NO, WE HAVEN'T HAD A GUMBO PARTY

Once a month, I organize a get-together for dinner with friends from college. I became friends with all these people at Loyola. They are all from the local area. Without doing this, I'd probably never see these people. This is our way of keeping in touch. Some have called it LNO (Loyola Nights Out). I refer to it as Yat Togethers. We try to pick a different restaurant in the uptown area each month. I keep track of where we've gone, who has showed up and what I've ordered. Stop judging me.
At its height, the Yat Togethers have seen nine people attend. Last night we had our July meeting at Five Happiness. Four people came. That didn't alarm me, though. Last July, we didn't even have one. Must be that July is the busiest month for yats. Two people were out of the country, one out of state, and two canceled the day of the meeting. Next month is our two-year anniversary at Fresco's. So that should bring the numbers up. If not, I'll probably end up throwing things and crying in the corner.
In case you're wondering, I had the peppersteak. But apparently, Five Happiness stopped serving oranges after the meal. What a bummer.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

A couple of months ago, my mom left her window down, and it rained pretty hard that day. There was a puddle on the carpet. She wasn't happy. Today, she tells me that she noticed the window was down a bit when she came home from the store. "I don't know how the fuck that happened to me before. I knew as soon as I closed the door today."
My mom is not a big fan of me doing this blog. She thinks it can only lead to trouble. "Don't be surprised if someone beats the shit out of you or the FBI comes knocking at the door. You need to stop doing that. What the fuck are you trying to do?" I told her I've mocked Oprah once or twice. "You know she could sue you for that. And she probably can get the T-P involved too." Note: My mom did not go to law school.
I was telling my mom that my friend Bob was in the Letterman audience Thursday night. He sat in the fourth row, but I forgot to DVR it. That was upsetting. She said: "You know why? You know what your mind was on? That fucking blog."

OH, TO BE YOUNG AND MARRIED

Kelli and Stephen are two of the people that attended the July Yat Together. I went to their wedding last May. Stephen sits down and says he's read my blog. He enjoyed the entry on my oil change saga.
Kelli: "Oh, you have a blog. What do you write about?
Me: "Well, I write about different things. For instance,"
Kelli: (Now, looking at a drink menu) "I wonder if I should get the chocolate martini."
While driving to Five Happiness, the happy couple had this conversation.
Stephen: "Is there a red light right before Five Happiness?"
Kelli: "Why would I know if there is a fire hydrant in front of the restaurant?"
Apparently, she heard Five Happiness and thought fire hyrdant. In her defense, both first words start with F, and both second words start with H.
I don't remember what Kelli was asking about so I'll guess (the important part is what she called Stephen), but during dinner Kelli asked Stephen: "Do you want a piece of my chicken, son?" That's an interesting pet name for your husband. I think she was going for hun. Those words do rhyme.

BRICK PUTS IT IN LAYMAN'S TERMS

They're at it again this weekend at the Times-Pic. The floor is being cleaned this weekend. As with all these undertakings, a sign was posted around the building Friday, which said that the cleaning would be "commencing" at 3 p.m. Saturday. Who the hell posts a sign like that? Who uses that language at all? Besides literary critics and the like. Here's the end of the sign.
The solutions that will be used on the floors will create a slippery and unsafe condition, beyond negotiation. Avoid use of the area, and use alternate egress.
There you have it, folks. The floors just can't be reasoned with Saturday. I'm going to see how those floors react when I start jumping on them. It's on. And egress? Come on. I'll let co-worker Brick handle this one. "The translation to that note is: Don't fucking walk on the floor."

KISS AND TELL

My friend Greg, who also joined us for Chinese, has been playing the field. He went to Florida last weekend and went on the prowl Saturday night. He made out with a girl named Ashton, got tired of her and started hitting on Amber, who expressed a desire to be in porn someday. He almost hooked up with her, but her friend dragged her off. If only I was invited to be the wing man. Damn. He tells us this story at the end of dinner, and then as we're walking out the building, he whispers to me: "I also made out with a girl at a pool party last week." You son a ma gun (as my grandman would say). I need to start taking advice from Greg. Or just follow him around. He seems to have things figured out.

PARTING SHOTS
Liam and I are discussing a possible swingers convention in town.

Liam: My boss told me he saw a woman down on Bourbon Street in the middle of the day wearing nothing but a boa, high heels and a G-string.
Me: Can you get arrested for that in the middle of the day?
Liam: I don't know. I've never done that before.

I was sending Sandy a story about steroids and horses for the paper.

Me: Sandy, you have horsedrugs (the name of the file).
Liam: Don't take them all at once.
Sandy: Yah. Does that come with water?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top 5 favorite games that didn't involve one of my teams. I didn't do this on purpose, but all of these games involve a team that I currently hate. The winner of the game is listed first.

5) Celtics vs. Lakers. NBA Finals. Game 4. 2008.
24-point comeback was awesome. You could just feel it.
4) Red Sox vs. Yankees. ALCS. Game 7. 2004.
The historic rally from 3-0 culminated. No drama like Game 4 and 5, but I enjoyed every second of the blowout. A guy at the bar said out loud right before Damon's big homer: "Be a hero, Jesus." This series and the subsequent World Series gave me hope for the Cubs.
3) Giants vs. Patriots. Super Bowl XLII. 2008.
Couldn't have been a better game. Featured the Great Helmet Escape Catch from Eli Manning to David Tyree. Plus, it prevented a perfect season. And won Lopes like 1,200 dollars.
2) Patriots vs. Rams. Super Bowl XXXVI. 2002.
I picked New England to beat St. Louis in the Super Bowl when the playoffs started. I have the sheet somewhere to prove it, I promise. I loved this Patriots team. I turned on them soon after.
1) Diamondbacks vs. Yankees. World Series. Game 7. 2001.
The ninth-inning rally was started by Cub great Mark Grace. I yelled and screamed when Luis Gonzalez' hit landed beyond Derek Jeter. I woke up my mom, and she yelled at me.