SUCK ON THIS, LAKER FANS

Kobe Bryant, whom a reader called Mr. Shit on a front page he mailed back to us the other day, and his Los Angeles teammates might have won the NBA title, but I'm here to tell you they won't repeat.

My theory is based on a pattern I recently noticed. I didn't see this mentioned in the media.

2006 champions: Miami Heat. 2007 season: Dwayne Wade dislocated left shoulder.
2007 champions: San Antonio Spurs. 2008 season: Manu Ginobili left ankle sprain.
2008 champions: Boston Celtics. 2009 season: Kevin Garnett knee.
2009 champions: Los Angeles Lakers. 2010 season: Insert Kobe or Pau Gasol injury.

Note: The next season (2008) Wade missed the end with a left knee problem, and Ginobili missed the playoffs the next season (2009) with an ankle injury.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My dad tells my mom that he ate a 32 oz. rib eye in Panama City last week. "That's fucking 2 pounds of meat."

Mom said the following three times Thursday: "It's so fucking hot out there."

Along those lines, mom comes home from a hair appointment. "Nothing like sweating your fucking ass off on the way home. Jesus Christ. Fucking dripping."

Mom thinks there has been a recent increase in lesbians. "Women getting tired of men's bullshit. More and more of 'em getting together."

SPORTS. HOW MAY I HELP YOU?
Here are some of the calls we've received in the past week.

1) Max answered the phone Friday night. Caller: "Can you tell me who won the Arkansas-Cal State game?"
Max: "The game is tomorrow."

2) On Saturday, Liam answered a call from a guy in Omaha, Neb., asking, "I'm here on my computer. I can't find the address to where LSU is playing. Is it near the airport?" Uh.

3) I got a question from a caller on Saturday night: "OK. Does anybody up there no anything about baseball?"
Me: I do.
Caller: Here's the situation. Men on second and third. Infield is drawn in. Batter hits the ball toward short, and the ball hits the guy running to third. Is that guy out?"
Me: Yes.
Caller: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. The runner is always out if the ball hits him after it comes off the bat.

4) After the shift Monday, the phone rings at 12:10 a.m. I answer it.
Caller: Yeah. I'm here in Detroit. Can you give me Michael Bourn's stats from this year?
Me: Uh, the guy who plays for the Astros?
Caller: Yeah, I need all his stats from this season.
(I didn't ask who he was or why he needed the info so as to avoid further conversation. I just read him the stats and hung up.)

The phone also rang at 1:55 a.m. I didn't answer that one.

PARTING SHOT
AGG tells me I made the same small mistake yet again.

Me: What the hell is wrong with me?
Brick: Marcus has been asking that for a long time.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five Genes.

5) Lieutenant Gene Hunt.
So, he's a fictitious character played by Harvey Keitel, and the show (Life on Mars) got canceled after one season. Whatever. Catchphrase: The nose knows.

4) Gene Atkins.
When I play as the Saints on Tecmo Super Bowl, I control him on defense. Plus, he also played for the Dolphins.

3) Gene Hackman.
Coached that little Indiana school to the most improbable of victories.

2) Gene Okerlund.
Mean, wooooooo! Gene. One of the best wrestling announcers of all the times.

1) Gene Wilder.
As if playing Willy Wonka wasn't enough, he was in Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles and See No Evil, Hear no Evil.