I MUST HAVE A WINNING SMILE

As I was leaving work last night, I called Paul to tease him about leaving Philip Rivers on his bench in our fantasy regular-season finale showdown. I've already secured a bye for the first round of the playoffs next week, but Paul is in danger of watching the playoffs from his couch. Well, I guess I'll watch them from my couch too, but you get my point.

Before you knew it, we had decided to go to Bud's on Clearview, which is open 24/7. Holla. We sat in there for about an hour and a half after eating just chatting the night away. It was a nice, relaxing time.

At first, I ordered my usual No. 7 (no onion) with an order of fries. I plowed through that like Jacob through his Amish field. I then debated whether or not to get another one. On the one hand, I was still hungry. On the other hand (in this case, my left hand), it was 1 a.m. What to do? Fuck it, I said. I'm getting another No. 7.

Me: I'll take a No. 7. No onion.
Guy behind the register: I knew just one No. 7 wasn't gonna fill you up. You should have just ordered two to start with.
Me: I realize that now. I don't know what I was thinking.

I think the Bud's workers really liked me because when I looked in the bag from my second order of just a No. 7, there was another order of fries in there as well. That's what I'm talking bout. And it wasn't the regular order of fries you get for $1.10. It was a large order that they wrap up like a sandwich instead of putting them in that little bag used for a regular order.

The biggest drawback of the Clearview Bud's is that refills cost 50 cents. That is such bullshit. I counted four signs in a 10-foot area around and on the drink machine that warns about the joint not doing free refills. Puh-leeze. I should write a letter to the manager. Or get that now husband-less chick from Baton Rouge to call him a whore on his voicemail.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I might have received a free order of fries from Bud's, but that's not my only regular place that gives me cheaper deals. At Bobby's, I order a half shrimp/half catfish platter just about every Friday. Now, the price is supposed to be $10.95, but there's a couple of workers who ring it up at $9.95, whether I pick it up or my mom does.

The last two times we've gone, however, it has cost us $10.95. Last time, I had a new girl ring it up. I didn't know how to explain to her that I get that order for a buck cheaper. Mom usually gets Lisa (who she went to high school with) to process the order when she picks up the food. Mom was pissed about the extra buck today. "Without fucking Lisa behind the counter, it's cost us $2 the last two times."

Mom and I are watching House. During a break, FOX shows a commercial for an upcoming show in January. Mid-commercial, mom says: "What the fuck is this?" It was an American Idol preview.

I'm watching an episode of Family Guy.
Mom: How can you watch that crap?
Me: It's funny.
Mom: You don't watch the Simpsons, and that's been on for 20 fucking years.

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

If a stranger approaches you on the street or at an event and asks you a question, always say no. That's my policy, and I'm sticking to it. Sometimes, I don't even let them finish asking the question before I spit out, "No." As soon as I see the random person coming near me, the word "no" jumps to the tip of my tongue.

You know the kind of people I'm talking about. They are either 1) attempting to sell you something you don't need or would care to want, 2) asking some ridiculous question that doesn't deserve a response or 3) trying to scam you. Like I'm going to buy something from someone I've never met whose selling it on the street. I don't have time to answer random questions about nothing.

As for the scammers, I'm pretty good at not only saying "no" if need be but avoiding those people altogether. Like that dude who wanted hotel money in the middle of the Uptown area a few months back.

Or that time outside of Danny and Clyde's that a dude tried to convince Bert and Paul that he needed them to give him $100 to have his car towed. He could pay them back when they all got back to his house. You know, after Paul or Bert drove him there. Gee, I wonder what was going to happen to them once they got to the dude's house?

I can tell when some one's approaching with a scam. Call it a sixth sense. When I first heard the dude call to us from his parked, "broken" down car, I turned the other way, made a loop and went into the store. Paul and Bert listened to the whole pitch. After a minute inside the store, I came back outside and took a picture of the situation on my phone. (This was before the blog started.)

In other words, treat suspicious strangers as you would treat a drug dealer when you were a kid: Just say no. Of course, this philosophy backfired at the Hornets game Wednesday. I'm walking around the Arena at halftime.

Random dude (holding out a ticket): Hey buddy, ...
Me (ignoring the rest of the pitch): No.

As I continued on, I realized what he was saying as I was cutting him off: Hey buddy, you want this ticket to get the free photo with the Honeybees after the game. Damn. I blew it.

Hmm. It was probably a ticket stub from the previous Wednesday promotion anyway.

PARTING SHOTS
We're talking about the BCS. I say something sarcastic.

Derry: Take him out to the shed and shoot him.
Marcus: Do we have to take him somewhere? Can't we just do it here?
Derry: But before we do that, at least give the dude a hug.
Marcus: No.
Liam: Come on. That would make it like Old Yeller.

D is reflecting back on the shift as we're leaving.

D: I think having Marcus here curtailed our production. Other than that, we did pretty good tonight.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five NBA players since I've been watching, not counting Rockets or Hornets.

5) Grant Hill.
I had a Pistons jersey. It's a shame what injuries did to his career.

4) Vince Carter.
I was all about Vinsanity and was devastated when he missed that final shot in game 7 of the 2001 semifinals.
I loved watching him play then. Now, not so much.

3) Reggie Miller.
Here's SportsCenter's Top 10 Reggie moments. My favorite is No. 3 when he pushed off Michael to hit the game-winning shot in Game 4 of the 1998 conference finals. I practiced that with my friends in the backyard while wearing my Reggie jersey. Even the jumping and twisting in jubilation after the shot.

2) LeBron James.
I am a witness.

1) John Stockton.
My all-time favorite player. Hard-nosed. Awesome passer. Not a bad shooter. Pickpocketer. I cheered really hard for the Jazz in those two finals against the Bulls. I still say they got screwed.

I wasn't even that mad when Stockton hit the series-winning shot against the Rockets in the 1997 conference finals. You may not believe me, but during the timeout to set up that play, I turned around (I was sitting on the floor literally two feet from the TV because I was so excited and nervous about the game.) and said to mom: "The ball is going to Stockton, and he's going to make a 3-pointer to win the series. I can just feel it."

What's even more impressive is that the scored was tied at 100 before that shot. What a prediction!