FRANKY SAY I SAY

It was that time of the month Tuesday night. That's right. December's Yat-Together! For November's Yat-Together, I used a poll to decide where we would go. I then thought it would be a good idea to hit up the other places in the months to come.

We were all set for Mat and Naddie's on Tuesday night. That is until Amanda made a big save. Or as a hockey announcer would say: Stick save and a beauty. She sent me this text Sunday: I may be wrong, but I don't think Mat and Naddies serves dinner on Tuesdays. 

I looked it up. She was right. I then learned that my two other options for December also didn't serve dinner on Tuesday night. What's the deal with that? Restaurant workers have their own get-togethers? So, we switched gears quickly and set it up at Frankie & Johnny's.

I took this picture when I arrived. A guy leaving the restaurant saw me snapping away and said: "Taking a picture, eh? That is one of the classic, old-time beer signs." Oh-kay. 

Because Frankie & Johnny's closes at 9 p.m., I told peeps to get there for 7, 7:15. I myself showed up at a casual 7:26. I really need to work on that. I keep showing up last. OK. That's it. Next time, I will get there first or I'm buying dinner for the whole crew. 

The lineup for the final Yat-Together of 2008: Kevin, Amanda, Christina, me and the returning Bode. Ah, Bode. The most cultural of all the people with whom I associate. He's probably the only one I know who uses the word "funky" in a positive light. He's a musician, you see. 

Bode just came back from being in the land of China for 10 months teaching English to adults. To my dismay, he did not get the opportunity to play ping pong. Forrest Gump he is not. But he did say he had the experience of a lifetime. "I learned almost a new language. I didn't come back with a lot of money, but I lived well. It was a great adventure." 

I asked Bode if he had a chance to see some Olympic action. Boy, did he. He hit up boxing, baseball, softball, rowing, handball (which is much different than I thought) and some others I'm forgetting. That is awesome. Be jealous. I am. He also saw the Great Wall and, um, ate a lot of Chinese food.

Bode explained how the hooker business operates in China. It's called the Lady Bar. He said as a white male, they kept asking him: "You want Lady Bar?" Apparently, you have drinks with the girl at the bar, and then you go back to your place and negotiate a price. Fancy. Fancy.

Bode: "I've been back for three days, and I'm already in a band." That was quick. And he was back for one Yat-Together and came through with the line of the night. He was telling us about this girl from London. 

Kevin: "You went all the way to China to hook up with a girl from London?"

Bode: "Well, I hooked up with lots of girls. That was the only one I had like a relationship with."

Yeah. It was good to have Bode back. Adds a little worldliness to the Yat-Togethers. Well, a lot of worldliness. He's going to Argentina soon. 

The 27th edition of The Yat-Togethers (sounds like a straight-to-DVD movie) was just like all the rest: a rousing success. I had some boiled shrimp for an appetizer and hamburger steak for the main dish. See you in 2009, bitches.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER 

   

My mom is doing the crossword puzzle. She asks me: Three letters. "So, I think" online. I say I have no idea. She gets the other clues around it. "I-M-O. Whatever the fuck that means." (In case you are wondering, I-M-O means "in my opinion.")

Miracle on 34th Street is on. Mom likes this movie, but she was in a bitter mood. The prosecutor says something. "That's because there is no fucking Santa Clause."

Why was mom in a bitter mood? I'm glad you asked. The dentist. Mom had three teeth pulled last week and has another appointment Thursday. "I wish I would have kept my fucking teeth. I went over the fucking maximum on the dental plan. It's money down the fucking drain. And this fucking thing (her mouth piece with the new teeth) doesn't even fit in my mouth."

About an hour later, mom comes back to the topic. "He (the dentist) fucking lied (about the mouth piece). I got to put my hand over my fucking mouth to talk."

Mom shows me the property tax bill we just got. It kind of went up. Mom unleashes. "Fucking over-doubled. Every thing's getting fucking ridiculous. Then, I hear the Harahan tax is going to be extremely high because Harahan decided to fuck their residents. Plus, I'm getting fucked on my teeth." (Then, mom goes back to the mouth piece and caps it off rather nicely.) "It's not going to fit. Merry-fucking-Christmas." 

FOUR CORNERS

A closer look at The Gene Pool world

-- I probably should have explained the background for the name of this segment by now. It comes from the name of North Carolina's offense to run the clock when they used to get a lead. Speaking of the Tar Heels, I still think they can go undefeated. They played two highly ranked teams so far and destroyed both of them. Tyler is 131 free throws from the all-time NCAA record after starting the season 41-of-44. 

-- I'll be thinking about something and remember mentioning it in a Daily Top list. This happens about three times a week. The problem is I have no idea what day was what list. I'm also deftly afraid I'll repeat a list. 

So, the other day I drew a calendar on a blank sheet of paper and wrote in the category (and the rankings) with the coinciding day. I did this just for November. It took a pretty long time. I made three copies. If only I had a personal assistant to complete July through October. 

-- Jelly answered the phone at work Monday afternoon. I could tell right away what the caller wanted. I did my best Arnold Horshack impression to get her attention so I could speak to the caller. It worked. Jelly (to the caller): "Hold on one sec. I have somebody hear who would just love to answer that question."

The caller was wondering who to go for in the Carolina-Tampa Bay game. He didn't want to be cheering for the wrong team on Monday Night Football as a Saints fan. I told him he came to the right place. I gave him both sides of the argument and then recommended rooting for the Bucs because the Panthers had a better chance of then collapsing. Caller: "Why thank you, sir. That was very informative." I said: "That's what I'm here for."

-- I may be a genius with some recent sports picks (see World Series) and breaking down the Saints' playoff possibilities for you, but that doesn't mean I haven't been having my idiot moments. Take Monday night at work for instance.

Lopes said something about screaming for ice cream as a joke. And that's when something hit me that I hadn't put my finger on before. It's pretty embarrassing. I'm familiar with the phrase: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. It's even been a headline on The Gene Pool. 

But I never realized until Monday that the beginning of the saying, "I scream," sounds like ice cream. As in the origin of the saying was: Ice cream? You scream. We all scream for ice cream. As somebody who makes jokes like that on a daily basis, I'm shaking my head at myself even more. I guess before I thought it was just a fun saying and didn't put two and two together. 

I know that's bad. I'm ashamed. Tell me what's worse, though. That or Paul not realizing that the advertisement, "Every kiss begins with Kay," makes sense because the word kiss begins with the letter "K"? Also, I have a craving for some ice cream and hot fudge. 

PARTING SHOT

I get a call from the sports editor at 2 p.m. Wednesday.  

Doug: Gene, would you be able to come into work tonight? Or are you going to the Hornets game?

Me: Yes. I'm going to the game.

Doug: I thought you might be. Kevin and I had a little wager going on if you were. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five TV moms. (I debated for a solid five minutes on whether to include Lucy on this list. In the end, I decided against it. 1) Little Ricky doesn't come until later. 2) The show's focus isn't so much on the family as it is on Lucy getting into trouble.) 

5) Lois Griffin. Family Guy.

As JRap would say: Peter really outkicked his coverage. 

4) Marion Cunningham. Happy Days.

Who didn't love Mrs. C? If you didn't, I think you might be dead inside. 

3) Angela Petrelli. Heroes.

I bet Tina wishes she could dream the future and just starting yelling at me now.

2) Thelma Harper. Mama's Family.

You got to love an old woman who can handle her liquor.  

1) Laura Petrie. The Dick Van Dyke Show.

Now that's the kind of woman I'm looking for. Too bad she's not real, really old and taken.