THE GENE POOL MOVIE: PART V.

The final installment of the casting for the movie (I hear we're getting a $100 million budget from Paramount) has finally arrived. Hip hip hooray. After we're done here, it's on to the filming. The production company is looking for extras. So tell all your friends. The final grouping is everyone from the T-P that didn't get casted in the first part. You didn't think I forgot about you guys, did you?

I did make one mistake with that first installment of the T-P. Six of the seven workers I casted sit on the same side of the room. Why didn't I just do one whole side of the room and then this time do the other side of the room? Oh, yeah. I'm an idiot.

JRAP: Luke Wilson. The Wilson family is Irish and Catholic. The Rapiers are big Notre Dame supporters. Both are skinny and boyishly good-looking. Wilson usually plays the straight character in Frat Pack movies (see Old School). At times, JRap can be so serious he scares me a little bit. Runner-up: Jon Stewart.

BRICK: William Shatner. Shatner might be the biggest Sci-Fi star in history. Brick is the biggest Sci-Fi fan I know. Resistance to this casting decision is futile. Runner-up: Martin Landau.

PHIL: Vin Diesel. Both are bald-headed bad asses who you don't want to piss off. Diesel is an action star. Phil wanted to take action against Lamar Odom in the NBA Finals last season. Runner-up: Michael Keaton (also a big Pittsburgh sports fan).

MAX: Ryan Stiles. They are tall and lanky. Stiles became famous for his work in improv. On many nights, Max has to do improv miracles with prep agate to make it fit in its space. Runner-up: Fred Gwynne (if we raise him from the dead first).

SANDY: Vivica A. Fox. Vivica's father was a private school administrator. Sandy spent a good part of her working career as a principal. Vivica showed her feistiness in Indepence Day. Sandy shows her feistiness when someone ticks her off. That's at least once a week. Sandy, however, has never been mentioned in a rap song. That we know of. Runner-up: Regina King.

MARCUS: Chi McBride. One could say they are both SSBGs. (That's some sexy black guy, in case you don't remember.) They are both large men who rock the bald look. I mean they could be twins. On Pushing Daises, McBride is easily agitated and yells at his "co-workers" in a stern, commanding voice. Just like Marcus does to me every hour or so. Runner-up: Charles Barkley.

And those who aren't on the sports copy desk.

TERRY: Al Roker.

AGG: Eva Mendes. Both are spicy Latinas worthy of special Valentine's Day notes. Runner-up: Dora the Explorer.

STEPHEN: Michael Rapaport.

BETH: Winona Ryder.

ANNE: Julia Styles.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I'm finishing Monday's blog, and my mom is reading the paper. "Is there a fucking debate tonight?"

Mom is watching Dancing with the Stars. They show Misty May Treanor, who is hurt. "She's got a fucking cast on."

Mom hears a commotion coming from the rowdy kids next door. "Jesus. What the fuck are they doing next door?" Mom then figures out what they're doing and storms outside like a ball of fire. She yells at the kids and comes back inside. Apparently, they were throwing a knife against our fence. And if they overthrow, they hit my car. Mom comes back in the house. "Fucking little shit ass Rummel kid."

FANTASY FEVER

Bad news, fans. The Gene Poolers took their first loss this week. I was involved in a colossal 4-0 vs. 4-0 showdown with Allen and lost by 15. I blame the loss on the red-hot Washington Redskins. Allen had Cooley as his tight end (100+ yards and a score), and I had Santana Moos (0 catches for, um, 0 yards). Thanks a lot, Sandy. I still have the most points in the league.

The Dos Agateers are on a three-game losing streak after losing a 32-28 heartbreaker. We were ahead 28-26 late Sunday night, and we thought our opponent just had Adrian Peterson left. We figured we were screwed unless the Saints pulled off a miracle on Monday Night. The Black & Gold sure did, but we forgot that our opponent also had Pittsburgh tight end Heath Miller, who just happened to score a touchdown on Sunday night. Thanks a lot, Phil. 

I was burned by the other team's tight end in both leagues. And I thought tight ends were worthless in fantasy. Well, mine have been so far. 

CAN NUMBERS REALLY EAT EACH OTHER?

In the middle of production Tuesday night, we decided to swap the content on pages 6 and 7. When Lopes heard the earth-shattering news, he jokingly said that we switched those pages because six is afraid of seven. He knew we knew the answer, but he had to ask anyway. "And you know why six is afraid of seven?"

Me: No. Why don't you tell us?

Lopes: Because seven eight/ate nine. (Cue the fake laughter.)

But then I had a brilliant thought. One for the ages. I asked myself: "Who cares if seven ate another number? If seven is eating higher numbers, why should six be scared? Why, oh why, is six so scared?" (Blinking light bulb.)

Me: And you know why seven eating nine made six scared?

Lopes: No. Why?

Me: Because six and nine are partners, and now six is sad about his partner's death and also afraid that he could be next. And that's the real reason why six is afraid of seven. 

CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS

In Saturday's blog, I said (as far as I know) that there are six birthdays in The Gene Pool Nation. I learned that there are seven. I didn't know Marcus was also an Ocotber baby. I should have been tipped off when Anne brought in cupcakes for his birthday last week. Oops. Sorry for the egregious error, big guy.

PARTING SHOTS

Jelly: Nevermind. Operator error.

Me: It takes a big woman to admit her mistakes, Jelly.

Jelly: Gene just called me fat.

Retro quote: October 7, 2004

In Intro to Christianity class. The girl who sits behind me is confused about the Nicene Creed.

Amanda: "Everything in the creed is needed for salvation. Do you know the creed, Jess?

Jess: "I know my sorority's creed."

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five Dustin Hoffman movies. All the President's Men is currently on my DVR list.

5) Confidence. 2003.

Thriller kept me on the edge of my seat with solid twists and turns.

4) Hook. 1991.

There's some good comedy in there, I tell ya.

3) Death of a Salesman. 1985.

Made for TV movies count, right? This is my favorite play as well.

2) Rain Man. 1988.

Ever notice that the questions he answers in the Jeopardy! scene are fairly easy? Shouldn't the questions have been stuff I wouldn't know so that I'm further impressed by his high intellect?

1) The Graduate. 1967.

Plastics, baby. Plastics.