WE GOT THIS NEXT YEAR, YO

I didn't go to the Fox & Hound to watch the noon games Sundays because a) I wasn't that interested in the other games, b) my favorite waitress is on vacation and c) I had too much food left to eat.

I wanted to beat the Panthers because a) I hate them, b) I wanted the Falcons to win the division to keep the last-to-first streak going in our division, especially since we're last this season and c) I wanted everything to fall into place for my so-called crazy scenario where the Saints make the playoffs from all those weeks ago, not counting the Chicago game.

I wanted to be able to say: See, everything did happen. And if we would have won that coin toss, we would be going to the playoffs. Well, everyone else that we needed to lose did (Cowboys, Bucs), so now it's: We needed a coin toss and a missed field goal to make the playoffs. I'm telling you, we were this close.

Saints notes

1) The Saints undefeated record when I watch alone.
The undefeated NFC South home record.
The Saints finishing over .500
My afternoon.

And we open the envelope. (Reading.) What are things that were ruined by Sunday's Saints loss?

2) Saints record against teams under .500: 5-0.
Saints record against teams over . 500: 2-6.
(The Chargers, Broncos and Redskins all ended up 8-8.)

The Saints played eight games that were up for grabs at the end. Their record: 2-6. If they win half of those 50-50 games, they make the playoffs. Ugh.

3) I was experiencing technical difficulties cheering Sunday during the fourth-quarter comeback. I was cheering for the Saints to win and Brees not to break Dan's record. After the first touchdown in the fourth, I realized that one might not be possible without the other, much like love and marriage. Meet my new hero: Panthers punter Sam Baker for that shanked kick out of bounds. What a guy.

I'd also like to give thanks to Lance Moore for not looking up in time for the 20-yard record breaking pass on the final play and all the dropped passes the Saints accumulated over the course of the season. Bless you, boys.

I was happy that Drew moved into second place on the all-time list and hit 5,000 yards. I think he could do it again next year. Especially if he can have drives where he throws for 101 yards more often.

4) At least this team never quit. They had a lot of fight in them all year. One problem with so many good comebacks, though, is that you had to fall into a hole to come back from. Let's eliminate those before next season. K?

There's hope for the future: Brees (lookout record books), Moore (heck of a second option), Thomas (proved his worth as main back), Colston (what a nice final three games), Meachem (defensive backs have trouble tackling him. I like that.), Tracy Porter and Sedrick Ellis (two defensive spots we don't have to worry about).

5) I love pools. And not just The Gene Pool. Swimming pools. Betting pools. Yeah, I love betting pools. Love to start them. Love to participate in them. I made one Saturday night for Brees on Sunday. I got everyone to put up a buck and guess how many passes Brees would attempt against the Panthers.

We had answers ranging from 42 to 70. I had 58. The winner was Sandy, who hit 49 right on the head. Jelly also completed her utter dominance of the T-P NFL desk pool picks on Sunday. She won by so much she didn't even need to pick the Week 17 games. (Just wait till next year.) Let's let the women gloat for a second.

Sandy (accepting the money): Proving that the women in this department (makes hand motion)
Jelly: It's a clean sweep.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is watching Nip/Tuck on DVD while I'm watching the Saints game. "That's what I need. A fucking facelift. ... See, it takes away all your fucking wrinkles."

Mom recognizes a guest star. "Look, she's talking with a fucking accent."

Then, later while still watching the show. "He's dickless. He has no penis."

Mom talks to me as I'm eating lunch. "You see the fucking price of Nip/Tuck coming out Tuesday? Motherfuck. Fucking $38."

I try to explain to mom that I can stay organized. "Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit."

Mom is watching some VH1 year-in-review show. "They make fucking shows out of other fucking shows. Then, they make another show after that fucking show. It all started with fucking Flavor Flav. It kills me."

NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT

I noticed when I got home Saturday night that I was running low on gas. I didn't want to fill up on the way into work Sunday because I didn't want to miss any of the Dolphins-Jets game. So, I decided to drive to the gas station (2 miles away) during halftime of the Saints game. Good idea, I told myself.

I drive the 2 miles, but when I exit the car to start pumping, I realize I don't have my wallet. Bad idea, I told myself. I return home. Mom observes me leaving again as the second half is about to start. I tell her I forgot my wallet and am now going to get the gas. "You tried to save time, but instead you fucked up time."

PARTING SHOTS
Liam got a Cubs tie for Christmas. He shows it off to his friend, who is a Brewers fan.

Liam's friend: "Now, you have something to hang yourself from the fan with after they choke again next year."

Sandy see that Gamby's story is in.

Sandy (to Jelly): Are you doing Gamby?
Jelly: No. On so many different levels.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five reasons the Saints didn't make the playoffs (you know, besides not scoring more points than their opponents often enough)

5) Field-goal making.
Gramatica missed possible game-winners against Denver and Minnesota. If we have Hartley there the whole season, we might have finished 10-6.

4) No pass rush.
We spent a lot of money on Smith and Grant. Did they wreak havoc in the backfield? Um, no. Maybe if the QB was under more pressure more often, then the secondary wouldn't have been burned so bad.

3) Turnover battle.
The Saints consistently lost this, and early turnovers often put them in a deep hole from which they had several comebacks fall short. This was a result of a) some unfortunate plays (see Moore's bobbled interception vs. Minnesota), b) one bad call (see Red Meat's fumble vs. Minnesota), c) carelessness with the ball, d) lack of a pass rush and not forcing the QB into turnovers and e) A not-so-good secondary.

2) Short-yardage rushing.
How many times were the Saints not able to convert third-and-1 this year? Don't look at me. I lost count. Blunders against Washington and Denver stand out the most.

1) Giving up deep pass plays late.
This cost us three games: Minnesota, Chicago and home vs. Carolina. The first two from pass interference penalties and the third from a jump ball with Steve Smith and two Saints defenders. I believe that if we had one really solid safety, we would have won all three of these games. That's 11-5, folks.

WANTED: One solid safety in New Orleans. Headhunting skills required. Must love red beans and rice.