ANOTHER SUNDAY NIGHT AT BRUNO'S

I meet Paul and Davis, who I haven't seen in a long time, at Bruno's after work Sunday. I order a beer and overhear a conversation next to me between a guy and a gal who had just met at the bar. The girl says to the guy, who is black. "Listen, I went to Tulane. And I had a lot of white friends. It wasn't a big deal." I thought that was hysterical. So did David when I repeated it. It was less funny thirty minutes later when I realized that the girl was Puerto Rican, or Dominican, or something. I had thought she was white. But she did tell a Hispanic guy who had joined the conversation that "he should be proud. Your Dominican. Show it to the world."
Our conversation eventually leads to the upcoming football season. David asked me how I feel about Favre. I tell him.
David: "That record stuff shouldn't matter anymore. He has all of Dan's records. There aren't any left."
Me: "Excuse me. He still has one big one. Single season passing yards."
David: "Oh, well that doesn't count. All they did was pass that year. They were terrible."
Me: "What? They went to the Super Bowl."
David: (pauses, then) "Did they win?" (We all know they didn't.)
Paul: "So the Patriots were terrible last year, too?"

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom doesn't like the current heat wave. She said today: "Six more weeks of this bullshit." Yah, hopefully just six more.
My mom likes watching Court TV. She gets into the cases. Today a minister was found guilty of murder, and he's going away for a long time without parole. My mom's take: "I wouldn't have found him guilty. There wasn't enough evidence. In New Orleans, they got people committing six fucking murders out there walking the fucking streets. And they know they fucking did it."

SHOCKING THE WORLD

The Saints got tight end Jeremy Shockey for a second-round pick and a fifth-round pick. I like the move. Brees loves to throw to the tight end. Shockey loves to catch the ball. Sounds awesome to me. He can take those stalled drives that turn into field goals and put the ball in the end zone. Remember that Eric Johnson almost single-handedly lost the Texans game last year because he popped two easy catches into the air in the red zone.
Fellow Saints fan Liam texted me this afternoon: "Getting Shockey could be the first huge mistake by this regime. I don't have a good feeling about it." The negatives: He is an asshole, he's a head case and he gets hurt a lot. But they need a go-to tight end, and I say it's worth the gamble. Kudos to Jimmy Smith for writing a column saying this deal would happen when it appeared the deal was off. Anybody want to start a pool on when the first time Shockey gets pissed and goes off on Brees after a play?

CONQUERING THE MACHINES

After dinner, Jelly goes to get a snack and accidentally picks Skittles instead of Twix. The good news: Instead of 25 cents, she got 95 cents in change. I immediately go for the three quarters to buy a bag of chips. She concedes, but the chips get stuck and don't fall from the vending machine. I say: "You got to be kidding me. (pause) I'll show you." I then shake the machine for fifteen seconds until the chips fall, and I walk away triumphantly. It's the little wins that get you through. The little ones. Lopes tells me that the Skittles, 95-cent thing has also happened to him. Could be worth the risk to try that. Five cents for Skittles is a good price.

THIS HAS TRULY BEEN ONE OF MY FINER BLOGS

Truly is my least favorite word in the English language. It truly is.
I hear the word truly used almost every day. And I cringe every time. The problem I have is that people use the word to try to convince the listener or reader of the importance of the statement. For instance upon receiving an award, the person usually says: This is truly an honor. It's used as if without that word, no one would believe it's an honor or whatever. So, the thought is: Let's say truly, and then people will believe it. Well, no. When I hear that word, I think desperation. The person using the word is desperate for me to believe it. Ergo, I don't buy it because they're forcing it. Plus, it's unnecessary. It is an honor. That's all you need.

PARTING SHOTS
I was cleaning out my computer mouse when the little ball thing fell out and rolled across the floor. Jelly picked it up, and her and Lopes started laughing, prompting this AIM message from Lopes to Jelly.

You just touched Gene's ball.

At dinner Monday night, Phil is telling us the setup at the Baptist church he attends. He tells us they make a production of it and put the words to the songs up on the board.

A very excited Jelly: "Oh, like Karaoke?!"

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top 5 personal achievements

5) I walked at 10 months and was completely potty-trained at 18 months.
I have no idea if this is even good. My mom beams with pride when she talks about it, though. So if this isn't that special, please don't tell her.

4) I won my first grade spelling bee.
This feat was made more impressive because I had to pee the entire time. I was crossing my legs one way and then switching to the other. Quite funny on home video. The winning word, you ask? Sheep. Sheep. Other dude spelled it shep. My mom knew it was wrong right away, as you can hear her say, "That's wrong" on the video.

3) I was the Kappa Tau Alpha Top Scholar at Loyola in 2006.
This is given to the student with the highest GPA in mass communications. There were more than 200 students in the program in my class. If you don't believe me, my name is on a plaque in the communications office. Go and check it out.

2) I was a national reporting finalist for spot news in 2004.
Here's what happened. A kid with bipolar disorder held up a communications class one morning by putting a knife to his throat. It was a big commotion. I was studying for a test when a professor came in and told me something was going down. I rush over there and start interviewing people. We had a story up on the Web site within the hour. It was pretty good if I do say so myself. I won the region award but lost the national award to the staff of the Daily Tar Heel. Damn Heels. But hey, it was me against the entire staff.

1) I was salutatorian of my high school class in 2002.
I gave a speech and everything. Don't worry, it was funny. I said this about my mom: "You took the time to listen to me whine; about nothing and everything all at once; ... You're simply the best, better than all the rest."