CLOSING TIME

I think Otis Jones, the cafeteria emperor here at work, is a Mets fan. He must be proud of the recent seven-game winning streak because he posted an orange sign with blue tape on it.
Yesterday the sign said the cafeteria would be closed to all personnel. Today, it says proceed with caution. So, can I go in there or can't I?
Otis also apologized for any inconvienience. I'm no spelling expert, but I think that has too many letters.
The cafeteria being closed all weekend really pisses me off. There is free water down there, man. I needs my free water. It's a lot cheaper to drink 80 ounces of water a day when 60 of them are courtesy of the Times-Pic.

'OH MY, GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE'

Turns out, my mom loves the Wii. She really liked her Mii character Paul made for her. She decided a few days ago that there wasn't enough room in the living room to play her bowling. Her high score is now 180. So, today I help her move the television set from the back room into the room next to the living room, which is really a dining room but we don't use it as that. This required moving the exercise machine from the dining room to the back room (which I messed up because I "scratched her fucking floors"), moving the couch over a few feet, fooling with the cable line in the living room and re-arranging some furniture. In the middle of this one-hour process, she stops, looks around and half-yells: "Oh my, God! What have I done. I am not happy with this. This is a fucking disaster."
I then took a shower and when I came out, she had decided that the new arrangement didn't look too bad.
I like the new setup myself. Why? Well, that's simple. The television in the dining room is in direct line with my bathroom. Now, I don't have to miss any of the action, if you know what I mean.

TWO SPORTS NOTES

Now Favre appears to be returning to the Packers. Frick on a stick. Obviously, he won't want to be a backup. Just like that, the bastard is headed for a return to starting come September. Please, please let him get hurt and break up the consecutive starts streak. And please let him suck, like I know he will, and Green Bay finish 6-10. Or better yet? They bench him. Then I'll be signing, Joy to the World. ...

Also, when I got into work today, there was this ESPN headline: Cubs clip Jays in 11. Well, interleague play is over, ESPN. The Cubs, of course, beat the Giants 8-7. But the original headline worked because Toronto's nickname is a bird, and birds can be clipped of their feathers. So, when the geniuses fixed the mistake, they left clip in there: Cubs clip Giants in 11. Umm, no. I would have gone with: Cubs belittle Giants in 11.

IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR

This classic Sinatra tune is probably the only instance I can tolerate the use of the word very as an adverb. This is a pet peeve of mine. People use very for emphasis. I am doing very good. He's a very fierce competitor. The word is just unnecessary. He is a fierce competitor says enough. He was very big. OK, I get it. He was big. It's a very gray area. Well, it's a gray area, for sure.

PARTING SHOT

"Our AFL writer doesn't come back until the Wednesday before the ArenaBowl."
-- Oh, the irony.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The Top 10 things I want to see happen in sports. I'll avoid sports lists for a few days after this one. Starting tomorrow, I will be counting down my top 40 all-time TV shows. I will do it in sections of five every few days.

10) The Yankees finish in last place.
Don't get me wrong. I love watching them fizzle in the playoffs every year, but if the Evil Empire finished last, that would be beautiful. Though A-Rod couldn't suck it up in October that year.
9) Tiger breaks Jack's majors record.
I don't like golf. Can't really watch it. Except when Tiger is chasing a major. The U.S. Open was awesome, and watching him get No. 18 and No. 19 would be something everyone could watch.
8) Down goes Favre.
I want him to mess up his consecutive starts streak. And I want Peyton to break his records.
7) The Rockets get out of the first round.
It seems like a long time since this happened. Plus, I really want T-Mac to get that monkey off his back. You know, that hasn't helped his back spasms in recent years.
6) The Hornets win the NBA championship.
Hopefully, I'll have a ticket. This has a real chance of happening with CP and Co.
5) UNC wins it all in 2009.
This is one of my few teams that I've seen win the big one. But I have a special place in my heart for First Two (or Tyler Hansbrough to everyone else). The Heels have been close the past couple years; they should win it.
4) The Dolphins return to and keep their glory.
I'm not asking for a title. Just a return to being good. I really, really miss those days like Shelley Long missed Cheers when she realized her movie career was going nowhere. In addition, I don't want to see a perfect season (thank you, Eli), and I would like Dan's final great record to stand: 5,084 yards in a single season.
3) USA wins the World Cup.
This is the most far-fetched. But I did eat and breathe soccer for like 10 years. Plus, it's the world's game, and it would be nice if we could conquer it. The 2002 performance gave us an inkling.
2) The Cubs win the World Series.
I think I would be most excited about this one. I've been WGNing since 1991. I watched more than 100 games last year. I was at the series clinching victory in 2003 in Atlanta. My heart is pounding writing about this possibility. But...
1) The Saints win the Super Bowl.
I can't put the Cubs ahead of the howetown kiddies. If the Saints won, I could celebrate with more people. I would be invited to like 10 different parties. I could go to the parade. It would mean more to the city and the people around me. I would have the same amount of merchandise for both, though. This couldn't have been any tougher a call.