.com that keeps count of the twitter accounts based on followers. While I was looking at the list, Ashton Kutcher, ranked No. 1, passed 2 million followers. Why are 4,000 people becoming his followers at 12:40 a.m.?

Anyway, the rest of the top 10 is Ellen DeGeneres, CNN news, Britney (I read some of it; not entertaining at all), twitter itself, Obama, Oprah, John Mayer, Seacrest and Shaq. Did you know he got a new haircut?

So, Twitter isn't completely evil. Only a little evil.

I still hate the Macarena.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I wake up with MTV on my TV. Heidi pledges her love to Spencer. I tell my mom it was a heartwarming moment. "Like I give a fuck who that is."

Mom is talking to the air conditioner guy who came over today. They agree our across-the-street neighbor is aggravating. A-C guy: "I tried to avoid him on the way in here."
Mom: "Yeah. He talks a lot of shit."

Mom ventured out to Sears on Tuesday morning to buy some lawn equipment. "Went to fucking Sears. They discontinued it. All the way to the fucking mall. Fucking discontinued."

There was a problem with our DVR yesterday. "All my stories were fucked up. Couldn't even get the Light to come up."

We watch the first episode on the third disc of Season 4 of Lost.
-- On the reason for Michael's off-island meltdown: "He killed two people in fucking cold blood."
-- On Michael's attempted suicide: "Fucking lived."
-- On Russo getting shot at the end: "What the fuck?"

PARTING SHOT
Jelly and I are going down the escalator after work Tuesday.

Me: That's a nice umbrella bag you got there.
Jelly: I know. Courtesy of the T-P.
Me: For your, what, six loyal years of service?
Jelly: No. From the rack right down there.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five favorite catchphrases that I've been using.

5) What are you going to do?
When somebody tells me something sort-of-bad that happened.

Person: I got a paper cut.
Me: What are you going to do?

4) What? Is that bad?
When somebody says something went horribly wrong.

Person: We just blew a five-run lead!
Me: What? Is that bad?

3) I do what I can.
When someone says something about my effort.

Person: Nice job, Gene.
Me: I do what I can.

Or... Person: Way to fuck it up, Gene.
Me: I do what I can.

2) Did we win?
When someone mentions something about an ongoing game I'm not watching.

Person: Eight points in a row.
Me: Did we win?

1) That seems like a lot of effort.
When someone tells me how easy something is to do, but I refuse to do it because I'm lazy.

Person: You just go to the store and ....
Me: That seems like a lot of effort.