CASINO ROYALE

I've got a confession to make. I broke a New Year's Resolution late Monday night by going to Harrah's for the third time in the month of June. My resolution was to only gamble twice a month. 

Hey, I made it almost half the year. Plus, I had a winning poker night and jotted down some real gems. Take a look. 

1) After a hand, the player next to me taps me on the shoulder. 

Player (dead serious): How many decks do they use at a time here?

Me: Uh, one. 

Player: Cuz I just had the five of spades in my hand, and there was a five of spades on the board. 

Me: No. The one on the board was of clubs. 

Player: No man. I'm telling you. They playing with two decks. 

2) The dealer Cookie gives me a warning. 

Cookie: Look. You better stop playing footsie with me. Yeah, that's my foot. Because I ain't giving you no good cards for doing that. 

Me (flirtingly): That's what you say now. Give it some time. 

3) I overhear a convo between the two players next to me. 

Player 1: That's just like Doyle Brunson. Say, do you remember Doyle Brunson? 

Player 2: Uh, yeah. 

(For those of you not in the know, that would be like going to a baseball game, tapping the shoulder in front of you and asking: "Say, do you remember Hank Aaron?")

4) I would like to apologize for this next one in advance. I did not say my comment out loud but kept it to myself. 

Cookie (after messing up a deal): Oops. Sorry. This is not happening. 

Me: Just like that Michael Jackson comeback tour. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I ask my mom to read something. "I can't see shit."

Mom is watching the Young & the Restless. "Oh my god. They're fucking. Oh my god. He just fucked a man. Yup. He just fucked a man."

DID YOU KNOW? THE MICHAEL JACKSON EDITION

Did you know that Michael Jackson died? Did you know he was the King of Pop? Did you know he was 50? Did you know he had controversy with sexual allegations? Did you know that he did Thriller? Thriller!

PARTING SHOTS
I go downstairs to order a velox of the front page of LSU's baseball title.

Clerk: We don't have them yet.
Me: What? We need to get on the ball.
Clerk: Yeah. Like LSU was.
(I got one later in the shift.)

Mary makes a designer mistake.

Liam: Mary, don't let Gene rub off on you.
Jelly: That's what she said.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five technology advancements in my time.

5) Digital camera.
I don't miss having to wait for pictures to develop.

4) GPS.
Betsy has saved me from getting lost many times.

3) DVR.
Pausing live TV has changed my life.

2) Laptop computer.
So convenient to have your computer move with you.

1) iPod.
If only my battery didn't suck.