LSU-GEORGIA FRIENDLY RUNNING DIARY

2:32: I'm driving to work to start the diary, but I'm running late. I listen to the coin toss on the radio. Hawthorne tells me that Jordy's microphone is malfunctioning. "Hopefully, we'll get that fixed before the end of the game." Really? You're going to fix it within the next three and a half hours? It's not like anyone is sad not to hear from Jordy.

2:33: After the coin toss, the ref says, "Let's have a good game." Amen, brother. Amen.

2:37: Georgia gets a pick and returns it for a touchdown. The first thing I see when I walk in the building and turn on the TV is the Bulldogs celebrating on the sideline. Oh boy. Already? Yup. GEORGIA 7, LSU 0. Lee made a terrible read. Like I said before, he doesn't know yet how to look off his first read.

2:42: On third down, Lee not ready for the snap. But he reacts and completes a first down.

2:45: Scott looks like he did early in the season so far. They have an initial hole, and then he's punishing people in the secondary. As I'm typing that, he runs right over a guy and gets inside the 10. You can't hit him high. Dumbass.

2:46: FACEMASK! And no call. Two refs right there. How can you miss that?

2:47: TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! Wide receiver screen pass to LaFell on third-and-goal. He makes it happen, captain. That was a heck of a drive. LSU 7, GEORGIA 7. Lot of excitement early on.

2:50: The phone rings. I answer it. Guy wants to know the Boise State score from last night. I give it to him.

2:53: LSU uses the express defense with four defensive end. Plus, they blitz two more. Don't get close to Stafford. The result: A 22-yard completion on third down.

2:56: After an LSU tackle, several players pat players on the other team on their helmet. How friendly. See, I told you.

3:01: Touchdown drive. The Dawgs drove down the field like they were in practice. It seemed like they were only half-trying. Chunks of yardage in the running game. Completed passes when needed. No penetration by LSU. Could be a long day for the Tiger defense. Didn't they say they fixed all those problems? Oh. They were lying. Gotcha.

3:05: On second down, Lee doesn't step up in the pocket soon enough. On a third-down draw, Murphy slips. Probably wouldn't have gotten the 9 yards anyway. And punt.

3:10: I think Verne likes this Georgia team. Just a tad. Make that both announcers. End of the first quarter with Georgia about to make it 21-7. Dammit. Another freakin' blowout?

3:15: GEORGIA 21, LSU 7. Seriously, it's like there isn't even a defense on the field. Coming in to this game, Georgia was scoring touchdowns in the red zone 50 percent of the time. The cure for that bad clip? The practice, er, LSU defense. I hope the people who "fixed" the LSU defense aren't in charge of fixing the economy.

3:17: Always the optimist, LSU is used to playing from behind. Miles said so himself. So we got that going for us. Speaking of Miles, he has never lost in regulation at Tiger Stadium. Well, for the next two and a half hours, he can say that.

3:23: So let me get this straight, CBS. Hatch and Lee are friends? You're sure about this?

3:25: Colt David makes a 51-yard field goal. He's the all-time LSU scoring leader. Good for him. GEORGIA 21, LSU 10. Why was there not defensive holding on third down? Even the Georgia-loving broadcast booth saw that one. There was no tip. And yet they didn't review it. It's now my goal for LSU to get one call at home today.

3:29: Now, that was a tipped ball on first down. LSU defensive back Patrick Peterson (freshman) acts like he did something on second down. Hey, jackass! The dude still caught the ball. Just didn't get a foot in bounds. You still blew it.

3:33: LSU gets its first stop. OK, crowd. Start your almighty bowing to this "fixed" defense.

3:40: Demetrius flying Byrd. What a fantastic play. Nice catch. Spin move. Breaks two tackles. Still has a burst of speed in him. On the next play, Scott, who had some power running going on the drive, cruises into the end zone from the 2. TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! GEORGIA 21, LSU 17. Seven minutes left in the first half.
3:42: We could have our exciting game after all. I thought it was a mistake for Georgia on its previous possession to be conservative on third down. The booth agreed with the Dawgs' decision. But LSU had not stopped the Bulldogs yet. Why not keep pushing on the gas pedal? Now, they've given those Tigers life. That's not what I would call smart.

3:46: Three-and-out for Georgia. Told you the Dawgs made a mistake. They blew it. I'll take it.

3:50: Lee takes all the momentum LSU had, balls it up, lights a match, sets the ball on fire, takes the ball, eats it and goes up in flames. What kind of terrible throw was that? By the way, I hate the roll out. I've never understood the point of that play. It gets the QB out of the pocket, but he's off balance from running out there. Anyway, shouldn't they keep running and throwing safe passes?

3:54: 50-yard field goal by Georgia. GEORGIA 24, LSU 17. This dude missed four field goals a few weeks ago. Now he makes a 50-yarder. Geez.

4:03 Halftime. Not a blowout. We could have a classic. But I'm still sensing blowout. LSU needs to throw some quick passes and keep pounding Scott with an occasional pitch to Murphy or Williams. And just pray on defense.

4:30: Georgia goes three-and-out. They don't call a flag on the pick on third down. They call illegal formation. At least we got some sort of call. Holliday doesn't look so fast today when he keeps getting tackled by the first guy.

4:35: Three-and-out for LSU. The Dawgs stuffed Scott on first down. Then, the possession was basically over.

4:38: Nice play by Stafford. Looked like maybe a sack. Then like he was throwing it away. But he completed a 10-yard pass to the sideline. Impressive.

4:43: Marcus: "Remember when you asked me about Jai Eugene, D? There he is getting boint." GEORGIA 31, LSU 17. Third-and-10. LSU almost gets to Stafford. He steps up and bang, 48-yard TD pass with Eugene trailing the receiver.

4:49: That crazy Les Miles does it again. In a desperate situation down by 14, he calls for the fake punt, and it works. Again. And I was about to declare the game over.

4:57: LSU misses a long field goal. What difference does it make down 11? I thought they should have gone for it. They need touchdowns and momentum against Georgia like the momentum shift from the first half. The intentional grounding certainly didn't help.

5:00: Knowshown really long touchdown run. There was no hole there. But the LSU defenders plugging the hole decided to vacate the area. Coleman then missed a tackle. Should have been a 5-yard gain. GEORGIA 38, LSU 17. Ballgame. Another freindly blowout. That's three in a row the wrong way. Is this a rivalry anymore?

5:04: This is over. I'm out. At least I can pat myself on the back for calling a blowout.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I show my mom a mark on my back. "I don't know what the fuck that is."

Mom tells me after I wake up that she wants me to watch something on Oprah. I immediately know that will lead to disaster. She wants me to see a product on there and maybe get it for my birthday. I reluctantly agree. Let's just say that I hate Oprah even more now. She's insufferable. Even though I'm aggravated and have already told mom Oprah sucks, I try to pay attention to the product. I ask a question.

Me: What does it do?
Mom: Fuck you, Gene. Jesus Christ. (She walks past me and into the kitchen.) He didn't even look at it. How could you not want that. It's like a fucking Ipod except for books. Jesus Christ. He's so fucking ungrateful. He makes a big fucking ordeal out of it. Jesus Christ. He didn't even give it a chance. I'm glad I didn't go buy one. He would have opened it and been like, 'What the fuck is this?' "

I try to apologize a few minutes later and explain that I was only asking a serious question about the product.

"You are the rudest child. You made all these fucking disgusting faces like 'Why the fuck are you showing me this?' All you have to do is hit a fucking button, and you can download a book. You're the most ungrateful child."

I try to apologize (yet again) later. "Then why did you make all those fucking faces?" (I tell her those were just at Oprah, but by this point, she's not listening.)

I try to make it better by telling her something good I did. "You fucking want a cookie? You're 25-years-old. You're not a fucking baby."

TV WEEK IN REVIEW

Best line: House. House explains how he figured out what the patient had. "Another life saved by girl-on-girl action."

Best Indiana Jones reference. Tie. Family Guy. Heroes. The Family Guy episode took place in Nazi Germany. So I'm expecting an Indy reference. But they trick me and give one from the second film, the only one in the trilogy not involving Nazis. Well played. Heroes had Adam die the same way two Nazis die in the last Crusade when they choose poorly in trying to achieve eternal life.

Best guest star: Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursday. The show starts from the Oval Office. But the shocker is that George W. Bush is played by our old pal Will Ferrell. Of course, it was funny. I'm also declaring this site a no-bummer zone. I even laughed at the notion that W. thought Cheney was actually in charge this whole time.

This week's rant: I thought this week of TV was the best overall week in recent memory. SNL Thursday was hilarious. How I Met Your Mother felt like a sesaon finale with Ted and Stella's relationship ending. Heroes established a bad-ass villain while deleting the powers of the best good guy. I was given hope for Chuck and Sarah. Plus, I got to see Corey Matthews back on my TV screen. What a treat.

PARTING SHOT
Marcus is looking for help with a story.

Marcus: Hey, D. Give me a cinnamon for bad. Oops. I meant synonym. I must be hungry.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five dream jobs.

5) Newspaper copy editor.
Wait. I kind of already have that. Dreams can come true.

4) ESPN.com blogger/columnist.
I would love to get paid to sit at home and watch sports and make comments on it. Sort of like I do on this site.

3) TV show writer.
I think I would be a hell of an asset to a sitcom. I got jokes. I can make sure the storylines mesh from episode to episode and season to season. Not thrilled about waking up early, though.

2) Cubs play-by-play guy.
Hang out at Wrigley. Watch the Cubs for a living. Eat some hot dogs.

1) WWE employee.
In any capacity really. Work for the magazine. Come up with storylines for the show. Plan the future. Get Vince's coffee. Whatever.