TWO STORIES FROM THE CASINO

I went a few times this past week.

1) I was walking toward the poker room from the theatre Tuesday when I notice an attractive girl playing a slot machine. She was on the closest one to the walkway. As I pass her, I see her look my way. Interesting.

Twenty minutes later, I head back to the theatre (where they were holding the World Series) and pass by her again. She's still alone. I observe that she doesn't have a ring on. She looks at me again. I stop about 20 feet away, turn back and look at her. Five seconds later, she looks up from the machine in my general direction.

I'm not positive she's actually looking at me. It could have been all in my head. So, I go check out something in the theatre and come back out a few minutes later. She looks over at me again. That sealed it. I begin my approach over to her. In my head, I wanted the convo to last about five minutes. Maybe less. That way, I have less time to blow it. Here's the beginning and end of what I had planned:

Me (charmingly): So, uh, you winning?
Her: No. Not really.
Me: Oh. Well, I hope you do better. My name is Gene.
(And to the end.)
Me: I'm about to play in the poker tournament. So, can I get your number and we can maybe go out sometime next week?
Karen (she looked like a Karen): Sure.

When I'm about 10 feet away, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a pack of cigs and a lighter. She lites it up. I make an awkward hook and head back to the theatre. Damn.

2) On Saturday night, I met David at the casino. The company he and his mom work for had their Christmas party at Harrah's during the day. Their family had a room at the hotel, so they decided to spend the night gambling. I get there, and David is like $300 up.

David took off at about 2:30 a.m. up $200 and something. I was down $20, so I decided to play a little longer to try to get it back. At about 4 a.m., three people join my table. They all look familiar. It's three dudes I went to Rummel with ending a bachelor party with some gambling.

It was actually a group of seven. Those three happened to join my table. I love reunions. Especially since I didn't remember three of their names. So, I said things like: "Hey you, what's up?" or "How you been, dude?" When they asked me a question, I responded: "Yeah, man." That was fun.

Fellow Rummel grad: "Hey, Guillot (we called each other by last name in high school). You here a lot?"
Me: "Yeah. Sort of."
Fellow Rummel grad: "You look like it."

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is reading the ads for this week. "They got season 4 of Two and 1/2 Men for $27.99. That ain't no fucking sale."

I tell mom that recent seasons that came out have few episodes because of the strike. "Yeah. They got Californication on sale. I bet there's only seven fucking shows on it."

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that your TV must be digital by February 17, 2009? I bet you did. And if you're like me, you've had it up to here (standing on my desk and touching the ceiling) with the messages during shows (the countdown really gets me) and the commercials specifically to tell you about it.

This was actually the first Did You Know? when this segment started way back when. I bring it up again because 1) the non-stop telling me about it by the powers that be and 2) a message that flashed on my screen while I was watching ABC on Wednesday.

There was a test to make sure your TV was equipped to handle the switchover. We passed! Then, a few minutes after the test, this message scrolled across the screen: Do your television fail the DTV test? Call the hotline at 207-5437.

Was this a national scroll? How many people approved this message before it ran? What a horrible mistake. That's worse than the T-P notes posted around the building. (We haven't had one in a while. I'm starting to miss them.)

How many people called the hotline to bitch at them for saying "do" instead of "did"? You know, besides me. Of course, the phone rang for 10 minutes, and no one answered. Good thing I didn't call looking for help.

YAH. YAH. WE NEED HELP.

The Saints chances of making the playoffs are basically as good as they were last week. This past week didn't do too much to affect the outcome. The Giants losing to the Eagles did hurt. Still, I'm confident. Yet, no one seems to be jumping on my bandwagon. Though Bake said today: "All that stuff could happen."

Here's the dream scenario for this week's games:
Nawlins over Chicago
Tampa Bay over Atlanta
Cincy over Washington
Giants over Dallas
Cleveland over Philly

OK. So, that has like a zero chance of happening. But a boy can dream, can't he? If all that did happen this week, then all we would need (besides winning our final two games) is: Dallas to lose to either Baltimore or Philly.

Another quick breakdown:
Saints losses that were winnable: 4 (Redskins, Broncos, Vikings, Bucs).
Saints wins that were losable: 2 (Bucs, Falcons).

PARTING SHOTS
I tell Bake that they're calling the UNC-West Virginia bowl game the mini-Orange bowl.

Bake: So, like a tangerine?

I'm reading about the Vikings guy being naked on TV. He asked a gossip columnist: "How'd it look?" I assumed out loud that the gossip columnist was a woman. This caused a small disturbance.

Bake: Gene is sort of running a gossip-column business.

Jelly is catching up on her friends' blogs.

Jelly (to Sandy): My friend Pam's triplets are 1-year-old
Bake: All three of them?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five choices for abilities if I could pick one.

5) To stop time.
I would use this power to sleep without losing any real time. That would be awesome.

4) Super hearing.
This way I could eavesdrop on conversations from far away.

3) Flying.
I could get to work much faster and not ever pay for gas or airfare. Oh yeah. And never sit in traffic again.

2) Invisibility.
Just use your imagination.

1) Time travel.
I would go back and witness all kinds of historical events. Then, when someone brings up a certain event, I could say: "Yeah. I was there."