DEJA VU

I've always thought of myself as a rule-breaker. Not the important rules that could land me in jail or anything. But little rules that stick it to the man. I break 'em because I can. It's fun.

Part of it is stealing things, like a Brother Martin soccer ball. You're not supposed to take pictures in a casino, yet I've published two on this site. What they gonna do about it?

So, when I took my camera out at the movies the other day and Palace hotshot Paul told me that it was against the rules to take a picture inside the theatre, naturally I was going to snap a photo. What did Paul do about it? Nothing. He sat, err stood, there and took it.

Kelly uses a coupon to buy a small drink and small popcorn. She used a coupon and still paid $4.75. Yawzer. Correction. I paid for that.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom saw Fight Club for the first time. It was too intense for her. "Brad Pitt smacks Ed Norton, and then they start this club. What the fuck?"

Mom is not happy about the condition of her Sex and the City DVD. "My fucking thing is fucking ripping. Those things aren't worth shit."

Mom overheard a domestic dispute last night. "You should have heard the fighting going on last night next door. It was so fucking loud. Fuck was coming out like every other word. Actually, it started scaring me. I had to come inside." (I'm surprised she didn't join in.)

I tell mom we'll eat lunch after I work on the blog for a few minutes. "You're still doing that fucking blog? Is that all your life is?"

Mom looks over at me working on my computer. I have the earbuds and part of the chord wrapped around my ear lobe. "That's cute. You look like you have fucking earrings on."

I tell mom a little about work. "This country is so fucking messed up."

At 1:30 a.m., mom walks through the house. Before returning to bed, she notices I left the door unlocked. "Someone could come in here and rape me, and he wouldn't give a shit."

FOUR CORNERS

A closer look at The Gene Pool world.

-- I've almost killed two animals in the past week. First, I was going 30 mph last Friday when a dog sprinted into the street from its yard. I slammed my breaks (things went flying) so hard that they made a funny-not-supposed-to-be-hit-that-hard sound. The dog, which went right in front of my car, disappeared from my view because he was so close.

Fortunately, I saw the dog emerge unscathed and continue to the other side of the street. It's a good thing another car wasn't behind me.

The other time was Saturday on the way home from work. I think it was a cat. Or maybe a skunk. There's no way to know for sure. But it darted in front of my car as I hit the brakes (about half as hard as before). This one wasn't too close, but still. I think the third time will be the charm for me. Keep your fingers crossed.

-- I had a dream Monday night. No, not that kind of dream. An actual dream. My dad and I were going to some sort of sporting event in a neighborhood environment. We were parking, and the parking attendant who was waving us into our spot looked familiar. It was Jenny McCarthy.

I guess she was doing low-level jobs to raise money for autism. Yes, I took a picture of her for the blog.

-- I thought my iPod shuffle was broken because it stopped playing in the bathroom where it's hooked up to a radio. (I like to listen to music while showering.) I tell my mom the grave news. She looks at it. "The battery is fucking dead." Oops.

-- My dad and I went to Copeland's the other day because I had a coupon for a free appetizer. Of course, I forgot it on the table in my back room. Good move, ace.

PARTING SHOTS

JRap and I are in the cafeteria the other day, and he's deciding what to get to drink.

JRap: To tea or not to tea?

Me: Is that what you ask your wife when you want to go play golf?

Late at work the other day.

JRap: Bake, you ever go cow tippin?
Bake: Yeah. I usually give 15 percent.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five movie villains.

5) Hans Gruber. Die Hard. 1988.
After all, he did die hard.

4) Mola Ram. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. 1984.
Too bad he couldn't rip out an alligator's heart.

3) Capt. Dudley Smith. L.A. Confidential. 1997.
Never been more shocked at a bad guy being revealed.

2) Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street. 1984.
1-2 Freddy's coming for you. 3-4 Better lock your door. 5-6 Grab your crucifix. 7-8 Better stay up late. 9-10 Never sleep again.

1) Dr. Evil. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. 1999.
I'm the boss. Need the info.

GOTCHA AGAIN!

If you were wondering the reason DEJA VU wasn't explained in the opening item, I will tell you. Up until now, everything in this entry has appeared before in The Gene Pool (note the date in the photo up top). This is the DEJA VU edition.

It worked so well when Scrubs did it in Season 5, I thought I'd give it a shot. I came up with the idea when I did the April Fool's bit.

For symmetry sake, all the material comes from previous Wednesday efforts. Each Tina curse came from a different Wednesday, as well as each of the four corners and both parting shots.

In case you're feeling a little jilted, here is an original Tina curse. In general, she has trouble finding swimming attire that fits. "People have big boobs! There's implants. ... I don't know how they find fucking bathing suits."

OK, one more. Tina gives a diet update. "Almost been a year now. Lost 58 fucking pounds."