AT LEAST I DIDN'T SPEND A DIME.

At the real T-P Christmas party (not the one I went to), my dad won tickets to the Lakers-Hornets game. Yeah. That's right. At the real T-P Christmas party, they give away shit. Section 321. Sure, it's kind of behind the goal, and it was hard to tell if all those Lakers shots were really going through the net in the first half. But it was the first row. You can really tell the difference between the 11th row and the 1st row in the 300 section. Big-time.

Hornets record when I see a game with my 10-game package: 3-0.
Hornets record when I see a game without my 10-game package: 1-2.

Bobby Jindal addressed the crowd before the game. Oh boy, I thought. He might talk through halftime. Apparently, somebody with the Hornets put him on a clock because he only dragged on for about two minutes. Crisis avoided.

It seems that every time the Wasps play the Lakers, they fall way behind and attempt this incredible comeback. The rally Tuesday wasn't as big as the previous two times (from 32 to 4 - i think - and 16 to 3), but the pace of the game went the same. Close in the first quarter. Blowout in the second. Steady lead in third. Comeback in fourth.

The treatment Kobe gets is freaking ridiculous. We all know he gets these "superstar" calls. But some of the shit I saw Tuesday night. Man, the league should be downright embarrassed about.

This one time, Kobe made a nice move and tried a reverse dunk. The two Hornets defenders near him moved out of the way after realizing they couldn't stop the Black Mamba. Kobe then misses the dunk and falls flat on his ass (like the bitch he is). The official standing under the goal observes the situation, pauses for a second and then whistles for a foul. The crowd went nuts booing. I didn't bat an eye. I expect that crap.

This might be off topic, but fuck Kobe. I hate his little pompous attitude. I hate the fact he cheated on his wife and possibly raped a girl. I hate his selfishness. I hate how he tried to cast off Bynum and then did a 180, really on his entire supporting cast. I hate how the media decided collectively to pretend that he isn't an asshole and to treat him like some kind of saint. He might be one of the 10 best players ever, but fuck him. Fuck him.

Tuesday night was the first time I can remember not having fun at a Hornets game. I've been to plenty of losses, but I've never regretted going to the game until Tuesday. 1) They lost. 2) To the Lakers. 3) I knew the game was over in the second quarter. I didn't feel a rally. 4) There were no pretty girls in my section. 5) My dad embarrassed me.

You see, pops is a Celtics fan. You know who Celtics fans hate? The Lakers. But was his yelling directed at the Lakers like every other normal fan at the Arena? No. He just kept mouthing off about Byron Scott. Look, I'm no big Scott fan. (Especially if Money Brown continues to get heavy minutes. He was awful again Tuesday.) But I kept having to duck my head with my hand on my forehead and hope nobody was paying attention to my dad.

Dad: "They can't win this game. Byron Scott is a goddamn Laker. Always has been a fucking Laker. Ain't no way he wants to win this game. Because he's one of them." He said that about five or six times.

In the third quarter, a fan behind us yells randomly for Byron to coach 'em up in the huddle to spur a rally. Dad (in the fan's direction): "He ain't telling them shit in the huddle. He's for the Lakers. He won three titles with them, and he's one of them at heart. That's all he'll ever be. A fucking goddamn Laker. I don't know why you people can't see that."

I don't know how much our section heard of dad's proclamation. I had to get up at the end of every quarter and walk around in the concession area. I told him "that is enough" once, but he didn't listen.

I felt bad for the people around us trying to enjoy the game. I could tell the woman next to him was getting aggravated. She had that look on her face. I almost apologized to her after the game, but I didn't want pops to hear me.

Because then he wouldn't be shouting at Byron no more. He'd be shouting at me.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is explaining what I will eat for the next few days. She finishes: "On Thursday, you can eat whatever the fuck you want."

Mom got her first T-Mobile bill today. Darn. She opens it. "Uh-oh. What the fuck!" She reads the rest of the bill. "Fucking $35 for an activation fee. They didn't say nothing about no activation fee." A few minutes later. "Plus, I got charged for those fucking text messages." (You know, the ones where the Baton Rouge woman called her a whore.)

At first, mom thought I bought Season 1 of Pushing Daisies on DVD. I didn't, though. "You bought Pushing Daisies on DVD? A fucking two-season show." (Well, it should be more. Stupid ABC.)

FANTASY FEVER

Well, just as I thought. Paul beat the shit out of The Gene Poolers in the semifinals of our fantasy football league. He got huge games out of the Patriots kicker and Matt Casel. My big dippers (get it?) didn't put up numbers like they have been. The result: I'm in the third-place game this week with a chance to win my money back. Woo-hoo.

Our league is so messed up. I'm not playing in it next year unless it's fixed. We have an eight-team league. Yet somehow six teams make the playoffs. Are you fucking kidding me? We might as well have all eight make it.

This moronic system has yielded a championship game this week between the No. 5 seed and the No. 6 seed, who combined to go 13-15 in the regular season. I scored like 300 points more than these jabronis.

This would be like the Saints losing this week and being let in the playoffs. Then, they get all the right matchups and bingo-bango, they're in the Super Bowl. Could happen.

PARTING SHOT
As we're walking to the truck after the Hornets-Lakers game, a trio in front of us discusses the Wasps.

First guy: Yeah. They played bad.
Second guy: They need to get rid of all those guys but Posey.
First guy: Yup. Chandler's got to go. West. Man, he's got to go. And Peja. Gotta get rid of him.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five Christmas carols

5) Little Drummer Boy
That beat gets stuck in my head for days.

4) Jingle Bell Rock / Jingle Bells
We used to have this stocking that played the tune when you shook it. It had little bells attached.

3) 12 Yats of Christmas
Gets me every time. Before you drive me nutz is the best. I'm surprised they haven't updated this sucker.

2) Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
I still sing it the way I learned it in the first-grade. Examples: you would even say it glows, like a light bulb or and call him names, like Pinocchio or my favorite, join in any Reindeer games, like Monopoly.

1) Silent Night
Classic. Timeless.