OH DANNY BOY AND SWEET CAROLINE 

After I finished Tuesday's blog, I met Paul at Bruno's. We sat at the bar and chatted about the Saints, Heroes, The Office and how he keeps seeing Greg and Jessica at the Palace. We spent most of the night, however, observing the group of people in front of us. 

This observing led me to an idea for a reality TV show called: Will They Hook Up? It's a little different than most dating shows. We don't tell the contestants that they are contestants until the end when we get them to sign some forms. Like Taxicab Confessions. Basically, we at the show wait for two people who have never met to start talking. They become the contestants, and we listen in, observe and stalk them to see if it goes anywhere.  

Our first contestants were Caroline (cute brunette on the left) and Danny (brown shirt) who we believe is 27 because it was stamped on his hand. Here's how they met. When Caroline arrived at the bar, she found her friend Megan, who was there with her boyfriend (you can see his hat and part of his face between Caroline and Danny). I didn't catch the boyfriend's name. Let's call him Mark. So Mark is there with several of friends. When he sees that Carolina is there, he brings over Danny. "Danny this is Caroline and my girlfriend Megan. (Looks at girls.) This is Danny."

Paul and I played co-hosts and gave running commentary. Paul made a bold prediction early: "I say they hook up." For the viewing audience at home, that would be the (insert sponsor's name) hook up call of the night."

Danny and Caroline didn't have much interaction after the introduction. Paul makes the observation that Megan was eyeing Danny. We then see Megan whisper something to Caroline. Pretty soon, Caroline and Danny are talking like there's no tomorrow. And we see Caroline smile, laugh and giggle several times. Paul wonders what would happen if someone (namely us) randomly shouted: "Hey, Danny. Go for it. Get her number. You got this."

We go to commercial break. I make the Aflac duck noise and say GEICO: So easy a caveman can do it. Paul previews the show coming up next: Boyfriend or Brother (where contestants try to judge whether a girl and a guy are brother-sister or boyfriend-girlfriend based on body language and brief conversations). 

Upon returning from the break, we see that Danny and Caroline are now involved in separate dialogues. Paul notes that Danny is trying to play it cool. He knows he has all night. I note that this group is really putting down the drinks. In the two hours we observed them, they did three shots and had five other rounds (mostly jack and cokes). I would have been signing and dancing on a table by then. They seemed fine.

 
I'm distracted from my broadcast duties by two Cubs fans from Illinois (the second of which is wearing the green shirt). I was wearing my Cubs hat. They both asked me if I was from Chicago. I'm always surprised, but I get that question a lot in public when I wear the hat. 

First Cubs fan: Hey, this is their year.

Me: I hope so.

FCF: No. No hope. This is it. Team of destiny. It's in the bag.

Me: OK.

FCF: I'm not kidding. Teams of destiny can't be beat. 

Then there was the guy in the green shirt. "Go Cubs. I've been seeing Cubs stuff everywhere. (I tell him New Orleans has a lot of Cubs fans.) Yeah. It's everywhere. It's awesome. Random question: Do you guys know where I can get some blow? (Paul and I shake our heads.) Damn. That's OK to ask though, right? You can ask that." 

I also ended up in two other conversations. One with another guy in the group we were observing (more on that later in the blog) and another with people from high school. Paul kept tabs on Danny and Caroline in my absence. When I returned for the conclusion of the show, he tells me they've been talking on and off, but it seems like they will hook up. 

Right after I return, D & C (they should get married in Washington) get into a long chat. Caroline lets her hair down, a sure sign that she's interested. Though Paul and I agreed she looked better with the ponytail. I say: "We should tell her to put it back. I've invested too much time in this to see it end because of hair. She went from an 8.75 to a 7.25."

Eventually, the group was just Mark, Megan, Danny and Caroline. Then Mark and Megan go to the bathroom at the same time. Billie Jean comes on the jukebox. D & C have their first dance. We also saw their first hug, first laugh, first whisper into the ear and first duet (I didn't know the song). We should totally be invited to the wedding. 

I tell Paul to wrap up the show. Turn off the lights, the party's over. They are so hooking up, it ain't even funny. But Paul wanted to stay a few minutes longer. Mark and Megan return from the bathroom, and the four of them begin discussing what they should do next. (Who didn't see that coming? I didn't, however, see the next part coming.) Paul: "I feel like we should be a part of this decision on what happens next. We've been such a big part of this relationship." Me: You're right. Tap them on the shoulder." (No. Not that part. This part.)

Me: Paul, can we leave now? They're about to all leave together. And later tonight, D & C will hook up. Are you satisfied, yet?

Paul: Yeah. I guess so. Let's ...

(Mark then grabs Caroline around the shoulders and looks at Danny.)

Mark: You know what this one's problem is?

Danny: What?

Mark: Her boyfriend lives in Great Britain, and she doesn't know what to do with herself.

Cue the record stopping all of sudden and everyone looking up. Danny, Paul and I all had the same reaction: flabbergasted. I mean I still think they'll eventually hook up, but I didn't see that coming. But maybe they won't hook up. She does have a boyfriend. What was the point of introducing them? Probably because Mark and Megan think Caroline should give up the long-distance relationship. 

A minute later, Danny goes to grab her hand to dance again, and she pulls away. I guess hearing the word boyfriend gave her second thoughts about where the evening was going. I felt bad for Danny (he had no clue the whole time), but I felt good knowing that at least this shit doesn't only happen to me.

If you're Mark, wouldn't you at least give your boy Danny a heads up? "Hey, this girl Caroline you'll meet tonight. She's hot. Now, she does have a boyfriend. But he's all the way in jolly old England, and we think she needs to move on. You, my friend, can be what she moves on to." 

Well, that's the end of the show, folks. Tune in next week when we will try to once again answer that age-old question: Will They Hook Up?

Just for you, Nick. I see this every time I go to Bruno's, and it reminds me of the good old days. Thought you might enjoy that. 
 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is upset by the new wave of iPods that just came out. "For fucking 20 more dollars, I can fucking get two gigs now. That's 500 fucking songs. We paid $150 total for two 1-gig iPods. Now, you can get a fucking 8-gig iPod for 150 dollars."

Mom is watching The Cleaner on Demand. "Some girls are just so fucking naive, huh?"

Mom overheard a domestic dispute last night. "You should have heard the fighting going on last night next door. It was so fucking loud. Fuck was coming out like every other word. Actually, it started scaring me. I had to come inside." (I'm surprised she didn't join in.)

Mom accidentally hits fast forward while watching something she had on DVR. "What the fuck is going on? What did you do, Tina?"

Mom and I are watching House. "Who the fuck would want to work for him?"

Mom gets a text message about a sale for Macy's grand opening. "What the fuck is that? I get the weirdest fucking shit."

Mom snaps her fingers three times to signal she remembered something. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Rosie Perez guest starred on Lipstick Jungle. She was fucking hilarious."

Mom calls me lazy because I didn't get a break tag today. She has reminded about six times combined on Tuesday and Wednesday. She'll probably wake me up yelling about it tomorrow. "I'm talking about the fucking break tag. When are you going to get it?"

HI. MY NAME IS ...

In the past three days, two people have called me Glenn. One time was on accident and quickly corrected. The other person apparently thinks my name is Glenn. Which, by the way, it is not. I've been called many names in my day, but Glenn was not one of them. Until Sunday.

While driving to the Saints game, JRap's mom said: "Now Glenn. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm calling you Glenn. Where did ..." At the time, I didn't think anything of it. (After all, she didn't keep calling me Glenn, and she apologized.) Until Tuesday night.

Paul and I are sitting at the bar when somebody from the group in front of us recognizes me. He went to Loyola, and I remembered that he was from Seattle. I ask him how he felt about the Sonics moving to Oklahoma City. "You know, Glenn. It really didn't bother me that much. My family's more of a baseball and football family." I figure there's no point in correcting him.

I ask him what he's doing now. "I'm in my third year at Tulane law. Are you still at the paper?" So he knows where I work, but he doesn't know my name. Then later, he says. "Hey, Glenn. You're from here. Do you know Craig over there?"

BOLD PREDICTION OF THE WEEK

Lopes asked me who I was picking in the baseball playoffs. For some reason, I hadn't thought about it. I've been too worried about the Cubs. But I gave him my picks Monday. This is what I remember telling him. I promise I didn't change anything based on Wednesday's action.

Phillies over Brewers

Cubs over Dodgers

Red Sox over Angels

Rays over White Sox

Phillies over Cubs (I picked this in April.)

Red Sox over Rays

Phillies over Red Sox

PARTING SHOTS

Paul is sitting at the bar, and a guy stands next to him to order a drink ... and a little more.

Paul (to me): "He's all up on me. ... Easy, boy. Easy."

Retro quote: October 1, 2004

We ran a story in the Maroon on two Nicaraguan students being arrested for stabbing another student at a party. We ran their mug shots as well. One comes into the Maroon office during a Friday meeting to have a talk with editor-in-chief Gay Joe.

Nicaraguan stabber: "This is defamation of character. You will be hearing from my lawyer in five minutes. You will never work for this paper again." (And he stormed out the office. His lawyer, however, never called. Did those guys go to jail?)

THE DAILY TOP LIST

The top five songs I discovered in a movie. When I hear these songs, I think of the movie. Animated films do not count for this. 

5) Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta. Office Space.

I got a meeting with the Bobs. ... Yeah, they called me at home.

4) Bitter Sweet Symphony. Cruel Intentions. 

Other stuff comes to mind when I think of this film.

3) Don't You Forget about Me. Breakfast Club.

Though I heard it in Not Another Teen Movie first. 

2) Power of Love. Back to the Future.

Much better name than: Power of the Spacetime Continuum. 

1) Afternoon Delight. Anchorman. 

I'm freaking out. We sound great.