CHAPTER IV. WE CALLED IT A LOVE TRIANGLE WITH FOUR SIDES.
(the fourth in what seems to be a series on Fridays)

Previously on High School Girlfriend Saga: I broke up with Regina during a football game, didn't tell anybody about it and found out some 17 days later that she wasn't attending school. Instead, she was in a mental hospital.

And action.

After picking our jaws up from the Palace floor and brushing off the popcorn from our chins, Paul and I had a hearty chuckle about the situation. It was kind of funny. We didn't laugh for long, though. We realized this was serious. I had crushed a girl's heart and sent her to the mental hospital. I felt awful.

I then call her cell phone. No answer. I thought about driving to her house in Kenner to ask her mom all sorts of questions and then maybe go visit her the next day at the crazy house. But I didn't. The whole idea creeped me out. That was Wednesday, February 6, 2002.

On Thursday night, I'm at home (maybe studying, maybe watching TV; I don't remember) when my phone rings. It's Regina, and she proceeds to tell me how she ended up in the nuthouse. After I left her house after the breakup, she freaked out worse than when I was there. Her mom came home to discover her smashing things. She insisted Regina get some help. So she did. She had returned home Wednesday night and went to school Thursday. She said she felt all better.

This talk eased my mind. I apologized for breaking her heart, and we talked about maybe hanging out soon. On Friday at school, I told all my friends the story, beginning with the breakup. I had a nice talk again with Regina on Friday. Just when I thought the drama was over, I had a I-didn't-see-that-coming conversation Saturday night.

Some folks were over at my house. Paul was the last one to leave. I'm standing on my front door step waving goodbye, but just as I turn to go back inside for the night, this happens.

Paul: Oh. Can I ask you an important question?
Me: Sure. Whatever.
Paul: Because I would never do this without talking to you.
Me: Just spit it out already.
Paul: Would you be OK if I asked Regina out?

I had a dilemna. I didn't have feelings anymore for Regina. I could care less who she dated. I also didn't want to be a dickweed and tell Paul no just because I could. But I didn't feel comfortable with the possibility of them dating.

Me: Why would you want to go and do that?
Paul: I just feel like we had a real connection. I didn't say anything while ya'll were dating, of course. But when we were all hanging out, to me, it just seemed like Regina and I got along better than you guys did.
Me: Wow. I don't know what to say. Are you sure you want to do this?
Paul: At some points, we were giggling amongst ourselves, and you were just sitting there. I have real feelings for her.
Me: You know she just got out the mental hospital?
Paul: I can help her through that.
Me: O-K. If you really want to, I got no qualms about it.
Paul: Thanks. That means a lot.

On Monday after school, Paul, Minkus and I are talking before I head off to soccer practice. I had a lot on my mind. That Saturday was our state quarterfinals match against Brother Martin, who we had split with in the regular season. Minkus complains that Paul is getting first crack at Regina.

Me: What?
Minkus: Yeah. I liked her, too.
Me: You've got to be kidding me?
Minkus: I didn't want to say anything when ya'll were together, but when you invited me over to her house for that spaghetti dinner with her family before Christmas, that was very uncomfortable for me. I couldn't stop thinking about her.
Me: Good Lord Almighty. So you want to date her, too? Why don't ya'll just have a devil's threesome?
Minkus: I just don't see why Paul gets to ask her out first. I like her just as much.
Me: I can't believe I'm having this conversation. Sorry, Minkus. Paul asked permission first. You're going to have to hope these two nutjobs fail. I got to get to practice.

So the plan was for Paul to call Regina on Monday night and ask her on a date for Friday night to see if they have any real chemistry. All I had in my head, however, during soccer practice and when I got home was the thought of Paul and Regina having dinner, holding hands and making out. I decided I couldn't let that happen.

The reason for this decision was only half-selfish. I couldn't stand the thought of Paul with Regina. She still represented something to me. My first real girlfriend and my best friend. Yuck. The other half of my decision was to save Paul. That's right. Save him. You see, at the time, Paul wanted to stay a virgin until marriage and most certainly wouldn't have jumped in the sack very quickly even if he did break that. If they started dating, Regina would have been bringing up sex probably within two weeks. I knew Paul couldn't handle that. I had to save him.

I had all kinds of thoughts and emotions running through my body when I called Regina. I think Paul and Minkus having these feelings for Regina lit a fire in me. She was on the other line with Paul. They were talking about me. According to Paul, she said, "Speak of the devil, he's on the other line. Hold on." According to Regina, she did not say "Speak of the devil" in any form or fashion. I remember that becoming a big deal. Silly, right?

Regina: Hey.
Me: Hey. What's up?
Regina: I'm talking to Paul on the other line.
Me: Oh. Is the conversation serious at all?
Regina: No. Just talking.
Me: OK. Can you hang up with him then?
Regina: Sure. (She switches lines.) OK. I told him I'll call him back.
Me: Good.
Regina: What do you want, Gene?
Me: Um. I've been thinking. A lot.
Regina: Me, too.
Me: Look, the truth is: I love you. And we should get back together.
Regina: Oh my, God! I love you, too. Yes, let's get back together.
Me: Wow. This is awesome. We should have never broken up.
Regina: No. But this whole ordeal will make our love even stronger.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom went to pick up lunch from Bobby's today. She returns mad as all hell. "Two fucking school zones I had to go through at 3 o'clock."

Mom's old high school friend Lisa, who works at Bobby's, was not there the past few weeks. She tells mom that she had her shoulder replaced. Mom couldn't wrap her head around that one. "That doesn't make any sense. She said it was crumbling. How do you replace a fucking shoulder?"

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

On the first day of school in eighth grade, my Louisiana history teacher imparted some advice to the class that I've been living by ever since. He wrote his two rules of thumb on the chalkboard.

1) If you ever get caught doing something wrong, lie. And then run.
2) Marry money.

I haven't been caught much (mostly because I've been a good/sneaky boy), but when I have been, I haven't been above fibbing and sliming my way out of it. You should do the same.

As for rule No. 2, I'm still working on that one. I'm not saying I wouldn't want to marry a non-rich person, but I would be more inclined to move forward with a rich bitch ho (that one was for you, Danny). If you are single, you should look into this idea as well.

My teacher said marrying money was smart because then you wouldn't have to work too hard. Sounded good to me. Meanwhile the two years I had him for history, I put in more effort than at any other time in my schooling history. Ironic. To show you I'm sincere, Regina had plenty of money (you should see what she got me for Christmas in 2001). Clearly, I'm not with her.

My eighth-grade history teacher also introduced me to KISS (keep it simple, stupid). Ah, the life lessons I learned in LA history. Thanks, Mr. Altobello, even though we didn't exactly get along and you threw me out of your class like three times. He didn't like my imitation of a Chinese man. Or was it Japanese?

WHEN I SAY OBAMA, YOU SAY AYERS

I've been getting some interesting phone calls at work. I guess that is the reason I don't mind answering the phone. You just never know what kind of looney will be on the other end. Case in point: Friday night.

Me: Sports.
Caller: Hello. Is this the newspaper?
Me: Yes.
Caller: OK. Um. Has the T-P made an endorsement for president?
Me: Hold on. (I ask Sandy, who tells me not yet.) No. Not yet.
Caller: Oh. Well hopefully ya'll choose Obama.
Me: It probably will be him.
Caller: Oh, good. OK. Bye.

And that had what to do with sports?

PARTING SHOTS
I'm talking to Paul late Thursday night about the mess up with Tom Brady's surgery.

Me: He should have gone to Dr. James Andrews.
Paul: Who is that?
Me: Are you kidding me?
Paul: Oh. Wait. Is that the wrestling guy?
Me: Yes, Paul. The wrestling guy.
(I then give him a full explanation of Andrews. Paul, a huge football fan, had no idea Andrews has also operated on like half the Saints, including Red Meat last week. As Marcus would say: Disgusting.)

I'm typing in a Web site when JRap sends me a message on AIM. I was typing .net, and the AIM message popped up right after I typed in the "n." I then hit enter to go to the Web site, but I really sent JRap a response without knowing it. Here's the convo.

JRap: You got Tulane insider
Me: et
JRap: tu, Brute?

I don't know if this was an insult or a compliment.

JRap (talking about me): Over here, you've got Moe, Larry and Curly all rolled into one.

Marcus is reading a prep story.

Marcus: William Bunns. Haha.
Me: Is that the name of a running back?
Marcus: Yeah. You know what they say when he scores?
Sandy: Hot dog!

Trey is upset that a prep writer e-mailed the story to his personal e-mail instead of the general sports e-mail.

Trey: I don't know why they keep doing this. We've only done this for like 100 years.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five rivalries involving one of my teams.

5) Dolphins vs. J-E-T-S.
Still have nightmares of that Monday Night game. Favre only added fuel to the fire.
Seen it in person? No.

4) Rockets vs. Spurs.
To get ready for this season, I'm watching the highlight of T-Mac scoring 13 points in 33 seconds to beat San Antonio back in 2004.
Seen it in person? Does preseason count?

3) LSU vs. Auburn.
I don't feel bad for Auburn this year. Not in the least bit.
Seen it in person? Yes.

2) Cubs vs. Cardinals.
Long history. Plus my dad's favorite team is the Red Birds.
Seen it in person? Yes.

1) UNC vs. Duke.
Easy. Best rivalry in all of sports.
Seen it in person? No.