I had an oil change appointment Wednesday morning. I also needed a new tire (egg) and windshield wiper blades. Sadly for you, it didn't go horribly wrong. It didn't go smoothly, but then again, you can't expect perfection. Look at what we got:
7:47 a.m.: As I'm leaving for Volkswagen, Tina stopped me and looked me in the eyes: "Don't let them fuck you." I was inspired and determined.
8:11: I arrive for my 8 o'clock appointment.
8:12: Lady Volkswagen (the one who fucked me last time) is my service person. Lady Volkswagen: "You'll have to allow we an hour and a half, two hours. (Trust me. I'm expecting longer.) Usually, it's less (bullshit), but with the heat the way it is, I don't push these guys."
8:13: It's really freakin' nice that she has no recollection of me. Awesome. It's generally a good policy to completely forget the unsatisfied customers. I made it clear to her that I was staying and was at no point leaving. I emphasized this. She still didn't recognize me.
8:36: They pull my car around.
8:45: There are 16 chairs scattered about in the waiting room. I'm the only one there when a dude joins the party. Where does he sit? Yup, in one of the two seats next to me. He couldn't sit in one of the other 13 chairs? Ugh.
9:10: The battery on my portable DVD runs out. There goes that idea.
9:29: Lady Volkswagen calls me over. Could it be done already? It was too good to be true.
9:30: Lady Volkswagen informs me that I don't have the Road Hazard program that covers stuff that happens to tires. I had told her earlier that I did have it when she asked. Why not? She made a phone call to find out that I didn't. Oh well.
9:31: Lady Volkswagen: You'll need to give me a little longer to see if we can replace it.
Me: I paid to put it on last July 3. Now, it's messed up. (Then I gave her a head nod and a look.)
Lady Volkswagen: Well, I'll have to talk to the manager about that.
10:06: Tina calls. She didn't like my Road Hazard story. Tina: "The tire is less than a year old. It has an egg it it!" Thanks, ma. I didn't know that.
10:07: Lady Volkswagen: "I was able to get approval. So, we're going to go ahead and replace the tire. Just give us a minute."
10:21: The only way I would buy a product from Billy Mays is if it was one that mutes Billy Mays.
10:47: Told car is being washed. Pay for new wiper blades. Three of my four already-paid-for oil changes at VW have resulted in me paying $350 (and change) for other stuff.
10:51: I drive off. Just over 2 1/2 hours. I'll take it. Plus, I started mastering a new card trick.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom let more out about me dropping the cake Tuesday. "You want to clean this fucking mess? Jesus Christ. Fuck. You got this shit everywhere."
Mom can't believe the recent heat. "Did you know it was in the fucking hundreds yesterday? Jesus fucking Christ. There's just no fucking rain."
Mom sees dark clouds, but no rain comes of it. "All that bullshit and nothing."
Mom is watching a soap opera. She thinks a character got what he deserved. "He fucked himself."
CHAMP-ION-SHIP
Thoughts on LSU winning its sixth national baseball title. I didn't cry. ... Much.
1) My teams have won six championships in the 2000s. All college. Two hoops. Two baseball. Two football. I watched three at work and three at home.
2) My teams are now 11-0 in championship games. It seems that the Cubs just need to get to the World Series. Stop laughing.
3) LSU is in first place in the race for school of the 2000s. Florida and LSU both have four titles, but the Tigers have more SEC championships. So there.
4) Nice lineup changes by Mainieri. Definitely liked moving Gibbs down and MVP Mitchell up. Ochinko certainly came through. Mainieri was also perfect with his pitching changes.
5) I was mad that the Tigers scored the last two runs. I had predicted either a 9-3 or 5-4 victory, and when it was 9-4, I was right on a combination.
6) You could write a small book with ESPN's announcing mistakes Wednesday. Too many to remember. Here's one. At the start of the bottom of the sixth with LSU leading 9-4, Mike Patrick: "They (LSU) need about nine outs." About nine. 12. Same difference.
PARTING SHOT
7) A little while after the game, I went to the convenient store around the corner for some water. A family of three (20-year-old daughter) runs the store. They are all there.
Lady in front of me in line: Did ya'll here about the game?
Dad (working the counter): Uh, nope.
Lady: They won! The Tigers won the national title!
Dad: Oh.
(Lady leaves the store.)
Dad (to family): What game was she talking about?
Wife: I have no idea.
Daughter: I think that's why we sold all those pizzas earlier. I guess LSU is the Tigers? I don't know.
Wife: Whatever.
I waited until I got outside before letting out a big whistle.
THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five popular TV shows that I gave a try and didn't like.
5) Entourage.
It can't all be about getting laid.
4) Big Bang Theory.
The nerds didn't make me laugh enough. The girl isn't hot enough.
3) Sex and the City.
Meanwhile, one of my friends had sex with some random dude. We'll discuss it at lunch.
2) Weeds.
Too dark.
1) Sopranos.
Bunch of fat dudes sitting around yappin'. Yawn.
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