LSU-FLORIDA RUNNING DIARY

7:04: The color guy tells us that there will be 22 battles all over the field tonight. Really? Every player on the field will be fighting himself? Should be interesting.

7:08: Liam: "I hate Florida." And we have the kickoff.

7:09: They show us the Orlando Sentinel article with Francois' idiotic comments. Thanks for the reminder.

7:10: Nevis (didn't know he was in the rotation) blows up a play on second down.

7:11: Third-and-12. No pressure for like a decade. And Tebow hits Harvin for a long, long touchdown. McCray misjudges the throw but gets a hand on it. It bounces right to Harvin. What the frick was McCray doing guarding Harvin? That's the worst matchup since Dwyane Wade and Star Jones.

7:17: A quick three-and-out for the Tigers. A dropped ball, stuffed run and wrong route/bad pass. Great start.

7:20: Jelly thought: People should be able to redshirt academically.

7:22: I think they should guard Harvin. He good.

7:24: Florida finally doesn't get a first down on a play. Derry: "Yes. Moral victory, baby."

7:27: Tigers stop on third-and-goal. 10-0 Gators. Hey, the Tigers were down 14-0 in the Swamp in 2004.

7:33: Three-and-out again. Scott runs into the back of the center. Bad pass from Lee. Third-and-long draw?

7:34: Punt return to the LSU 40. This could be a long night. Maybe we're lulling them to sleep.

7:38: Big-time facemask penalty. The runner was going nowhere. Can we do anything right?

7:40: Tackle Tebow at the 2. LSU guy taunts. Tebow does the Gator clap. Think the clap is winning.

7:43: 17-0 Florida. Harvin again. Too easy. Perhaps I should stop writing this.

7:46: At least the return game is clicking.

7:48: End of quarter. Lee picked off right before that on a terrible pass.

7:55: Coleman rips it from Harvin on third down to force a punt. Here we go, boys.

7:57: With a 4-yard run on first down, LSU equals its total yardage from the first quarter.

8:03: LSU has a decent drive going, and Scott and Hatch have a bad exchange for a fumble on third-and-2. A thousand F bombs.

8:09: LSU gets a three-and-out, and Harvin might be hurt. The momentum is shifting to the team down by 17.

8:13: Nice play by LaFell after the catch. So the wide receivers are playing in this game

8:20: Chad Jones lets the ball bounce in the end zone for a touchback. What a moron.

8:27: Urban Meyer is light-headed. My Parkman impersonation is starting to work.

8:31: Florida 20-0. Nice defensive play on third down. Twenty points at halftime is nothing. Especially since LSU already has gotten past midfield twice.

8:37: Florida kicks it out of bounds. LSU gets ball at the 40 but gets a delay of game. Now, there's a review. I'm so confused. Oh, they reviewed if Williams' left foot, which was out of bounds, hit first when he caught the ball. Play stands. LSU ball at the 35.

8:41: Trick play! Trick play! First and goal. Hook and ladder to Trindon.

8:42: TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! T-I-G-E-R-S. Nice fade route throw to Mitchell. 20-7.

8:45: Miles walking off the field at halftime: "Our defense played better at the back end of that half. At the beginning there, it was ... rough." Reporter: Thanks, coach. Miles: "See-ya."

Halftime analysis: If LSU can go down and score to start the half, this is anybody's game. The score could be a lot worse. Doesn't Florida's defense suck? Let's ram it down the throat and score.

9:19: Sorry for the delay. Took a dinner break. Hell of an opening drive. Most impressive. Straight down the field in 6-plus minutes. TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! Hatch on a keeper. Everyone was involved on that drive. 20-14 Florida. Getting interesting.

9:21: Delay of game on LSU on the kickoff. Marcus: "I have never seen that before in my life. ... I ain't never heard of that."

9:29: The yellow line for the first down is broken. I feel naked watching this game now. Which isn't good at work. Florida responding with solid drive into LSU territory.

9:32: Florida 27, LSU 14. Tebow walks in the end zone. Set up by a long play down the sideline. Hawkins burned on a pump-and-go. So much for that comeback.

9:37: On third-and-4, Lee throws behind a wide-open LaFell, who had plenty of room to run. LaFell is unable to hold on, and the Tigers punt. Son of a monkey biscuit.

9:39: Florida ball at its 40. LSU down two scores with 3:16 left in the third. Need a stop, a score, a stop and another score. That's a tall order. Like Jolly Green Giant tall.

9:43: Long touchdown for the Gators. Ballgame. Florida 34, LSU 14. Tigers have been unable to stop the option all night long. I really thought LSU had the game after the opening drive of the third quarter. Oh well.

9:50: D: "This is going to drop LSU (in the polls)."

9:51: End of third quarter. The major difference between this team and previous top LSU teams this decade is defense. Those defenses were stoppers. This defense has too many leaks in it.

9:55: Pick-six for Lee. Florida 41, LSU 14. I told you Lee wasn't anything to get all excited about.

9:57: This will not crack my top five Florida-LSU games. I kinda felt all week like it wouldn't happen tonight for the Tigers. Bake predicted a blowout at the outset. Good for him. I'm done with this diary. See you when the Bulldogs come to Tiger Stadium. It's not like the season is over. But it does make me sick to lose to the Gators. Yuck. Plus, I missed Paul's birthday party.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I ask my mom why it is so cold in the house. "I have it this cold because the fucking cake was melting."

I'm watching the Texas-Oklahoma game. They scan the crowd. "Look at the fucking people."

I'm talking to mom about a TV show. "Don't you watch enough fucking shows?"

Mom is upset with me. "Quit leaving the shit all over the place. Put stuff in the garbage. It's right there."

PARTING SHOTS

Marcus: Gene, you figure that problem out with JRap?
JRap: Yeah. He didn't see a period there.
Liam: They are small and hard to see.
Marcus: So is he.

Retro quote: October 11, 2004
Jelly hands Phil a proof.

Phil: This can't be right. It says Seahawks at Lakers. I think the Lakers will win that.
Jelly: Back off Phil.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
This is a special edition of the top list because it is the 100th one I've done. So today is the top five daily top lists. This is like the blog version of TV clip shows.

5) My top five boneheaded moments.
Derry scared the bejesus out of me on the elevator Saturday night. I didn't see him coming, and I yelled like a girl and splashed water everywhere. I felt like a real bonehead.

4) My top five drunken moments.
Last Tuesday didn't crack the list.

3) My top 40 TV shows.
Nothing has changed on the list.

2) My top five times I got lost.
I could get lost in my own neighborhood.

1) My top five things that never happened.
How is this No. 1? They never happened.