SIGN, SIGN EVERYWHERE A SIGN

I went downstairs to fill up my water bottle when I got to work today. There is a sign on the door entering the cafeteria. It reads: (As I was writing this, I realized I forgot what the signed said).
So I go back downstairs to re-read the sign to post this item. I get down there, and whoever is charge of these things had changed the sign. I said to myself: Oh, I don't think so buddy. Then I marched into the cafeteria and went straight for the nearest File 13. Off to the side of a couple of styrofoam to-go containers, I see a crumpled up piece of paper. I reach in and grab for it. My arm is just long enough to get there. Sure enough, it's the old sign. Here's how it reads (exactly):
CAFETERIA WILL BE CLOSE TO ALL PERSONNEL.
FROM SATURDAY 1:00 PM TO MONDAY 5:00 AM.
THANK YOU FOR YOU COOPERATION.

Obviously, there are a couple of typos in there. But here's the kicker. Some genius here at the paper thought he would be clever and make an editing mark. He drew in the symbol for add and wrote a "d" after the "e" in close on the top line. Like ha ha, you cafeteria idiots, it's "will be closed." I'm awesome, I marked on the announcement sheet.
Besides the missing periods in p.m. and a.m. (we'll let that slide), there is one other mistake. Yes, you got it. YOUR in the last line. That's what got me. The editing guru marked the first mistake and then completely missed the missing "r" in the last line. I mean if you're going to mark on a public announcement, at least go all the way. Catch one typo, catch them all. What, did he get tired of reading after the first line? Was it too long for him?
So who's worse: The person who made the typos on the sheet or the jackass who marked only one mistake?
Boy, I sure hope I don't have any typos in that rant. That would be embarrassing.

FAVRE SUCKS

I'm so sick of hearing about how Favre might come back. Then today he apparently asked the Packers to release him so he can play for another team. Also, he was reportedly told by the Packers that they weren't interested in bringing him back after he expressed a desire to unretire.
This news got me excited, however. I've hated the Gunslinger for some time now. A piece of my soul was lost every time he broke one of Dan's records. Not to mention the good year he had as a whole last season. That was sickening. But his "comeback" has me giddy. I so hope he signs with Minnesota or Chicago. Both of those teams need a quarterback, right? Please, Brett. Do it. I want to see what Packers fans do. Their beloved Favre sleeping with the enemy. I also want to see him return and ruin at least part of his legacy. I can see an injury sidelining him and ending his consecutive starts streak. I see interceptions galore. That would be, dare I say, priceless.
Not to mention, who wants a 39-year-old quarterback who said his heart was no longer 100 percent in the game when he retired to come in, learn their system and try to lead the team? I'm telling you, he's going to suck.

DWI: DRIVING WITHOUT INSURANCE

I discovered today that I've been driving without proof of insurance since Tuesday. I printed out my new proof of insurance card about two weeks ago and left it in my room, figuring I'll put it in my car when it becomes effective. Well, I forgot.
My mom was cleaning the house today and found it. She flipped out, of course. But then it got worse. Not only was the new card not in my car, the card had the wrong dates. Apparently, the fine folks at GEICO (and yes I saved 15 percent or more when I switched) e-mailed me the wrong card when I made my renewal payment. So, I tried to explain to mother that if I had put the new card in my car, I probably would be driving around with an expired insurance card for the next six months. My forgetting the card in my room actually helped. She didn't want to hear that, though.
"It's not being responsible, Gene. How could you drive around without any fucking insurance. If you would have been pulled over, then you would have went to jail. In New Orleans!"
She repeated the responsibility bit a few more times then said: "Do you realize where you were Tuesday? You could have gone to jail in Baton fucking Rouge!"
I thought to myself: According to a certain hitchhiker, I was in New Orleans. Anyway, I called GEICO and spoke to a nice lady who promised to e-mail me the correct proof of insurance card. She did. No harm done.
By the by, did you know that GEICO stands for Government Employees Insurance Company?

GIVING THE MIDDLE FINGER

The minor league manager who took off his cleats and showed his armpit to the ump has inspired me to think of my own tirade. If I was a manager and a call pissed me off, here's the way I would go about my business.
-- I come sprinting out of the dugout to where the ump in question is.
-- I tell him that the call was so bad that even if he had bet on the other team, Tim Donaghy would have gotten it right. At this point, the ump is jawing back at me, on the brink of tossing me.
-- I then give him the old Stone Cold salute. Two middle fingers right in the face. And say you're No. 1 ump. The ump then tosses me out of the ballgame. Now for the two-part finish.
-- I take off his cap. I take the base out of the ground. I put his hat in the hole and put the base back in place. Hey, that rhymed.
-- I bust out the worm in a circle around him until security comes to escort me out.

PARTING SHOTS

"Give it to me, Carol. Give me that sweet, funky stuff."
-- A guy I was calling TRIPS at the poker table last night to a dealer. He was definitely Six Beers. Three times in the first half an hour I played with him, he told the person that won the hand, that he had folded trips. Yah, right. In all three hands, he folded after the flop. Flopping three of a kind and folding would be like winning 100 bucks on a scratch off and then being too lazy to go back to the gas station to claim the money.

"Thank you, hunny. You just won me a lot of money."
-- An old lady with a scratchy voice to me on the phone at work. She wanted to know the date of the first Saints preseason game, the day of the week it was on, the time and the location. I looked it up and gave it to her. Who the heck bets on when the Saints play preseason games?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
These lists are food related. It's my top three favorite pizza and fried chicken places.

Pizza
3) Slice. Toward the end of St. Charles. Ate there on my 21st birthday.
2) Theo's. Magazine. They mark your table with a celebrity photo.
1) Papa John's. Yes, it's a chain. But it makes me feel good inside.

Fried Chicken
3) Pizza: Papa's Pasta and Subs: Pizza by the Slice. Corner of Bourbon and St. Peter's.
Hey, that's the sign on the outside. But the chicken is yummy.
2) McHardy's Chicken. N. Broad. Only have had it at work.
1) Dunbar's. Freret. One day, I'll do a full blog item on its greatness.