ME LIKE PIZZA

On Wednesday night, I met Bob and Laura at Theo's for some pizza. We decided on the Expert, minus the crumpled bacon. It had tomato, garlic, spinach and onion. I think that was it. 

I must get that again, except I will substitute the onion for mushroom. Laura says that she was glad the meal was good because her previous experience there wasn't positive. (How could that be? Seems impossible.) 

Me: That's because you didn't have the Expert. 

Bob: Yeah. She had the Novice. 

After another hour of conversation, I was off to Little Joe's to catch the rest of the Cubs-Astros game. I showed up just in time to see Big Z complete another dominant performance of Houston, meet Joe's grandmother and watch the Cubs blow a chance at a winning streak. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom put her new HDTV in her room in place of a mirror. We relocated the mirror to the top shelf of the garage after rearranging everything in there for 30 minutes. The process didn't go smoothly. "I'm going to fucking break my neck. ... Oh, fuck. This isn't working, Tina." 

I'm dumping the last few ounces out of the water bottle from last night in the sink. "Why are you doing that? It's fucking water." 

Mom looks at the older TV in the living room. "Takes three people to lift that motherfucker." 

We go to Best Buy. Mom wants to ask a worker some questions about the new TV.

Mom: Why are you coming?

Me: To get a wrestling DVD. 

Mom: With all that shit you already have? 

Me: I don't want to get it. I feel like I have to get it. 

Mom: I didn't want to buy a TV. But I said, 'Fuck it' and bought it. 

We pass the Coca-Cola plant on the way home from Best Buy. "That's a big fucking warehouse."

Mom has a complaint about the new TV. "It goes wide, but it doesn't take up the whole fucking screen. There's a little black on top and bottom. That's crap." 

I'm watching a rerun of Family Guy about Brian getting pot legalized. There's a song in the episode called a Bag of Weed. "You into that fucking bag of weed, huh?" 

We watch Slumdog Millionaire. "It won everything. Best director. All that bullshit." ... Mom is confused about a bad guy in the movie. She realizes her mistake. "Oh. I thought he was fucking the little kids." 

FOUR CORNERS

A closer look at The Gene Pool World. 

-- I signed up for online banking a few days ago. It only took me to June 2009. Now, if only I can figure out how it works. 

 

-- I changed my Netflix account to three discs. With all the extra free time I have, a third disc will help fill the void.  

-- I tried to go to Saints minicamp Saturday. Once I got a look at the bevy of people already in the stands and the three large groups of people walking in that direction, however, I turned around and went back home. Also, the parking lots at all the surrounding businesses were full. 

-- I finished a special project Wednesday afternoon. Yup, that's right. I have memorized (or close enough) the Who's on First? routine. Just call me Rain Man. I'm available to perform (that's both roles) at weddings and retirement ceremonies. 

PARTING SHOT

At work Tuesday, D was rolling through his stories. 

D: I'm in the zone here. 

Sandy: Yeah. The twilight zone. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five TV lead women characters. 

5) Samantha Newly. Samantha Who? 

She did get canceled after two seasons. Maybe she won't remember it. 

4) Clarissa Darling. Clarissa Explains it All. 

She never explained how she could do magic. 

3) Liz Lemon. 30 Rock. 

I like it when Tracy Morgan says her full name.   

2) Lucy Ricardo. I Love Lucy. 

Do you pop out at parties? 

1) Mary Richards. The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

She's got spunk. I, in fact, like spunk.