LET'S GO BOTH TEAMS. 

The Rockets were in town Friday night to take on the Hornets. Houston has been my favorite team since I started watching basketball. With the Hornets in Nawlins, I have two favorite teams. One isn't above the other. Which always causes a dilemma when they collide. 

In the past, it hasn't been a very pleasant experience for the person going to these games with me. Just ask Gillie. So, I decided to go solo Friday night. Add sporting event to the list of things I don't mind doing by myself. 

It's not like I didn't know anybody. I talked to seven people I knew, including someone I went to high school with sitting in the seat right in front of me, and saw three others from a distance. I also talked to former T-P employee Freddy, Bob's friend Laura, the person who handles my tickets and my neighbor.

I got to Buzzfest at 6 p.m. after picking up my ticket at will call where the person working behind the counter was slightly confused. I hand her my ID for her to retrieve my ticket. 

Worker: You order the ticket through Ticketmaster?

Me: No. Through the Hornets. 

Worker: Oh. But did you get them through ticketmaster.com?

Me: No. I ordered the ticket through a Hornets office worker. (It's like she wanted me to pay the ridiculous fees.) 

The band was Bottoms Up. Never heard of them. But they played three songs from the 80s in a row that I liked when I first got there. I sat down in a seat and took in the show. They were OK. I was fixin' to leave when. ...

The Used-to-Bees showed up. I was back in. Those old ladies know how to get down and are much more entertaining than the Honeybees. I can see pretty girls in next-to-nothing clothing any day of the week. But old ladies dancing to "Brickhouse" and "Play that funky music?" No, I can't see that any time I want. 

You know my Hornets-aren't-bees-they're-wasps campaign? What would we change the name of this group to? Used-to-Wasps doesn't have a very good ring to it. How about Old-time Wasps? Way-Back-When Wasps? 

Because I was attending by myself, I bought a ticket in the lower bowl. I hadn't sat this close to the court since the Hornets' first season here when I used to sneak down to the fifth row at center court. (Security was awful back then. I've also spent time on the catwalk in the N.O. Arena. Remind me to tell you about that sometime.) 

Blake, the Hornets rep that handles my tickets, told me when I bought the ticket at 3 p.m. Friday that I got the last available ticket in the lower bowl. That was close. Section 118. End seat in row 11. 

I'm taking pictures of the Rockets warming up from the third row of Section 118 when I feel a hand shove into my shoulder. It was D. He sits in the end seat of row 1 (really row 2) in 118. I park it in row 3 and talk to D all the way until tipoff when the people sitting in row 3 finally showed up. I went back down there at halftime to chat with D and Marcus. 

The dynamic, never-out-of-the-first-round duo stare blankly as the rest of their teammates finish warmups. T-Mac sat on some kind of special chair whenever he was on the bench. This is one of my favorite pictures I've taken. They didn't talk to each other. They didn't look at each other. They seemed to be visualizing the game. 

Yao said a prayer right after this photo. I can read Chinese lips: "Please let Tracy no get hurt tonight. Please let his knee stay attached. Help me make fadeaway and hook shot. Please make Gene cheer for us. I know he's undecided. But we need him tonight. And as usual to end it, please no let us lose in first round again. I don't want to see Tracy cry like little girl." 

My section was behind the goal, and that means these retarded things get passed out for fans to wave at the other team shooting free throws, so they can pretend like they're participating. We all know this does absolutely nothing to the shooter. They could give a shit. I thought about taking one and waving it at the Hornets. Just for funsies. 

Game notes.

1) Who did I cheer for? I cheered for both teams. I wore my Tyson Chandler jersey shirt and Rockets headband. I cheered for every shot to go in. Except when Money Brown shot. As soon as he lined one up, I began cheering for a Rockets rebound. (Does anyone still think this guy is worth a damn? You know, besides Byron Scott.) 

I keep using the word cheer. I didn't do any of this cheering out loud. I was completely silent the whole game. Like I was sitting in the press box and not showing favoritism. 

2) The guy behind me was aggravating the shit out of me. He was a moron. You could tell he had no clue what was going on. He did see that I was undecided on who to cheer for and tried to convince me that the Hornets were the better choice. Thanks, guy.

3) I watched the game completely objectively. I saw a lot of bad calls both ways, but the Rockets received about three more bad calls in their favor. The fans in my section did plenty of bitching (I can say that in the blog, right Marcus?) at the bad calls against the Wasps. Ironically, they didn't complain about the bad calls that went against the Rockets. Homers. 

4) Both teams were struggling coming in. Both teams struggled Friday. The Hornets won because they struggled less. Here's who had a good game: CP3 (mostly), West (first half), Butler, Tyson, Yao, Aaron Brooks, Carl Landry. Everyone else sucked.

5) I wore my Tyson shirt because there's been a lot of talk about him regressing this season. He has been off, and I'm not quite sure of the reason. Unbeknownst to me, Friday night was vote for Tyson night at the Arena. Workers had Tyson jerseys on, and he was on the cover of the program. I'm psychic. 

And Chandler delivered, too. Reminded me of last year. He was the best player on the court. He made Yao take tough shots. He fought for the ball. He got a couple of putbacks. He got the offensive rebound that sealed the victory.  

6) I left the Arena a winner. Always a good feeling. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I'm watching Trading Places. My mom watches some of the beginning. "Fucking rich people fucking think they own everyone. It's just for fun for them. They're so fucking rich they have nothing better to do than fuck with these two guys." (Shouldn't that be the tagline?) Then, when the amount of the bet is revealed. "A fucking dollar."

Mom gets the mail. "I wish these fucking credit card people would leave me the fuck alone."

My phone makes the beeping noise that indicates the battery is dying. "Plug in that fucking phone!" I don't. It beeps a few minutes later. "Are you going to plug that fucking thing in?" I didn't. Then, later I can't find the phone. "It probably died. I told you to fucking plug in the motherfucker."

PARTING SHOTS

The Tulane men's basketball team lost to Binghamton 74-73.

Liam: How do you lose to Binghamton?

Jelly (reading from Lopes' story): A non-call and a shot-clock issue.

Bake (at the same time as Jelly, referring to Binghamton): They're loaded.

Liam (to Jelly): No. That's no excuse.

Derry (referring to Tulane): Yes it is. They were loaded.

Bake: Ah. A little too much holiday cheer.

I'm looking at the notable sports deaths of 2008.

Me: Who is Herb Score?

Brick: I think he was a pitcher. (He was.)

Me: It'd be cool if he invented the scoring system or something.

Derry: Or started the radio station the Score.

Bake: Maybe he scored some herb.

Jelly tries to explain to me why she wouldn't want me in her family.

Jelly: Gene, I adore you , but in a uh

Marcus (finishing her thought): in a wet cat kind of way. As in you don't want him in the house.

We're discussing Tina's theory that a man shouldn't get married before 30 because he's not done fucking around.

Liam: Or in Gene's case, if he hasn't started.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five fast food slogans

5) Have it your way, right away, at Burger King now.

I used to go to the Burger King up the street once a week, and that commercial was airing at the time. I quickly learned that you don't get it your way at Burger King. And that BK has now been boarded up for years. I suspect it is the center of the Harahan drug underworld.

4) Yo quiero Taco Bell.

I really liked this campaign. Would be higher if I liked Mexican food.

3) Better ingredients. Better pizza. Papa John's.

So true. So true.

2) Love that chicken. Popeye's.

Hard to grow up around here and not have that in your Top 5. Right, Lopes?

1) Do you believe in magic? McDonald's.

And I hope you do. You'll always have a friend wearing big red shoes. Do you believe in magic?

And they say clowns are creepy.