I went to Best Buy on Thursday to get a Wii play, which comes with nine games and a Wii remote. I wanted to get a second Wii remote so my mom and I could go head-to-head in some of the games, namely tennis and bowling. She had told me Sunday that a remote cost 40 bucks, which I thought was way too much, but upon consulting with our gaming expert Paul, that is apparently the going rate. He did tell me to buy Wii play, which is 50 bucks and comes with the extra games. Why on earth would anyone buy a second remote when for 10 more bucks, you get the games as well?
So I was walking away from the aisle with my Wii play, and this mother is being helped by a Best Buy worker. The worker is showing her all the accessories for the Wii. She didn't like the sound of 40 bucks for an extra remote. Sounded like a reasonable woman. I keep listening. The worker doesn't mention Wii play and finishes showing her the other accessories. She goes to pickup the 40-dollar remote - I guess figuring she had no other choice - when I chime in that the Wii play is 50 bucks and comes with games as well.
Mother: Oh, really? And it's only ten dollars more?
Me: Yah. I wouldn't get just the remote. It's pretty useless.
Mother: Well, thank you.
Worker: Oh, yeah. Yah, the Wii play is a good option.
(Way to go, bonehead. These Best Buy guys really know their stuff. And the store owes me commission because I made it an extra 10 bucks, dammit.)
By the way, do you think the creator of Best Buy came up with the name by reading a milk carton? You know, where it says: Best by (and then gives the date). I can picture him looking at that one day, and the light bulb just going off.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
I want to get a sponsor for this thing, but what company would be willing? I asked my mom today for her top 10 TV shows of all-time, and somehow the Sopranos didn't fucking make it.
Anyway, here's what went down Thursday on the TCC.
My mom bangs on my door at 2 p.m. Thursday while I'm watching Scrubs. I tell her to enter, and she says: "All you do is fucking watch TV. What are you going to do when you're 30? Watch cartoons. What do you want to eat? Jesus Christ. I'm like the fucking Energizer Bunny."
Then, I go into the kitchen with her as she makes us breakfast. We're chatting, and I ask her how she knows when the biscuits are done in case I want to make them by myself at some point. (She's not using a timer or anything.) Her response: "Well, you can't go in the back and start fucking with your TV because they'll burn." Ewww.
Later, I ask mom what she is chewing because it smells like candy. She says: "Rolaids. I never used to get heartburn. Now, I get it all the fucking time. That's not good."
THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK
When going to the Palace to catch a movie, bring your own snacks and drinks. The concession is way too expensive. Oh, you've heard that one before? Ah. It is an old adage to bring some snacks in a purse or whathaveyou and sneak them into the flick to save some dough. But here's the skinny dip: There is no rule at the Palace against outside food or drink. Just walk right in with it. Hell, stop at Popeye's and bring in a box of chicken. Trust me, they don't care. I learned this from Paul, and he's a Palace manager moving quickly up the chain. Don't know if you can bring in a table to set up shop on, though.
FAMILY BOWLING AFTERNOON
My mom and I had our first family get together to play the Wii since I recently acquired a Wii remote. How many other mother-son combos are doing this? I think not many. First, I kicked her ass in straight sets in tennis. Then I beat her two of three in bowling, though we both did poorly. By the way, her high score on her own is 203. This puppy is here to stay.
When you make a spare on the bowling, the game says: Nice spare. When the game said this after one of mom's spares Thursday, she said: "Nice my ass. That was shit."
HE'S GOT SCRUBS SEASON 5 FEVER
When I got home Wednesday night, I put in Season 5 of Scrubs. I started on Episode 9. I watched the last 15 by 7 p.m. Thursday, a span of 20 hours. Keep in mind that during this time, I slept for nine hours, started reading a book, played the Wii with mom for an hour, ate breakfast with her, went to Best Buy and got ready to go out for dinner Thursday night. I guess my mom had a point. But I don't watch cartoons anymore.
On the way to dinner, I saw a guy on the other side of the highway that made me look twice because I thought it might be J.D. He was on a scooter just like Sasha. He had a white shirt and blue jean shorts on, which I think J.D. wore one time on his scooter. He had a helmet shaped like J.D.'s. And I think he was sitting on it in a way that J.D. would. I dismissed the notion that it really was him though when I realized his scooter was red and not blue. I might need to pick a different show for a while.
I DIDN'T SEE A FLASHY THINGY, K
I was driving down Carrollton on my way to Five Happiness (more on that in the next blog) and got near the Earhart intersection. When I was about five feet from the light, it turned yellow. I hit the gas and went through both sides of that bad boy. I made it easily, sure. Not even close to being dangerous. But then I remembered something: They recently added a camera there to catch people running red lights at that intersection.
Everyone knows you can get caught without really running the light. Now, when I passed through the second part of the intersection, the light was still on yellow. It probably turned red right when I got past. I didn't see the camera light go off. Did I make it through in time or was I just another victim (old ECW Taz phrase) with three photos of my vehicle on the way to my doorstep. I'll let you know.
NANCY GRACE ALERT (don't worry; it's a grammar thing)
I was waiting for a seat in the poker room and staring at a TV with the Nancy Grace Show (or whatever it's called) on. Hey, it was on mute. It had this written at the bottom of the screen.
Report: Missing 2-year-old, cops to search through mom's basement (it might not have been basement; but something like that).
I thought this might be my opportunity to be a hero. I have a hunch where the 2-year-old might be. And Nancy Grace helped. I think the missing child will be near her mom's basement. According to a report, anyway. Child won't really be missing anymore, now will he, when he shows up to do the searching. I wonder what the child and the cops will be searching for. It can't be an Easter egg hunt. Maybe it will become a new reality show on Fox: Cops and thought-to-be-missing children search for hidden treasure, but there's a mole among them. I'd watch that. Wouldn't you?
A few minutes later, the bottom of the screen changed to this.
Missing 2-year-old: Cops search through mom's basement. They didn't really fix it. I think that meant that someone had confirmed the cops had begun the search. Didn't say if the missing child brought his flashlight.
PARTING SHOT
"I've got all of you by the balls now. This game is mine."
-- the dude sitting next to me at poker Thursday night after winning a big hand with pocket aces. In the next hour, he lost the 200 chips sitting in front of him and then another 100 after that. Maybe he meant by the balls of our feet. As for me, I left up 100 dollars exactly, bringing my total winnings since I started this blog to a whopping 36 dollars.
THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top 8 Jim Carrey movies.
8) The Cable Guy. 1996. The Cable Guy also liked to watch TV.
7) Man on the Moon. 1999. Good song by REM. Plus, there's wrestling in it.
6) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. 1994. Laces out, Dan. Yah, like he would ever make a mistake.
5) The Number 23. 2007. I really like numbers and counting things. But I haven't found any killers yet by trying to add up the letters in people's names to see if they equal 23.
4) The Mask. 1994. Cameron Diaz is smoking (get it?) hot in this one. I mean really hot.
3) Bruce Almighty. 2003. "Back to you, fuckers" is my favorite Jim Carrey line.
2) The Truman Show. 1998. I often wonder if people are filming my life and laughing.
1) Liar Liar. 1997. I always try to use blue pens instead of red ones.
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