HOPEFULLY, SANTA IS HUNGRY.

Back when I was a young lad, Tina hosted Christmas at our house on Christmas Eve every year for both sides of the family. She went all out. Some type of main dish I'm forgetting, shrimp mole (always the biggest hit), a shitload of meatballs, finger sandwiches (easy, Kaila), lots of little snacks and a red velvet cake.

Just because she doesn't throw a Christmas party anymore or even have a Christmas tree for the 112 presents we used to exchange at those parties, don't think Tina doesn't get in the cooking mood anymore for Christmas. On the contrary, my friends.

1) On Saturday, Tina cooked a rack of ribs. I finished it off Tuesday night.

2) On Monday, Tina rolled 96 meatballs and made spaghetti and meat sauce. I'll be eating that for the rest of the week.

3) On Tuesday, she woke me up at 8:45 a.m. She didn't feel well. So, I went down to Bobby's to pick up the necessities for that day's cooking: Four pounds of shrimp, one pound of lump crabmeat and 10 pieces of catfish. You guessed it. Tina made her famous shrimp and corn soup again. Yummy, mummy. I was half-awake when I bought the stuff and went straight back to bed when I got home.

When I woke up, there was the soup. And a chocolate cake. I'll be eating both of those for a while as well.

4) On Wednesday, Tina fixed breaded porkchops for me while she began eating the catfish.

To review, we have a nearly full thing of spaghetti and about 75 meatballs, a huge container of shrimp and corn soup (probably 10-15 bowls), 3/4 of a chocolate cake, six pieces of breaded porkchops and five pieces of catfish left to go. I might be putting on a little extra holiday weight.

Merry Christmas to all. And to all a good meal. I mean night.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is doing the crossword puzzle in the kitchen. I'm in the living room watching TV. Twice within an hour, she yells: "What the fuck is that?"

Mom and I are watching Million Dollar Password. Or as I call it: $100,000 Password. (If you don't know how it's played, here's a quickie: One person tries to get the other person to guess the word, or password. But the person giving the clue can only say one word at a time. After each clue, the other person must guess before the next clue is given.)

The password is Supremes. After a few clues, the person receiving is trying to guess: "Oh. I got it. It's a musical group. They were sisters. Um. Um."
Mom: The Supremes weren't sisters, asshole.
Person guessing: The Pointers. (And time expires.)
Mom: What a dick.

Note: The person guessing here is the host of the Amazing Race. The password is vanilla. Here's the exchange.
Clue giver: Chocolate (pronounced to make the guesser infer the opposite, a common technique on the show).
Clue guesser: Moose.
Clue giver: Opposite.
Clue guesser: Shake.
Clue giver: Chocolate (again pronounced to infer the opposite).
Clue guesser: Cookies.

Mom and I laughed hard at this one. We watched it two more times. Later, I approach mom in the kitchen.

Me: Mom, what is the opposite of chocolate?
Mom: Fucking vanilla. ... What an idiot. Everyone knows there's three main flavors of ice cream. Chocolate, strawberry and fucking vanilla.

FOUR CORNERS
A closer look at The Gene Pool world

-- I love the weather down here in Nawlins. On Dec. 11, it snowed. On Dec. 20, I came in to work with shorts and sandals on. On Dec. 22, mom said "it's fucking freezing." On Dec. 24, I was at work again in shorts. I doubt too many other places in this here country have people running their ACs right now.

-- Thanks to the good ol' Atlanta Falcons (did I just say that?), I won my bet with Lopes that both NFC wild-card teams would not come from the East. Next stop: Hooters. If the Bucs get the other wild card spot instead of the Eagles or Cowboys, I should win like double the bet. What's the double equivalent of Hooters?

-- I've listened to the new Fall Out Boy CD a few times now. It's growing on me, but it is nowhere near their last album. And it's certainly not enough to jump them back ahead of 3 Doors Down for that coveted No. 1 spot on my band list. My favorite song is the first track, which is about their handling of celebrity: "Hey editor, I'm undeniable; hey doctor, I'm certifiable. ... What a match: I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet."

-- Bold prediction time: Drew Brees (4,683 yards) will pass Dan Marino for passing yards in a season this Sunday. I'm certain of this now. And I'm glad for Drew. Good for him. It will be a special moment, indeed. Oh, I might have forgotten to mention this: I'm talking about Dan's 1986 season in which he threw for 4,746 yards, good for fifth all-time.

Lost in all this record talk about Brees is the fact that even if he doesn't catch Dan's 1984 season (5,084 yards), he almost certainly will end up No. 2 on the all-time list, which is currently Warner's 2001 season (4,830).

But for the joke's sake, can't you just hear it now when Drew hits 64 yards passing Sunday? "He did it! He did it! He passed Dan Marino! Oh baby!"

PARTING SHOTS
Bake hands me a proof for me to check something on before giving it to Beth to make the corrections. An hour later, Bake comes by my desk to discover I haven't given it to Beth yet.

Bake: You haven't looked at this yet?
Me: Oh crap.
Bake: What are you waiting for? Christmas?

I send Brick a headline with Deuce's name spelled Decue.

Brick: Who is Decue (pronounced DQ)?
Me: Uh. Somebody the crowd cheers for at the Superdome?
Liam: You know who his sponsor is?
Me: Dairy Queen.
Liam: That's right. They call him The Blizzard.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five TV Christmas episodes. Perhaps I shall watch these on Christmas.

5) How Lily Stole Christmas. How I Met Your Mother. Season 2.
When Lily discovers that Ted called her a grinch (actually, he calls her the "c" word, but they use grinch for the show's sake) on an old phone message, Lily takes all the Christmas decorations out of the apartment to punish him. They make up in a touching scene (there's beer involved, as usual) after Lily finds out that Ted gave Marshall the best Christmas present idea ever for her.

4) The One With the Girl from Poughkeepsie. Friends. Season 4.
Features a charming song by Phoebe: "Monica, Monica have a happy Hanukkah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy."

3) A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas. Family Guy. Season 3.
Stewie plays the baby Jesus. The house burns down. Two Star Wars references. Lois goes completely nuts after getting fed up with Christmas and runs through town. She enters a black and white screen and pushes a guy yelling "I want to live!" off a bridge to his death. And Kiss is in it.

2) Christmas Party. The Office. Season 2.
Secret Santa goes horribly awry. Creed gets Jim a sweater that doesn't fit. The iPod gets passed around like a salt shaker. Meredith flashes Michael after having too much Vodka. Then, you cry when Jim gets Pam the most sentimental Christmas gift in the history of the world.

1) My Own Personal Jesus. Scrubs. Season 3.
Turk loses his faith after spending the night watching people die. He even refuses to go to Church. Until the hospital gets word of a 911 call about a pregnant teenager but with no location. Turk starts running toward the park, finds the girl under a Christmas tree and delivers the baby. A Christmas miracle, and Turk's faith is restored.