I THINK I STEP ON FORTUNE COOKIE.

I've been having a craving for Chinese food all week, so I stopped by Oriental Triangle on my way to work today. You might think it weird to eat at a restaurant alone, but it don't be bothering me. Not one iota.

I walk into the restaurant.

Our usual waitress: Just one?
Me: Yup.
Waitress: Where your mama?
Me: Already ate.

I ordered hot and sour soup, a fried shrimp appetizer and mongolian beef. That really hit the spot, and I had enough left over for dinner. You always do with Chinese.

I did feel a tad lonely during the meal. A few times I glanced over to the unoccupied other side of the booth and pretended like someone was there. Possibly a girlfriend. Eh, that lasted about a minute. But after I ate my fortune cookie, I read this fortune: Someone is interested in you. Keep your eyes open.

Let's see what kind of power these slips of paper have.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is flipping through the January 2009 issue of Playboy. It is a celebration of the magazine's 55th anniversary. Mom looks at some of the pics of ladies of the past. "That Raquel Welch had some fucking legs."

Mom looks through the Playmate review from 2008. "January has some sexy fucking eyes."

Carmen Electra is on the front cover. "But I didn't recognize her in the pictures. I was like, 'Who the fuck is this?' "

Mom is upset with Playboy about one thing. "They need to do better with hiding the fucking bunny (on the front cover). It's too easy to find."

MORON CALLER OF THE WEEK

At the end of the shift Friday night, we get a call from a Saints fan. I take it. I was pissed when the convo ended because the caller asks me a question, but in the middle of my answer, he ends the discussion and hangs up. The idiot called me. Then, he doesn't want to hear the full explanation. I guess I'm just too informative.

Caller: Yeah. Why do the Saints have to go to Chicago at the end of every season?
Me: Well, the Bears were here, albeit at Tiger Stadium, in 2005.
Caller: But what about the last three years?
Me: In 2006, it was the playoffs, and they had home-field advantage. In 2007, they only played because they finished in the same place in their division in 2006. So, it was like 50-50 as to who got the home game. And the Saints lost. This year, ...
Caller (cutting me off): OK. So, if Atlanta loses on Sunday, the Saints go to the playoffs?
Me: Um, no.

HEISMAN CONVERSATION

When Sam Bradford won the Heisman on Saturday (Lopes points out that he became the second consecutive Heisman winner to accept the trophy wearing a cast), Tim Tebow shook his hand and patted him on the back. What the cameras didn't pick up was what Tebow whispered into Bradford's ear.

Luckily for you, I can read lips with the best of them. Tebow (to Bradford): "You won today, kid. Treasure the memory. Because in January, we're going to beat your ass to a bloody pulp for the title. I ain't kidding."

PARTING SHOTS
D reads the comment Mike McKenzie made about him.

D: Hey, buddy. I spill so much so you can have a job. ... Damn. I do spill a lot, though.

Brick asks Liam to do a chart on Auburn's new coach, Gene Chizik.

Liam: Who is that?
Lopes: Well, his name is Gene. So, he's probably an asshole.
Me: That wasn't nice.
Brick: Liam, he was 5-19 at Iowa State.
Liam: They never should have let (Will) Muschamp go. Wasn't he over there (at Auburn) before he went to Texas to be OC?
Me: No, no. The OC is on the West Coast.
Liam (to Lopes): I see what you mean.

D reads that Lopes is tutoring kids in math. (D always refers to newer T-P employees as recent draft choices.)

D: All the new draft choices can do math?
Me: Brick is new?
D: Brick is an aberration.
Marcus: So, he from Australia?

D must be reading my fortune cookies ahead of time. Marcus is not.

D: Gene's going to land a bombshell.
Marcus: If he joins the Army.

We're bouncing around headline ideas for Belle Chasse winning its first state football championship.

Anne: How bout BELLES OF THE BALL?
Several people: That would work if they weren't dudes.
Jelly: Don't worry, Anne. I wanted to make them chicks, too.
Bake: How about BELLES WITH BALLS?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five foods I get cravings for after not eating them for a while. (These aren't necessarily my favorite foods because I eat most of my top foods on a regular basis.)

5) Pancakes.
Knocked out that craving Thursday morning. I like mine with bananas.

4) Bud's.
This is the reason I went there at 2 a.m. about a week ago.

3) Pizza.
I'm starting to feel this one. I haven't had a good pizza in some time.

2) Chinese.
Took care of it Saturday. Should hold off the need for about two weeks.

1) Fried chicken.
I used to eat this on a regular basis, but since mom went on a diet, we haven't gone to Louisiana Purchase at all. I haven't had fried chicken since the Green Bay game. Though I did eat eight pieces that night.