REVENGE OF THE NERDS.

After work Saturday night, I went to Sidelines in Metairie to meet Paul, Bert, Kelly and Matt, who was in town from Houston. Kelly's new teaching friends were also there.

One introduces herself to me.
Girl: You work at the T-P?
Me: Yes.
Girl: I know someone who works there.
Me: Who?
Girl: Derry.

I roll my eyes, throw my hands in the air, turn around and take a step toward the bar. In truth, I would have done this for anyone I actually heard of who works here. That scenario happens all the time, and I hardly ever know the person.

This girl Kristen, who is best friend's with Derry's wife, didn't take kindly to my actions and demanded an explanation for the next 30 minutes. She didn't believe that I wasn't serious and was just fooling around.

Don't Stop Believin' came on, and I felt a little giddy and did the worm on the bar floor. Sometimes, you just got to let loose. Besides getting a tad dirty, I ripped open some skin on my left knee, as pictured.

Kelly's friends, including a birthday girl, decided to leave and go to the Swamp Room because they were hungry. Bert, Paul and Kelly all went home, claiming being tired. Matt, who was hitting on one of the girls, didn't want to go alone with the five girls, so I put on the proverbial Wing Man T-shirt and tagged along.

Long story short, the Swamp Room was not fun. Matt and I bailed after 20 minutes. We did this because I used my eavesdropping superpower to catch this exchange between two of the girls.

One Matt was hitting on: "Kelly's friends are a bunch of nerds, huh?"
Other girl: "Yup."

Well, fuck you, too.

Matt and I then chatted in the parking lot for an hour. Halfway through our catching-up, one of the girls, Jennifer, leaves the bar and passes by us in the parking lot. She can't believe we are still there and then talks to us with her car running for 30 minutes.

In addition to hilariously messing with Jennifer, Matt brought up Paul's name because he knows Paul has been trying to hit on her. Matt says something encouraging about Paul.

Jennifer: "I'm sure he's a nice guy and all, but these lips (touches them) are not touching those. (Closes eyes and shakes head.) Eww." (A few minutes later, she asked: "Are you friends with Paul?")

I did not have the heart to repeat this to Paul.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom stormed out of the house today pissed off at me. "Jesus fucking Christ."

Mom returned an hour or so later with a new HDTV. That didn't shock me. It was only a matter of time. Of course, hooking it up isn't an easy process. Mom got confused twice at the beginning. "Oh, fuck me." "Bitch!"

She tells me the guy at Best Buy told her that some cord from Cox isn't "worth a fuck." That was followed by two "What the fuck"s. One for the channels loading on the TV and one for the picture not covering the full screen.

Then, concerning our TV and cable arrangement: "This house is so fucked. ... We in a fucked-up situation."

Mom asks me if I know where her missing knife is located. I say no. "Well, the other one couldn't have just fucking disappeared."

PARTING SHOT

Doug asks me if my golf swing is good.

Me: I swing it like a baseball bat.

Jelly: That's what Ted said.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My five favorite summer vacations.

5) Birmingham, Ala. 1991.

I went with a friend's family. Had a good time. Brought home a giant pencil.

4) Chicago. 2006.

Bert, Paul and I took a train. Don't ever take a train to Chicago. We ate pizza three times for lunch from three places. Each of us had a different favorite.

3) Orlando. 2002.

Paul, me and his parents for a week in the city that Walt built. We did it all while there. We even accidentally went to Gay Day.

2) Chicago. 2002.

My dad and I for a week in the Windy City. Saw three Cubs games and went to a museum.

1) Panama City. 1989-1999.

My parents and I every summer at the same hotel. Putt putt. Water park. Waffle House. Beach. Ah, memories. I remember the first few years Tina used to set up a bed in the back seat for me to sleep most of the drive. I better stop now before I tear up.