THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

Walt Philbin, who covered crime for 35 years for the T-P, retired this week. Besides being the best crime reporter we had, Philbin was also the building's greatest character. And the nicest guy I've ever met here. 

From the stories that have flown around here in the past few days, you'd think we were talking about a movie character. Not a man who wrote about murder for a living. I was there for one of the stories. The time he brought a dead rattlesnake (evidence in a case) into the newsroom. As Angus said in his excellent piece on Walt's retirement: Nobody even blinked. 

When I got on the escalator at work Thursday afternoon, Walt was one step ahead of me. He was in full suit and wearing his fedora, of course. I knew it was retirement speech time. 

Me: Ah, Walt. It's going-away day, isn't it?

Walt: Yes it is, Gene.

Me: You got a big speech planned?

Walt: Oh, no, no, no. I didn't even want to do it. But Brendan made me. (Yes. Brendan had to pick him up and make him come to the retirement party. Walt's too modest for these things. Brendan: "Yeah. I picked him up. There he was on his porch, sitting there. Drinking.") 

So, as it was, I was the last person to ever ride up the T-P escalator with the great Walt Philbin. 

They have these little retirement dealies every time someone retires. Which around here is about once a week. Usually, there's a laugh or two and a long speech. Nobody really wants to be there. Well, except to eat the cake at the end. 

But with Walt, the mood was different. People wanted to be there. People enjoyed being there. There were about 50 laughs. And if it wasn't for the six people that just had to say something (and in some cases, many somethings) about Walt before he spoke, the atmosphere would have been perfect. 

After the festivities were over and people returned to their desk (cake in hand), Walt made the rounds around the building. Before you could say, "Congratulations, Walt. We're sure going to miss you around these parts," Walt was saying to you, "Thank you." Once again, that's just Walt. 

He stopped in sports, and just before banging his head against the wooden thingy under the TV, he thanked us as a department. "You know, I really wanted to thank you guys over here. Even though ya'll are working hard at night, ya'll always find time to have fun and joke around. It always brightened my spirits to hear ya'll laughing and teasing each other. It brought me joy." 

Oh, I almost forgot. Walt's speech was legendary. As with all great speeches, it didn't drag. In fact, he gave himself only five minutes to talk. Of course, he wasted thirty seconds trying to figure out how to set his watch. When he got going, though, you pretty much couldn't stop laughing. 

I won't even try to quote Walt. I'm not sure you could quote that speech. It was quick hitting. It was wild. It had multiple tangents. I loved every minute of it. I wish (upon a star) that I would have recorded the whole thing. I'm such a dope. I did get the last minute. 

Here Walt gives us our marching orders for the future. Cover your ears, David Gladow. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Mom and I are talking about how difficult it is to buy a house right now. "Jonathan did it next door. He must be making some decent fucking money."

I tell mom how I can't avoid this digital transition non-sense. "You'd have to be living under a fucking rock to be unaware of it."

Mom gets her dental bill from the insurance company. She went over the limit for 2008. "If they (the dentist office) just would have waited till the fucking New Year to send in this last bill, ..." 

Mom is telling me about her hairdresser's situation with her daughter. She bought her daughter a $40,000 car, but "the little brat" doesn't like it. "Fucking people are crazy. I would never buy a 16-year-old a $40,000 car. Ain't no way."

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

Sign up for Netflix. Like right now. Minimize this screen and come back to it later. I won't be mad. Netflix is calling your name. Answer it. Hurry. 

Derry signed up for Netflix this week and was telling the office how awesome it is. Liam has been down with it for more than two years. As I listened to the concept, I realized I needed to be on this bandwagon. And now I am. I signed up Friday night. So did Brick. 

You can watch new movies. Old movies. TV shows. Sports stuff. Kids stuff. Basically, anything that exists on DVD, you can watch through Netflix. All you do is tell them what you want, they send it to you, you watch it, you send it back, they send you the next thing on your list. 

I signed up for the two-at-a-time package for $13.99. The system, I'm told, is quick. Essentially, it makes movie stations and rental stores obsolete. Don't need 'em anymore. I'm assuming I can watch 8-10 movies a week. That would cost way more than $14 at the rental store. Anything you wanted to watch on HBO, Showtime, etc., you can just order on Netflix. (Save boxing, sports stuff, soft porn, etc., but it ain't worth the monthly bill just for those things.) 

I've already put eight things on my list. I'm going to watch TV shows I've always wanted to watch but couldn't. I'm starting with Spin City. 

At first, I was drawn to the idea as a gift for Tina. But then I realized this bad boy is going to change my life. You can even watch a good number of things online (I took a look Friday night at the first episode of the British version of The Office). Besides, mom isn't sold on it yet.

Me (on the phone): Is there a movie out on DVD that you want to see?

Mom: I can't think of any right now. Why?

Me: I just signed us up for Netflix. Merry Christmas.

Mom: You did what?

Me: Signed us up for Netflix. It's going to be awesome.

Mom: Why did you go and do that? That's a monthly thing, you know.

Me: Yes. But ... 

Mom: We'll talk about this later. (Click.)

PARTING SHOT

Marcus calls an occasional writer to tell him to send us his story.

Marcus: "You're really starting to piss me off now. Send that shit right fucking now."

(It felt weird hearing him yell like that at someone else.)

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five automobile slogans.

5) Like nothing else. Hummer. 

Uh-huh.

4) Drivers wanted. Volkswagen.

I'm contractually obligated to put my car's company on this list. 

3) Have you driven a Ford lately? Ford.

Whenever somebody tells me they drive a Ford car, I ask them this out of habit. Heck, whenever somebody says Ford at all, I ask this question.

2) I love what you do for me, Toyota! Toyota.

Catchy jingle. I still can hear the commercial. 

1) This is our our truck. Chevy. 

Accompanied in the commercials with John Mellencamp's This is Our Country. Haven't seen this ad in a while. So, does that mean it isn't our country anymore?