NEW ORLEANS GOES EXTREME.

On Sunday night, I went to my 26th live wrestling event, this time a pay-per-view at the New Orleans Arena. It was the WWE's second ever pay-per-view in the Crescent City, the first being in January of 2001. Sunday's show was titled: "Extreme Rules." Somehow, no tables were broken in the making of this event. WTF, mate?

The show started at 7 p.m, but the doors didn't open until right after 6, which caused a massive line to form outside the building. I had to wait 20 minutes once the line started moving to make it into the Arena. That's awful. Why not open at 5:30?

We sat in the third row, which is the closest I've ever been at a show. We also got to keep our chairs, seen here with a dramatic note on how to get in a line (oh, no!) after the show and flash your ticket to someone to prove you had a close seat.

This is the second chair I've taken home from a wrestling event. Of course, I stole the first one.

(In Jigsaw voice:) I'd like to play a game. It's called: Where's Lopes? Lopes went to the show as well, and I took this picture of his section. Can you find him? Hint: He's wearing a blue shirt, and his hand appears to be touching his mouth. FYI, the pretty girl's name is Kelly.

I was shocked to see that the announcers bring notes to the broadcast booth. Is that necessary? The announcer pictured was in the hot seat last week when naked pictures (I didn't look at them) surfaced of him on the Internet. He's telling people in the front row to stop chanting about it.

Rey Mysterio, a Mexican wrestler, covers his face after his opponent ripped off his mask, which is sacred in Mexican culture. Rey takes great pride in wearing his mask and didn't want anyone to see his face.

He's about five feet from me in this picture. I saw part of his face. I think that culture thing is an excuse. Boy ain't pretty. And he's balding.

Nothing says extreme like a garbage can pressed against your face as you hang upside down and your opponent comes charging from the other side of the ring.

This move, called the Batista Bomb, was the low point of my night. My favorite wrestler, Randy Orton, loses his world title after this move inside the dangerous steel cage. Boooo! Did I mention that Batista is my least favorite wrestler?

The main event was a ladder match for the other world title. It was a solid, 20-minute match with a lot of high spots, including this one where Jeff Hardy looked to jump off a 20-foot ladder and onto his opponent. Cool ending, too.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I've been frequenting Smoothie King as of late. I noticed that they don't have any option with pineapple and strawberry. Almost every smoothie has one, but none have both. So on Monday, I made a smoothie with a banana, half a can of sliced pineapple and 11 strawberries.

My mom watches me put it all in the blender. Me: Time to add a little milk for flavoring.
Mom: We don't need no fucking milk.
(I didn't add any. My smoothie filled a 32 oz. cup to the brim. Tomorrow, I'm making one with banana, strawberry and milk. Whether mom likes it or not.)

I'm not sure what mom was talking about in the other room. "I can't get this fucking shit in the right place."

The air conditioner man finally came and added another duct in mom's bedroom. The crew leaves. "Three hundred and 10 fucking dollars." Mom checks their work behind them. They left some icky stuff on the floor and in the attic. "Fucking things all over the place."

There were also three random "fuck"s and a "This is fucked" on Monday.

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that GM went bankrupt? Did you know that Kobe is trying to win a title without Shaq and really wants to do it? Did you know that Lamar Odom has a sweet tooth? Did you know that New Orleans' murder rate is bad?

PARTING SHOT
During the Orton-Batista match, Orton is punching Batista down.

Me: Harder, Randy. Harder!
Paul: That's what she said.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five most memorable seat locations at a wrestling event.

5) Monday Nitro. December 1999.
My friend D.J. and I were in the 12th row but moved up to the 4th row when we noticed two empty seats. If you sat in the first four rows, you got to take your seat home. Cool, except we didn't have the tickets to prove it.

We got in the back of the line. I went first. When the person checking the tickets realized my ticket was for the 12th row, he told me I couldn't keep the chair. Well, I made a little scene about how that was unfair. He called his boss over to explain it.

During this altercation, D.J. snuck around with his chair and out to the corridor. Take that.

4) Sunday night.
The only time I've ever been on TV at one of these things. Look for me as the "Excited fan" when the DVD drops in two months.

3) November to Remember. 1998.
D.J. and I had tickets in the eighth row. The highlight of the night was a match between two people I can't remember. The referee, however, was Tammy Lynn Sytch, who wore a short skirt and a thong. Every time she went down to the mat to make a count, our section rose as one to check out the real action. If you know what I mean.

2) WrestleMania XXIV. 2008.
Sitting on the floor for WrestleMania was one of the biggest thrills of my life.

1) House show. 1998.
Paul and I were in the second level for a house show, which means it wasn't on TV. Halfway through, we noticed a security guard was not stationed at the stairs that led to the floor. We climbed down and then kind of stood near the guardrail next to the ring. Somehow, no one told us to move or go back to our seats.

At the time, The Rock was on the rise and already my favorite. He did this cool thing where he threw his elbow pad into the crowd during his match. We were in the section where he would throw it. We spread out when the moment came.

The elbow pad fell short of the crowd, hit the guardrail and fell on the mat right underneath the guardrail. The people in our section forgot about it and continued to watch the match. The elbow pad was in reaching distance, so I put my fingers through the guardrail.

Just before I can grab it, a WWF security worker sitting ringside steps on it.
Me: Can I have that elbow pad, please?
Dick: No. It's inside the ring area.
Me: But he threw it at the crowd.
Dick: Well, it's here now, and I'm not allowed to give it away.
Me: But he throws it in the crowd every night. The whole point is for a fan to get it. It's part of the fun.
Dick: Sorry.

He then put the elbow pad in his pocket and ignored me until I went away a few minutes later.