BUD'S BROILER: ALWAYS A GOOD TIME

I love me some Bud's Broiler, which is my favorite fast food place. Most people like a #3 or a #4, but I always order a #7. My thinking is not many other places make a mean hot dog. I've been to seven Bud's in the metro area, but I go to the one that's 24 hours on Clearview most often. The main drawback is that refills aren't free, but if you have a Bud's cup (and I do), you get a pretty big drink for 75 cents when you order a sandwich and fries. It's a pretty cool cup, too. Has all the locations written on it. I always bring it with me when I know I'm making an appearance at the house that Bud broiled.

I meet Paul there Friday night for a little late night dinner. We have a theory that something interesting always happens when we go there, most notably lesbians making out in the corner once for a solid hour. Friday was no exception. At first I thought the 15-year-olds behind us were the main attraction. While Paul counted the amount of times one girl said "like," I listened for the content. She said: "He's 15, but he's cool. I've texted him. I've went out with him once. Today he said 'I love you' and blew me a kiss when he left. But whatever. We're going to the movies tomorrow." Then, the real entertainment began.

A girl in tight short shorts walks in by herself, orders and sits down. She looks very much like a crack whore. Her eyes had that look that could only mean she recently used some kind of hard drug. Not that I would know anything about that. I'd say she was 16, maybe 17. She stares blankly off in space until her order is called. As she's leaving, a guy from the table next to hers comes over to hit on her.
The Mac Daddy: "Hi. My name is (I can't make it out). I would just like to introduce myself. You know, break the ice."
(He then reaches out to shake her hand. Maybe keep the convo going.)
Crack Whore: "It's nice to meet you too."
But she didn't really mean it. How do I know? She shook his hand by holding out the remnants of her meal. That's right. She shook his hand with her trash. The Mac Daddy dropped his head in defeat and returned to his group as she left.

Maybe I got the whore part wrong.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I was in my room when my mom started yelling. I don't know what this outburst is in response to: "What stupid ass does that crap? Motherfuck. Lord knows." Hopefully, that wasn't directed at me.

My mom has been having trouble using her debit card. "I've been having this card for fucking years. I go to type in my pin the other day. It won't take. I had to do it as a credit. Same thing happened this morning. I mean I've been having this pin for fucking years. I can't believe I don't know my fucking pin."

Mom was cooking up some wings when she burned herself on the arm. "That's just what I fucking needed. More marks. I've got enough with those fucking mosquitoes outside."

Mom was trying to watch something on Demand today, but it wouldn't work. We have this problem about once a week because Cox sucks. I couldn't blame her for this outburst. "Motherfuck. Every time I want to watch Demand, it's never fucking there. They got to be the fucking biggest fucking joke. Motherfuck. I can't go a month without having fucking problems with them. (After 20 minutes on the phone waiting for service:) They don't give a fuck about their customers." Are we the only ones having this problem where you click select to go on Demand, and the screen just goes back to the previous station? It's really frustrating.

WHERE ART THOU FATHER?

Many of you might be wondering why my dad hasn't been mentioned on the Gene Pool. Well, today is your lucky day. I haven't seen my dad much since I started this blog, and therefore haven't had much to say on that matter. I can tell you he is still in a state of euphoria after watching both the Jayhawks and Celtics win the title. I think he went on vacation to basketball heaven.
I did see him the other day. We had this exchange.
Dad: What you doing?
Me: Working on my blog.
Dad: What's a blog?
Me: It's something on the Internet where I talk about my life and observations.
Dad: And other people can read that?
Me: Yes.
Dad: You better be careful. That can get you into a shitload of trouble.

PAUL DEFENDS PICKING UP A HOOKER

At Bud's on Friday night, Paul brought up the now infamous hooker story. He tells me some of the kiddies at work are calling him "the guy who turned down sex." I tell him that folks at my work were making fun of him for not being aware that he had picked up a hooker. He gets defensive and says, "Yeah, but she was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. She didn't look like a hooker. Did you tell people that?"

Oh, my bad, Paul. If she wasn't half-naked with her pimp bitch-slapping her when you pulled up, how the heck could you possibly tell she was a hooker? How bout the fact she was hanging out in an empty parking lot at 2:30 a.m.? How bout when she asked for a ride to Airline? How bout when she didn't immediately ask for food or money, you know like a homeless person would? How bout when she accepted a ride from a stranger?

But hey, Paul is the same guy who has had to get a new ATM card twice (or maybe three times) because he left it in the machine after a transaction. And the same guy who in the same month left two different cars (his and his mom's) running and locked himself out. The hooker could have instead been a serial killer, and Paul would have drove her out to the middle of nowhere without suspecting anything.

NAKED RUSSIANS MIGHT WORK BETTER

I watch a lot of TV. I mean a lot. I don't mind watching commercials either. They might rarely be informative, but they are often entertaining and funny. But right now, I'm going to tell you about two terrible commercials on TV right now.

The first one is for Honda. A guy is stopped on the road by naked parachutters. He lets all seven of them in the vehicle naked. The commercial is supposed to tell the consumer that the new Honda (whatever it's called) is spacious. What the hell is Honda thinking here? I feel like they're trying to tell me that if I drive the Honda (whatever it's called), naked people will stop me on the road and ask to get in. Gross. Gross. Gross.

The second one is for Burger King. I think. The guy in the hamburger costume (I loved the other commercial when he says: "I wish I'd never been broiled") goes up to the drive-thru at Wendy's on foot. The worker tells him that the burger comes with a baked potato. The Burger King mascot is perturbed and says: "A baked potato. What are we in Russia?" What? Are baked potatoes exclusive to Russia now? Are baked potatoes now disliked by most Americans? I'm pretty sure a baked potato can come on the side of a hamburger. This commercial makes me want to go to Wendy's. Not Burger King. Maybe the BK mascot shouldn't have been broiled.

PARTING SHOT
Jelly tells Sandy how motherhood is making her lose her mind.

Jelly: "Today, I took Jack to a birthday party that's tomorrow. The best part: It was in Slidell. I drove all the way across the freakin' lake. ... He was all dressed up looking cute, and we didn't go anywhere."
Liam: "That's not true. He got to see the lake ... twice."

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top 10 songs from when I was born until I started paying attention to music. (It's from 1983-1993).

10) I Want It All. Queen. 1989.
Freddy Mercury and Dr. Pepper make quite the combo.

9) You Give Love a Bad Name. Bon Jovi. 1986.
As Neil Patrick Harris would attest to, this is the perfect song to kick off a mix that really brings it.

8) Summer of '69. Bryan Adams. 1984.
I wrote a parody of this song to reflect my very own summer of '69 in 2003.

7) With or Without You. U2. 1987.
Makes me think of Ross and Rachem. I mean Rachel.

6) Smooth Criminal. Michael Jackson. 1987.
As it turned out, Michael was not so smooth at being a criminal.

5) Runnin' Down a Dream. Tom Petty. 1989.
Was played during the Super Bowl and the NBA Finals this year.

4) It Ain't Over 'til It's Over. Lenny Kravitz. 1991.
The best of Lenny's slow stuff.

3) Enter Sandman. Metallica. 1991.
I'm not real big on Metallica, but this song is awesome.

2) Livin' on a Prayer. Bon Jovi. 1986.
Has climbed in recent years because of the Molly Ringwalds.

1) Under the Bridge. Red Hot Chili Peppers. 1992.
I'll never forget how I felt
when I first heard this
Red Hot took my breath away
Took it all the way