OK. IF YOU INSIST. I'LL PULL YOUR FINGER.

The definitions I've made up (with some help) the past two weeks have been all the rage in the office. OK. Maybe not all the rage. But I think people have enjoyed them for the most part. A few times people have referenced them, saying things like "Oh, he just pulled a JRap" or whoever. I think it's amusing. Let's finish out the office, shall we?

T-P dictionary

pulling a Derry, v.
1) to try to win an argument by talking louder than your opponent
2) to propose betting on anything and everything
3) to be wrong about something after saying it was "absolutely" going to happen

pulling a Max, v.
1) to answer any question with the response: "Oh-kay."
2) to have exact change
3) to discuss all things beer while not actually drinking

pulling a Phil, v.
1) to break into a sweat at the mere mention of something spicy
2) to speak negatively about a favorite team, even during a good run or a good year
3) to call loved ones after eating a meal

pulling a Marcus, v.
1) to declare a game over prematurely by yelling, "Ballgame. Thanks for coming."
2) to almost prevent someone from converting a Jarrett Lee
3) to break something down in elementary terms and then say, "Make sense?"
4) to encourage somebody to hit me
5) to refuse to give somebody a hug

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I walk through the living room at 9:30 a.m. My mom is shocked to see me up.

Me: I was having a dream where I
Mom (cutting me off): Where what? Where you were fucking somebody?

PARTING SHOTS
Brick (pulling a Brick No. 1) tells Sandy that Derry got her goat.

Sandy: He didn't get my anything. I don't even have a goat, and if i did, he wouldn't be able to get it.

Brick asks Marcus about the length of a writer's story.

Brick: He can go as long as he likes?
Jelly: That's what she said.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five favorite beverage slogans, not including beer.

5) The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. Folgers.
I don't drink coffee, but that thing used to get stuck in my head.

4) Is it in You? Gatorade.
When need be.

3) Barq's has bite. Barq's.
You darn right it does.

2) Obey your thirst. Sprite.
I do about twice a week.

1) Always Coca-Cola. Coke.
Classy and timeless. And I love those polar bear commercials.