THIS IS MADNESS

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages. Fasten your seat belts. We have just entered my favorite time of year. I live for the next five weeks and one day. I love it so much. It's when everything in my world comes together at the same time. It's awesome.

Welcome to The Gene Pool's March Madness Plus. Let's take a look at the ingredients for this insanity.

1) TV season heats up.
You know how much I love TV, right? Well, March 5 - April 1 is sweeps time. That means plot twists, big-time guest stars, shocking endings, etc. And most important, no repeats. All new.

Among the highlights coming: a) The Rock hosts SNL this Saturday. b) We find out who "rebel" is on Heroes. I'm hoping for Micah. c) Chuck and Sarah finally kiss. That's a prediction. d) Jack stops a terrorist attack on the White House. e) Salma Hayek naked on 30 Rock. Hey, a guy can hope.

2) College basketball.
Two words: March Madness. Plus, those three games in April. The madness kicks off this Sunday with Round 2 of Duke-UNC (also entry No. 250 in a row). After that sweep is complete, we have conference tournaments, the selection show and then 63 games (not counting the play-in.)

When I'm at home for the tournament, I put my laptop next to the TV and watch two games at once. It's also my first year with a DVR watching the NCAA Tournament.

My Final Four as of now: UNC, Pittsburgh, Louisville, some random team no one picks.

3) WrestleMania XXV.
The countdown is on. 35 days. We leave April 2 for Clutch City. On paper, this should crack my top five WrestleManias. But we'll see. To prepare for the vacation, I will watch my top 12 matches every other day or so this month. I have goosebumps already.

The one drawback to all this madness is that some of the events overlap. Take for instance Saturday, April 4. It's the two Final Four games. It's also the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony. It kills me that I'm not going to be watching the Heels live in the Final Four. Of course, if it's like last season, I don't want to watch.

I'm also looking forward to the challenge of blogging every day while on vacation.

4) Opening Day.
Speaking of overlapping, Opening Day (first day of baseball season) is the same day as the national championship. April 6 is action-packed. And I'm on vacation in Houston during all of this.

Actually, I'm counting Opening Day as Tuesday, April 7, because I'm going to the Cubs-Astros game in Houston. I'm hoping Big Z will be pitching, though historically he hasn't fared well when I'm in the ballpark.

5) Lagniappe.
As if all that wasn't enough to get my heart pumping, a list of everything else taking place in this time frame.

a) NBA playoff picture takes shape. I'm going to three Hornets games, hopefully two wins and a loss. (If you know what I mean.)
b) I plan to see three movies at the theatre in this month. A lofty goal considering, I know.
c) Kelly Clarkson CD comes out March 10.
d) I'm going to watch the first two seasons of Wings using Netflix. Then start Season 2 of Lost.
e) I'm currently trying to make plans to hang out with 12 friends in five separate venues. Maybe even a birthday party next weekend.
f) I will acquire a girlfriend. OK. Now, I'm just rambling.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I get home from work Saturday night at 2:50 a.m. Sunday morning. My mom is up. "The wind was too much. I couldn't go to sleep. So I just fucking decided to stay up. ... It was so loud. I thought it was fucking raining."

Me: Yeah. It is howling.
Mom: Where you been? Gambling?
Me: Nope. At work.
Mom: This whole fucking time?

Mom looks out the window on a chilly Sunday afternoon. "The guy across the street is doing grass in a T-shirt. It's fucking freezing."

I tell mom that she's a little crazy with all the cleaning. "When I die, you can let the house go to shit."

Mom doesn't like the way I'm preparing my lunch (chicken parm). "Are you spooning with a fucking fork? (I was.) ... You're going to get gravy all over the fucking place." (I didn't.)

TV WEEK IN REVIEW

1) My two favorite lines of the week.
a) House. A patient's poem is read. House says it's not relevant unless the next line is: "Hoping to fry my brain to death / I smoked some primo crystal meth."

b) Life on Mars. Sam does something crazy. Ray: "We now have irrefutable evidence that this dude is one Brady short of a bunch."

2) 24 at the halfway point.
I enjoyed the first half of Season 7. Now, let's hope that the second half doesn't suck like it did in Season 6. Colonel Dubaku was one of my favorite bad guys on the show. If for nothing more than his cool name. I hope he makes a comeback at some point in the second half. And, of course, Jack kicked some major ass. Yes.

3) Enough with the sexual tension already.
Too many shows are playing this sexual tension card. You know, where they make it obvious two characters belong together, but they keep them apart for like forever. I've had it up to here with some of them. Either have them fuck or don't. Yes, I'm talking to you writers of Chuck, Psych and Life on Mars.

PARTING SHOTS
I'm reading a prep story, and it says something about seniors, juniors, sophomores and freshman.

Me: What about the 8th graders?
Liam: Eh. Fuck 'em.
Me: That's illegal.
Liam: Not in some states.

Marcus and JRap are working on their material.

Marcus: Would you rather be Siegfried or Roy?
JRap: Neither. I'd rather be eaten by a tiger.

Liam is telling JRap about his recent bout with the flu.

Liam: .... and I can't get it up.
Me: That's what Ted said.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
Get your popcorn ready. More top movies.

75) Wild Things. 1998.
Damn you, Matt Dillon.

74) Cast Away. 2000.
He was on that island long before Jack, Kate, Locke, etc. showed up.

73) Duck Soup. 1933.
Mrs. Teasdale: Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you.
Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho): Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.

72) Old School. 2003.
You're my boy, Blue.

71) When Harry Met Sally. 1989.
I've been compared to Harry.