TO BE THE MAN YOU GOT TO TALK TO THE MAN 

A couple of weeks ago, Marcus tells me that he's got the job of a lifetime for me. I figure he's messing with me until he told me the assignment. He's in charge of the Hornets special section, and there's a big to-do on Chris Paul. As part of the package, we're running quotes on Paul from a bunch of different people: his high school coach, the mayor of his home town, Red Meat, etc.

Marcus wanted me to get a quote about CP3 from none other than Ric Flair. (If you don't know who that is, he's the greatest professional wrestler of all the times.) On Thursday, Marcus gave me the number of Flair's agency. I call on Friday afternoon and eventually talk to his personal assistant about the quote. Her name is Nola Armstrong. Yeah. Nola. I tell her I've been to her Web site. She seemed confused. 

Flair was in New York on Friday at some function. She said she would be with Flair on Monday flying to California for a week of events. Flair retired from wrestling in April. I saw his last match live in Orlando. "So he's not really retired, is he?" Nola: "No. He's got quite the schedule." We arrange for her to call me Monday so I can interview Flair in between appointments in Los Angeles.

At 4 p.m. my time Monday, I call Nola's cell phone to see what's going on. She forgot about it. "Wait. Refresh my memory on what you want to talk to Ric about." I explain the project to her again. "OK. So you want to talk to Ric about Gene Paul?" Me: "No. Chris Paul. My name is Gene." She says she's about to meet Flair in the hotel lobby, and they'll call from the limo on the way to the next stop.

Twenty minutes later, I'm sitting at my desk when the phone rings. I almost jumped on top of my chair from the excitement. Jelly gave me a confused look as I scrambled with my pad and phone to the other side of the room to do the interview. 

Once Lopes explained to Jelly what was about to happen, they got an idea at the same time. Lopes grabbed my camera and took this picture of me as I'm explaining the quote project to the Nature Boy. I started to laugh as the flash went off, but I kept my composure. At first, I thought Lopes was using a different camera, but he explained to me after that I was the only creep who brought his camera to work. What about photographers, buddy?

My heart was beating pretty fast during my conversation with Flair. I've spent a good part of the past 15 years watching him yell into the camera, style and profile, sweat, bleed and take off his clothes (not as bad as it sounds). Believe it or not, I'm 3/4 of the way through reading his autobiography. I also had to remind myself to make sure to get the quote on Paul. I did.

I asked Flair if he missed wrestling. "The first few months were pretty rough. But I'm over it now." I tell him I'm a big fan and was at his Hall of Fame speech. "Thank you for your support." I tell him that they cut him off too soon during the speech. "Yeah. I thought I had more time."

Whenever he told a funny story during the HOF speech, he would giggle like a 5-year-old at some of the antics. Paul and I thought it strange at first, but by the time the emotional ride through his career and life was over, all we could talk about was the sincere little kid laugh he kept doing. While talking about CP3, he did the giggle, and I almost cried. After the interview, I was on cloud nine for the rest of the night and still am. 

As the interview came to a close, I thanked him for his time. He didn't say your welcome. Instead, he thanked me for including him in the quote project. I got the feeling that if he had the time, he would have talked to me all night. But he had to get to his next appointment. There was a weird silence at the very end of the conversation. I didn't know what to say. He did.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (And he hung up.) 

 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I'm stirring in my room Tuesday afternoon. "Fuck. He taped four fucking minutes over. Now I can't watch my fucking show."

Mom finishes the end of a soap opera with a crazy ending. "It's about fucking time."

Mom went to the dentist today to have major work done on her teeth. She has another appointment next month. "My whole fucking mouth was numb. It's just starting to wear off."

She tells me to make sure to floss. "I know you don't floss every day. But it's the fucking key. My mouth is a mess. Keep brushing and floss every day, and hopefully you won't get what I got. Floss is a guarantee to keep your fucking teeth."

NOW I'M JUST SICK WITH IT

When I woke up Tuesday morning, I no longer felt sick. Well, I wasn't fully sick. But from Thursday to Monday night, I was half-sick. I had a real bad runny nose (and blood kept coming out), felt slightly dizzy the whole time and had a sore throat. I call this half-sick. I was still able to function and didn't feel bad enough to miss work. 

This is the medicine I used. You mix Zicam with soda or juice. That shit works. I tend to get sick like I just did when ever the temperature drops significantly. It dropped about 20 degrees late Wednesday night, and when I woke up Thursday, I felt it. In January, I had to call in sick for a day when the temperature fell about 30 degrees. That was fully sick, though. 

My nose didn't stop running (no go and catch it jokes, please) until late Tuesday. It's a small aggravation. But I felt bad for D because he was in the vicinity during a lot of my sneezes Friday and Saturday night. He seemed pretty fearful of catching my cold. Sorry, guy.

GOOD SIGN OF THE WEEK

I passed my first gas station with an under 3.00 price on the way to work Monday. I haven't paid less than 3.00 a gallon for gas since February 7. This is all very exciting. We got lower gas prices, the economy didn't die, and Britney isn't crazy anymore. What a world we're living in.

 

FANTASY FEVER

I don't like to lose. Real life. Fantasy. Whatever. I hate losing. But if I'm going to lose, I would prefer getting my ass whipped. At least then, there's no second-guessing or lamenting one bad break here or there. 

The Gene Poolers suffered a second consecutive defeat. The score: 99.30 to 99.16. If Tony Romo throws for 4 more yards, I win. If LDT runs for 2 more yards, I win. If the Ravens' special teams gets 8 more return yards, I win. Speaking of Romo, he's my second QB (after Brady) to get hurt. Hey Cutler, you're in and pretend like it's the first three weeks of the season again, will ya. 

The Dos Agateers headed into Monday Night Football with a three-point lead. The opponent had Brandon Jacobs left. But in this league, that meant he needed to score a touchdown for us to lose. His yards didn't really matter. But he scored in the first quarter. F.

PARTING SHOTS

What Flair said about Chris Paul. 

"He's a great basketball player. The word great is passed around much to easy with athletes these days. But he's a great player. The only thing I didn't get to do with him is party. I heard he can party, too. But he probably can't keep up with me. He's afraid of me. ... I enjoy doing stuff for the team. But I have to like the player I'm doing it with. You have to attach greatness to greatness."

Retro quote: October 14, 2008

I don't remember who this girl is, but she was in the Maroon office. She's talking about her sorority's flag football team.

Megan: "We made it to the semifinals of our league. But then we had to quit because we all had hair appointments. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

We had a story in Tuesday's paper on the alley-oop chemistry between Chris Paul and Tyson Chandler. I put the headline on it: WHAT GOES UP ... MUST COME DOWN. Here are the top five rejected headlines for the story.

5) THE LOB SQUAD

4) IF YOU THROW IT, HE WILL SLAM IT

3) RELEASE AND CATCH AND RELEASE

2) WHAM BAM THANK YOU SLAM

1) WHAT GOES UP ... STAYS UP